I made a promise to a lady
by Graq the Wild Child 2
Summary: Suppose Anya had managed to get Spike to make a wish in "Entropy"? A look at what one change to history would mean for the Scoobies. Buffy/Spike, Tara/Willow, Anya/Xander, but all have a long way to go before any happy endings.
1. Prologue: The Gift, Returned

Author Notes: The story starts in the middle of the episode "Entropy". One moment changes everything in the Buffy timeline from the end of Season Five on. Although the main characters are listed as Spike and Buffy, it is just as much about Xander, Anya, Dawn, and very much about Willow and Tara, who I think are the best couple in anything ever. I plan on writing until this story's timeline catches up with the end of Season 8 of the comics, and possibly continuing into Season 9 depending on what happens in them, since they're still coming out. There will be occasional references to events in Angel and the Buffy comics but hopefully nothing that will require having seen or read specific stories. Rated "M" because come on, it's Spike.

Prologue: The Gift, Returned

Spike poured the last of the bottle they'd been drinking the whole evening into the shot glass and held it up for Anya.

"Here. Ladies last."

The demon paused, not taking the glass.

"Thank you."

"Take it quick or my chivalry will run out."

"No." She gripped his wrist. "Thank you." They shared a deep look, recognizing each other's pain. "This is the first time since… it feels good to be with someone who understands."

The vampire kept replaying Buffy's rejection in his mind's eye. "Intimately."

Anya for her part was actually starting to feel glad no wish was forth coming. Somehow this was easing her pain in another way. It had none of this visceral rush of disembowelment or transmogrification, but it was something she was happy to feel after days of loathing the man she had hoped to marry and loathing herself for caring.

"This whole time I've been coming on all hell bent and mad, wanting his head you know?"

"Yeah." Since entering the Magic Box Spike had been reliving every moment he'd shared with the Slayer since her resurrection. He was furious, horny, sad, but mostly just sick of it all. Anya understood at least, but he knew the next night nothing would have changed. Nothing would ever change.

"When really I… can't sleep at night thinking that… it has to be my fault somehow."

Spike gazed into space. Anya stopped talking and looked at the vampire's face curiously. "What is it?"

"It _was_ my fault. That she died." He ran his fingers over his forehead as if trying to press something out of it. "I promised to protect the nibblet and I didn't."

"Buffy couldn't either." Anya protested as she rubbed his shoulder soothingly. He was just drunk enough to lean into it, setting down the shot glass carelessly. "So she went and got herself killed in that hell portal."

"Exactly!" Spike stood almost violently, the pain of the memory ripping away the anger at the Slayer he'd being pouring out all evening. "She got herself bloody killed doing what I was supposed to do!" He panted uselessly for air, hating the empty feeling in his dead lungs, so unlike the passion boiling in his veins.

"But we brought her back."

_And she feels like she's in Hell. _He thought bitterly. _That's the only reason she slept with… it can't be the only reason why. Damn it, it can't! Why do things have to be this way?_

"I wish…" he started, half sobbing. Anya's eyes widened in fear. She had given up on getting a wish, but if one were to be made, it was supposed to be for Xander. Her plan could backfire horribly depending on Spike's next words.

"I wish I had saved Dawn."

At those words she could feel the power rising inside of her. It was alarming. Spike was Buffy's scorned lover, true, but where was the vengeance, the torment? Her true face revealed itself, and Spike just looked at the transformation blankly. The universe began to twist into a new shape.

"Done."

He was suddenly outside, on top of a familiar tower. A tower he'd had nightmares about for 147 days straight earlier that year, before it collapsed for good. The vampire took in the scene. Dawn behind him, bound for the ritual, the old demon doctor standing before them ready to cut her flesh, and the fight below. _So Anya's a vengeance demon again? _Spike thought with surprise. _Could have made a smarter wish if I'd known._

"I don't smell a soul anywhere on you." Glory's acolyte said, again. "Why do you even care?"

This time Spike was ready. He stood his ground, his body from the past's exhaustion and injuries ignored. He may not have made the smartest wish in world, but he had meant it. He wouldn't fail again.

"I got a second chance from a lady."

This time the old man blinked. A second later he lashed out his yards long tongue to attack, and before it struck Spike had grabbed it in both hands. He felt a surge of power coursing through his muscles beyond his normal vampire strength, something hot and crawling. He pulled the demon to him and began to strangle him with his own tongue. The doctor tried to swipe him with his reptilian tail, but Spike stomped it as it whipped toward him. He pressed his boot down until there was a crunch and the creature's blue blood ebbed forth. Spike held the chokehold in place until the old man gurgled fluid over his hands. Satisfied he'd done enough damage for now, he took the demon's knife and kicked the body to ground below.

Beneath them Buffy dropped her troll hammer, done with god-smashing for now. She left behind the body that was now Ben, broken and bleeding, too focused on her sister to see her Watcher approach her beaten opponent. The leper hobbits had all died or fled at seeing their leader's defeat. The insane victims of the goddess' dark appetites lay disoriented and limp around the battlefield, lacking a familiar anchor to reality like Tara's. The Slayer nearly flew up the stairs of the tower, praying she was still in time.

Spike turned to face Dawn, gratified to see a smile forming on her tear stained face. "Hold still platelet, I'll cut you down." He carefully cut at the ropes binding her limbs. Any accidental blood now would ruin everything. The girl squeezed her savior tightly, half laughing half crying. The vampire took the relatively peaceful moment to reflect and realized that while he was no longer drunk, he was wounded and very, very tired. He felt Dawn's frantic heartbeat move further away as she stepped to edge of their platform to look down.

"Is everyone safe? Is Glory…?"

"Big Sis got her." Spike reassured the girl. "All's right in the world pet." She took his hand for a moment before the Slayer arrived and she jumped into her sister's arms. The embrace was brief but intense, Buffy still acting with militaristic focus.

"We need to get down from here. Away from the portal." Buffy said tightly pulling Dawn toward the stairs.

"He said it was almost time. It should be okay, right?" the younger Summers said hopefully as she followed.

"Who said?"

"Evil doc." Spike answered. He felt foolish. For a moment he'd believed this was it, the one big gesture that would make Buffy realize she loved him. Of course it wasn't. She'd been expecting him to protect Dawn because he was strong. Because she could use him, like she always did. "He was going to cut her up himself since the godly bint was too occupied with being thrashed about."

The Slayer turned to look at him as they reached the bottom of the first flight of steps. He paused for a moment, vainly avoiding showing the girls his limp. Wherever the extra burst of strength had come from, it was gone now. She stopped as well, scrunching her face like she couldn't decide if she was all right with being impressed by him. "And you beat him."

"Completely beat him. Like he was nothing." Dawn chirped a little excitedly. She was still trying to comprehend that she was safe, that the world was safe, and it was thanks to Spike.

Buffy allowed herself a genuine smile. "Thank you. I won't forget this either." She had trusted the vampire to perform his role in her plan because she had to, but after he survived Glory's torture a part of her had begun to believe that there was something noble in him. Maybe not something human exactly, but something real that would keep the person she loved most safe.

_Don't be stupid now, _he thought to himself as a tiny bit of hope dared to rear its head, _That's no more than a kind word. Doesn't mean anything's better than it would have been. She'll forget, and remember you're just 'an evil, soulless, thing.'"_

"Till the end of the world I said. And it's not going to be tonight."

"No, it's not." She continued their descent, feeling a bit puzzled.

The rest of the Scoobies were gathered at the base of the tower waiting anxiously. Xander had taken Anya into his arms and set her down when the Summers sisters arrived. He picked Dawn off her feet before spinning them around. She laughed for sheer joy and was too happy to resist when Anya gave her an only slightly hesitant hug. The witches were still holding tightly to each other, and Dawn could see the recognition in Tara's eyes. She'd been terrified that being the Key would cost everyone their lives, and she hated that it had cost her best friend something worse. Relief flooded her, and the guilt she'd felt since Glory's attack finally began to abate. Willow and Tara embraced her together, and she could feel tears from both of them.

"We love you Dawnie." Willow whispered.

"I love you guys too." She pulled back to look at the blonde witch, who was still trembling. "Is your head, are you better now?" she asked tentatively.

"Willow saved me." Tara clung to Willow's waist as if she might fall into the sky if she let go. "I'm so glad Glory didn't hurt you."

"We all are." They turned see Giles coming to join them. Dawn felt an urge to add him to her list of hugs, but figured he was too British and old for that stuff. Buffy looked at her family with pride. They had all played a part in this victory, and somehow they had all survived.

"We all made it." Buffy was overjoyed, well, very joyed. She felt like she _should_ be overjoyed, but some nagging doubt kept her from reaching elation. She had meant it when she told Spike earlier that night that they wouldn't all make it. Death was coming, and she'd been terrified that it meant she would have to kill Dawn. Yet here they all were. She pushed her worry aside. They were all so happy. She couldn't spoil it for them after all they'd weathered getting here.

"Great work everyone!" Anya said bouncing with excitement as she swung Xander's hand clasped in hers. "We stuck to the plan and no one got killed! It's the perfect time for a celebration." She looked around at her companions, seeing them get that half amused, half tired look that let her know she'd said something they considered silly. "Once we've all slept, eaten, and washed off the stench of running and hiding from certain death for hours."

Xander sniffed himself a bit self-consciously. "Not so much a stench, as say, a mild fragrance? Eau d' we're-all-going-be-killed-by-a-skanky-Hell-god?"

At the mention of smell Spike stepped closer to vengeful woman and took a curious whiff. She smelled human. _So she didn't come back with me. Unless her future self is around somewhere else… Xander is in for quite a bit of trouble if she is. Oh that should be rich. _

"Definitely shower and sleep time before we do any victory dancing." Buffy agreed. "We can all meet up tomorrow at our place." She looked over to Willow and Tara, remembering how the day began. "Though I doubt you guys are going to get much rest with three walls instead of four. Want to come home with us?"

The witches exchanged a glance before looking back at the Slayer and her sister. Dawn's face was incredibly hopeful, and Tara couldn't disappoint her. Willow nodded, already planning out what they'd need from their room.

"Sure. I'd have to pick up a few things from our dorm first, but yeah."

Spike left the Scoobies to chat about their plans and what to do about the insane people and found a pickup truck Glory's crazies had been using to move building supplies. He was ready to hot-wire it but the keys had been left inside. He considered nudging Xander with the bumper of the truck as he drove it back to the group, but a sharp, all too familiar pain stopped him. _I couldn't have wished the chip out? _

"I can bring the weapons back to the Magic Shop if you're all going to tuck in for the night." He offered as he stepped out. Buffy shrugged and went to get Olaf's hammer. Giles was cleaning his glasses, a gesture so invisible no one but Tara paid any mind to the expression on his face. _He's a killer. _She couldn't remember things from the darkness she'd been trapped in that well, but there had been certain truths she'd been shown. Giles was willing to kill to protect the world, and to protect his surrogate daughter from becoming a murderer. No one else seemed to realize what had happened to Ben, or if they did they didn't care. For her part the witch was just relieved he hadn't had to do what he apparently been planning to do and kill Dawn. If he ever tried to, Tara would be right beside Buffy to stop him, whatever the cost.

The bleached headed vampire slung the decapitated robot over his shoulder. Last time it had been Willow who salvaged it, but only after a few days had passed. Xander stomped over to him.

"Hey, where do you think you're taking that?"

"I'm taking it back to the shop with the other weapons."

The carpenter scoffed. "Oh sure. You're gonna use it to play checkers and fight demons. God you're sick."

Spike growled a bit. The Buffy-bot had disgusted him for a long time just because of its hollow declarations of affection, but now that he had been inside the real thing the idea of sex with it was repulsive.

"It's for the Slayer. Why don't we let her decide?" The men glared at each other before looking to Buffy. She rolled her eyes.

"He's right Xander. It is a useful tool." Spike smirked triumphantly. "And Spike? Anything you put inside of it is going to be chopped off and kept as a trophy. Got it?"

The vampire kept smiling. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help but be aroused. _I am sick. _

"The structural damage looks pretty clean." Willow said as she picked up the bot's head. "I should be able to fix it in a few days."

"Perhaps you can reprogram it, make it less focused on Spike." Giles offered. "And maybe get it to say my name right." He added quietly.

Later Tara sat with the Summers sisters in Ben's car waiting for Willow to come back with their clothes and toiletries for the sleepover. Buffy took the moment to look at Tara with concern.

"How are you feeling?"

She wasn't sure how to answer that. It had felt like years in that filthy, noisy maze.

"I-I'm okay. Really."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop Glory. I never wanted any of you to have to go through this because of us… me."

Tara shook her head.

"You gave us a chance to leave before. We're all with you Buffy. You protect the world, and we protect you. It's why Willow works so hard at the magick." She looked at Dawn. "I'd do it all again if it saved one member of our family."

Buffy stifled a tear.

"Willow… she never gave up, you know? On you, on me, on the fight. I don't think we could have beaten Glory without her."

Xander stepped out his bathroom yawning. Anya was waiting for him with an expectant smile. Of course she was waiting. The world hadn't ended after all.

"You can give it to me now Xander."

He fished the ring box out of his pants pocket and began.

"Anya…"

"Ooh!" she interrupted. "Get down on one knee. It's an essential component of the ritual."

He smiled as he kneeled, hoping she wouldn't object to him proposing in his pajamas next.

"Right. Great respect for the ritual here." Xander took a deep breath before continuing. "Anya, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" She kissed him and quickly slid the ring onto her finger, beaming at it. "We're alive and getting married." She sighed, holding her hands together dreamily. "Can we celebrate now?"

Truthfully he was tired as hell and would have been happy to just collapse beside her for the next week or so, but now wasn't the time to deny her. In high school Xander had naively believed that guys always were up for having sex and girls had to be romantically coaxed into the mood, and only at very special times. That was a laugh. Anya liked sex as a solution when she was insecure, joyful, lonely, or just bored. It was scary how insatiable she was sometimes, but at least she never seemed to be disappointed in his performance. His ruminations on the matter were derailed as Anya started to nibble on his earlobe. _Traitor. _He thought a bit amused as his body responded.

The celebration was passionate and left Anya drifting off into a blissful sleep from the afterglow. Xander watched the sun come up outside their window, unable to shut his eyes for panicking. _I'm getting married. I'm getting MARRIED. Oh god. What have I done?_ He knew he loved her, was crazy about her, and was thrilled to have her body draped over his and her breath on his chest. But something about the idea of marriage scared the crap out of him. _Panicking, panicking bad. What do I do? I can't back out… I'm just freaking out because it just happened today. It's totally normal to worry. Right? Just a stupid guy thing. It'll be better in the morning. Just don't think about it. _It was a long time before he joined his fiancée in slumber.

Willow and Tara hadn't stopped touching since the redhead came back from their dorm. They had waited for Buffy and Dawn to go to sleep before taking the shower for themselves. Tara kept tracing her fingers along the cut on Willow's face as Willow adjusted the water. She held Tara's hand to her cheek and kissed it before taking Tara's injured right hand in both of hers. "You took off your cast baby. Doesn't it still hurt?"

"Not too badly." She winced as her lover massaged it. "A little."

"That's no good. Let me make it better." She planted another kiss on Tara's right hand, this time sending her magic to heal it. The blonde shuddered in response, the thrill of Willow's energy as powerful as ever. There was something new in that energy though, something dark. It was stronger magic than she'd had before their quarrel, already so strong it made her frightened. Just what had Willow done while she'd been lost? She caressed her younger partner's side, looking into her green eyes and willed herself not to show her fears. They'd all been through so much, she couldn't press Willow for details now. Now they just needed to be close.

"I love you so much."

"I know. I love you, and I'll always be there, for anything you need. Always."

Spike paced his crypt, taking stock of everything that had happened since the wish. Buffy was alive, and she'd never be torn out of heaven or have to claw her way out of her own grave. He was unsure it made any difference. It would spare her a lot of pain, and meant her life could go on without a four month interruption. But what did it mean for them? He couldn't very well tell her "I was sent back in time and saved you from resurrection and torment." He'd saved Dawn, but he had done that plenty of times since Buffy came back and it never led to declarations of love.

He sighed, frustrated. The past year hadn't all been bad. She had kissed him, mounted him, wanted him, even just basked in his company when he did things right. But it all came down to two things: needing to feel something other than numb, and the feeling of wrongness from his chip not working on her. Would she ever have been with him if she hadn't felt those things?

The vampire opened a bottle and fell back into his most comfortable chair. She had kissed him once without any magic or death related angst, back before the final fight with Glory. And it had been after a moment of 'heroism'. He took a few long draughts and pondered his situation again. He had done a lot with and to the Slayer, some good, some bad, some bloody unspeakable. Now he was the only one who remembered it. He could use that to his advantage. He would know what threats would come to Sunnydale before they arrived and could be a hero defeating them. He would know ahead of time what would piss Buffy off and what would turn her on. It was a plan with serious potential. Spike licked his teeth as he went to find some paper. He would have to be prepared.

Buffy had fallen asleep beside Dawn in her own bed, her sister having asked with some embarrassment if she could join her. She had agreed for both their sakes, still trying to believe it was over.

Her dreams were no help. Lightning struck from a white mass of chaos in the sky, hitting a building. It transformed into a hive of grotesque alien creatures as the people below screamed and ran in terror. A massive beast that looked to be a dragon flew out of the chaos and roared into the night. The lightning kept striking, the white mass kept growing. She could smell blood. It was dripping, dripping without stopping.

She woke, trying not to groan and disturb Dawn. It had felt vivid, but her instincts told her this wasn't a prophetic Slayer dream. It seemed important though, like there was something she didn't comprehend about the world around her, something off. Buffy briefly wondered if the First Slayer had been sending her some kind of message like she had last year, but it didn't match her style. That and the lack of the Cheese Man. She wished, not for first time, that she could borrow some of Giles or Willow's brain power to puzzle her dreams out without having to tell them in person and trouble them with things that could be no threat at all. Most of all she wished she understood the message the Guide had given her. Love would lead her to her gift. Death was her gift. Whose death?

She decided that she could worry later. Her family was alive and whole, the big bad was defeated, and she hadn't had to compromise herself to do it. If her dreams kept on the same track, well, she'd deal with it then.

Author's (other) notes: Obviously in the episode "Wish", Cordelia wasn't sent back in time to the day Buffy would have come to Sunnydale. All I have to say about that is: exactly. Expect chapter two next weekend.


	2. Chapter One Part One: Life of Buffy

Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone for the reviews and alerts! I'm sorry this has taken so long to write, but I've been watching Season Six over and making notes to ensure I don't create plot holes down the line. This is only half of Buffy's four months between "The Gift" and "Bargaining". The rest should be ready on Thursday.

Caitlin is from the Willow and Tara comic published by Dark Horse "Wannablessedbe." It was written by Amber Benson (Tara) and is quite cool. It always bothered me that the show made a point of reminding us about Amy but Miss Kitty Fantastico vanished after "Family". I hope you Spuffy fans won't be too disappointed in these early chapters. It's a bit light on the Spike/Buffy interaction, but things will be on a slower burn between them than the others for a while.

Chapter One: Life of Buffy

Part One

Tara looked around Willow's cleared out dorm, setting down the cardboard box she'd carried from her own destroyed room. There was barely going to be enough space for their collective possessions once they'd finished moving back in. Several things were missing that she hadn't seen in either room, as well someone she'd been hoping to reunite with. Willow followed her in with another box and set it down against the far wall.

"What happened to Miss Kitty Fantastico?"

Willow turned around quickly at the question.

"Oh! Oh she's fine." She began to explain at rapid-fire speed. "I asked Caitlin to look after her and Amy while you were in the hospital. I, I wanted to make sure I could focus on taking care of you, at least until we settled into a routine or whatever." She took a breath, seeing Tara relax. "But now that you're better we can go pick them up! I'll call her now."

Tara smiled, a bit amused at her girlfriend's over-enthusiastic reassurances. Their friend Caitlin had taken over the campus Wicca group the year before after a spell gone horribly wrong had killed three of the senior members. They had kept in touch with her despite having quit, and Caitlin still looked up to her 'dark sisters'. The group had even started to take the idea of practical magick seriously, though Tara and Willow were careful to steer them away anything as dangerous as Caitlin's spell to call Morrigan. After the night before, the older witch was hoping the darkness she felt was just a passing fluke, and not a sign her love would have to be reined in from dangerous arts herself. Tara watched the redhead chat with their apparent pet sitter, and as far as she could see she seemed like the same old Willow.

"All right, we'll be over there after your class. No one's reported her right? Yay sneaky cat! Okay, see you soon." Willow grinned and clasped the phone between her hands. "We can bring them home in an hour!"

…

Later an excited Caitlin let them into her room, shaking both their hands and gushing her happiness at her mentor's recovery.

"Our spirits were with you in every prayer circle Tara."

Willow snickered a bit contemptuously before her counterpart gave her a withering glare. She looked innocently at the ceiling and shut her mouth. Tara let a half smile breach her face as she looked back at her student.

"That was very nice of y-you all."

Caitlin went to the corner and her long brown hair fell forward over her shoulders as she bent to pick up the cat. She brought Miss Kitty over to Tara and the witch could feel her purring as she took her from Caitlin's hands and into her lap.

"Did that spell I taught you for the litter-box work?" Willow asked as they pet Fantastico, the cat rolling over onto her back and batting at Tara's hair.

"Oh yeah. No smell gets out and the early alert went off just fine. I had to get up in the middle of study group to answer it though."

The three witches talked for a while, playing with the black and white ball of fur and using some of the new pet toys Caitlin had bought in the week they'd been separated. Willow also took some time to catch up Amy the rat on their latest adventures, the former girl almost seeming to listen. Caitlin was clearly very fond of their pets. Tara began to feel a twinge of guilt. She realized she had to do something, but she wasn't sure Willow would understand. Caitlin left them alone in her room to attend her next class, and Tara turned in her chair to watch Willow move a feather on a rod back and forth for Miss Kitty to chase.

"Willow, we need to talk about Miss Kitty."

The redhead looked at her with eyebrows knitted, not stopping her teasing of the cat.

"What about her?"

"I think we should leave her with Caitlin."

Willow scooped the animal into her arms, cradling it. Miss Kitty stretched out one front leg to touch her lightly freckled face with her soft paw pads.

"What? Why?"

Tara took in a deep breath. "I know we both love her, but I don't think it's fair to keep exposing her to the kind of dangers we live with." Willow pouted, but the blonde didn't relent. "It's not like you're going to give up being a monster fighter, and I don't want to either."

"But, she's ours… we're her family. We can keep her safe."

The older girl shook her head.

"Maybe someday we'll be strong enough to have pets, if we learn better protection spells. But she's not like a person like Amy is. She could live somewhere safer. And if we love her we owe it to her to do what's best for her."

Willow held Fantastico out in front of her like she had when she was a kitten, looking into her eyes regretfully. She knew it was the right thing to do, but she felt like giving up their pet was giving up a part of the bond between her and the woman she loved. Being with the cat reminded her of so many of the best times the two girls had shared, all the way back to before they had told each other what they really felt. She sighed, and set Miss Kitty on the floor to run free.

"You're right. It's not like I haven't lost pets to evil-doers before. If Angelus comes back to torture Buffy again I definitely don't want to find Miss Kitty in an envelope."

Tara hugged her, and they played with Miss Kitty Fantastico until Caitlin returned. She was thrilled when they asked her to keep the cat for good, and she nodded agreement when Willow suggested that the girl and cat move out of Sunnydale after graduation in a couple of years. The lovers cuddled their former pet one last time before taking Amy's cage back to their room. They both hoped it wouldn't be too long before they could visit again.

…

Xander finished his last few shirt buttons as he waited for Anya to join him at the door to their apartment. He'd slept till afternoon, too tired to respond to his fiancée's attempts at waking him with word games and logic puzzles. The panic had mostly subsided, but it came back in full force when he saw the ring on the ex-demon's hand.

"Don't forget to bring the refreshments." She reminded him. He went into the kitchen and grabbed the groceries Anya had bought while he'd slept in. "I wasn't sure what pastry was appropriate for a celebration of defeating overwhelming evil, and the cakes with "Congratulations" seemed to be themed around birth. I decided to go with the salty genus of snack foods instead." She was holding the door open as he came back with the bags.

"One of my favorite genus-us-es. Um, Ahn?" He set down the snacks and took her hand. "Could you maybe not wear the ring until we're ready to tell everyone?"

She frowned, looking at their hands as she let go of the door.

"Ready? Why wouldn't we be ready to tell them?"

"It's just, we all just got through something huge. Emotions are running high and, big news might not be so great to throw into the mix right away."

Anya pulled back her hand forcefully and glared at him, hurt.

"You stupid jerk! I knew it was because the world was ending! And now that it's not you don't want to get married anymore."

"No!" He protested and he stepped forward to grip her arms. "I still love you, and I still want to spend the rest of my silly life with you. But for now I was hoping we could keep the engagement secret?" He forced a grin to lighten the mood. "Secrets are sexy, right?"

She put her hands over his.

"Oh sure, because secret relationships always end up so well." She paused as he softened his hold on her. "That was sarcasm."

"Ahn, honey…"

"I've seen it a thousand times, and you've seen it too Xander!" She continued seriously. "You and Cordelia breaking Willow's heart, you and Willow breaking Cordelia's heart back. Tara almost gotten eaten by a werewolf!"

"Anya there's no one to get heartbroken here." Xander couldn't stop his voice from rising. "Everyone will be happy for us."

"Then why can't we tell them?" Anya begged.

"Because there's too much going on right now." He searched for the words, pulling her closer to him. "I want do this when the moment's right, when it's for us and it won't get swept away in a bunch of other things everyone's thinking about."

Anya stroked his hands, somewhat calmed. "But when will it be right Xander? How can I trust you'll ever tell them?"

He pursed his lips for a moment, thinking. "You keep the ring with you, in the box. When the perfect moment comes, wherever we are, whenever it is, I'll put it on your finger in front of everybody. I promise you." He pulled her the rest of the way in and kissed her until she drew back.

"Okay. But I get to bother you about it until it's the moment. Getting married was your stupid idea."

…

The gang enjoyed their snacks salty and otherwise just fine. Willow, Xander and Anya kept jumping over each other's versions of the past few days explaining the story to Tara, who looked nervously at each of her friends in turn when they described injuries. She was especially worried about Giles, who she really thought should still be in the hospital. The ex-Watcher didn't seem to be in much pain at least, chatting comfortably with Buffy at the other end of the room.

"So, have you made any plans now that the danger has passed?" He asked taking a sip from his mug.

She groaned inside. She'd been hoping to put the future out of her mind for at least a few days.

"Well, I can't go back to school until fall." Dawn walked by with a small bowl of corn chips, evidently all for her. "And I need to get you to go back, now that no one's after you." The teen looked to the ceiling in exasperation.

"I knew there was a catch to being rescued."

"Buffy is absolutely right. If anything, it should help ground you in something more ordinary after the ordeal you've survived." Giles added.

Dawn bit the inside of her lip, stopping a retort. She had loved school, or least she did according to the way the monks designed her memories. After learning about her origins it had seemed pointless, but she'd been willing to go to stay with Buffy. It was hard though. Ever since her mom's death and her public breakdown over it, the more callous of the other kids had been mocking her. It took all her restraint not to get in fist fights over it. Buffy and Giles wouldn't understand. He'd be all "keep a stiff upper lip" and Buffy might do something embarrassing like come to the school to intimidate the bullies. They didn't need to know.

"Yeah. It'll be nice you know… just being a normal person."

"I don't know that I'd call anyone with your eating habits normal." Buffy teased.

"Hey, you're the weirdo in the family. I'm not the Key anymore, or if I am, I don't open anything. You're still the Slayer." Dawn shot back. Her big sister sighed and shrugged.

"That I am. If I'm going to have more free time, I guess I could fill it with training." She looked questioningly to her mentor.

"Um, certainly, although I'll need to make sure Anya is able to manage the shop with my being occupied for longer hours."

His sole employee overheard her name being mentioned and called back.

"Oh I can manage it. I could even manage it with you not there at all. For days, weeks, or even years."

He smiled a bit, glad for the distraction from his discomfort with the talk of training. He wasn't certain how much further he could take Buffy. The spirit quest had been nearly the most advanced thing he knew of Slayer secrets, and the things that lay deeper he was hoping to never to have to reveal.

"Yes, I'm sure the Magic Box would be completely intact and troll free upon my return."

"Hey!" Anya and Willow said together, Xander and Tara sharing a laugh at them.

Buffy looked out the window, feeling a bit strange not having set out when the sun went down. She had chosen to give herself a break for the night. One missed night of patrol should be safe. She glanced at the clock, wondering why she'd been checking it since sunset. She kept expecting to hear a knock or for the door to swing open for a leather duster wearing party crasher. Dawn would be happy to see him, but the rest of the Scoobies not so much. Whatever Spike was up to, it couldn't be too terrible. She hoped.

…

Spike flicked yet another cigarette butt onto the fresh grave. He looked over the name on the marker one more time, 'Thomas Jenkins'. If what Spike remembered was right, Thomas was about to rise and would have five descendants by next year. The information he had to go on was all very "he said, she said", but he at least knew this was the night after the burial. He would never admit it, but despite her numerous mental deficits Harmony had been better at keeping track of the bloodlines of Sunnydale's nighttime denizens than him.

"Come on, time to rise and shine mate." Spike said kicking a bit of loose soil from the mound. "Just 'cause the Slayer's resting tonight doesn't mean we can. What with us being 'the wicked' and all."

Nothing stirred. _How the hell does the Slayer do this? Hours of boredom for a few minutes of tussle. Barely worth the effort._He waited impatiently, questioning his decision to come to the graveyard at all. As he reached for another cigarette the earth over the coffin finally started to move. Spike pulled out a container of lighter fluid instead and started to pour it over the new vampire's body as he dug his way out. Once Thomas was fully emerged Spike flicked the lighter and tossed it carelessly at him. The bleached-blonde took out his next smoke and lit it on the screaming form of his victim.

"Now I would have given you a clean staking if you'd been more punctual. It's not polite to keep a man waiting."

Thomas didn't reply, as he was halfway to ash already. It was a bit amusing to watch, but over too quickly and easily to be much fun. Spike picked up his lighter and went to check the other cemeteries for newly turned vampires. He hoped they would offer a bit more sport, though he knew if anything tougher than a newborn showed up he'd have to hoof it out of there as he wasn't back to full strength. Once he was the nights would be more exciting.

…

Willow didn't meet Tara's eyes as they finished making their bed. Things had been awkward since leaving Caitlin's dorm. There was no way Tara was letting them go to sleep like this.

"Willow, what's wrong?"

She looked up, startled.

"Wrong? Everything's good. It's fine." She said gripping her side of the comforter. Tara fixed her with a look of utter seriousness as she sat down across from her.

"Willow, it's me. Everything doesn't have to be good and fine. I still love you. You know you can say anything and I'll listen." Willow continued to fidget with the bedding as she sat down beside her girlfriend, uncomfortably mirroring their position in their last and only fight.

"I just thought with what happened earlier today, you might still be mad at me. From before, when we… said things we regretted." Tara's eyes shone with compassion, finally understanding why Willow had been so jumpy. "I mean, I don't mean you regret what you said if you don't. I don't want to belittle your feelings and if you still have doubts I want to help you get over them, or make things better and…" She was cut off with a soft but insistent kiss, both her and the blonde's favorite babble killer. Tara kept her hand under Willow's chin to make sure she wouldn't look away.

"I do regret what I said. I'd never want you to doubt that I know you love me." She smiled as Willow gripped the arm she was holding the girl's face with.

"But you still think I might go back to boys for the naked stuff." Tara could feel a laugh coming on.

"Sweetie, if you hadn't mentioned it, it would never have occurred to me worry. You um, kind of made how you feel about girls clear that night with the candle."

Willow cupped Tara's cheek with her free hand, feeling the heat of the other woman's blush. "Not girls. Girl."

"Your girl." She reminded her softly.

Willow sighed, taking her hands away as Tara's moved to her shoulders.

"But you said you didn't know where you were going to fit into my life. What made you think that?"

It was the older witch's turn to remove her hands. It was time to discuss the black tinged aura-having elephant in the room.

"Y-your magic… it's gotten so strong, so fast. When I first met you, there was a lot I could teach you, and that we could learn together." Willow's body tingled just from the memory. She still felt it whenever they touched, even to this day. What could be wrong with that? "But now you've gone so far past me, and I don't know i-if…" Tara looked down at her beloved Willow hands. "I-if you still need me the way you used to. If I'll be enough for you when you keep getting farther away…"

"Enough?" She leaned over the taller girl's body, pressing her to the bed. "Tara you're my everything. There's nothing I need more than you. Not magic, not anything."

Willow kissed her deeply, her tongue and lips trying to wash away the wounds their quarrel had led them both to. She was determined to do whatever it took to keep them from fighting ever again.

Tara knew in her mind that she should stop what was about to happen and finish what she had begun to say. She knew she should ask Willow about the spells she'd used to fight Glory and warn her not to use them again, because she loved her too much to let her lose herself that way. But with Willow's mouth moving from hers down her neck, across her collarbones, to her breasts that were already being exposed by her lover's quick hands on her nightshirt she couldn't bring herself to speak. The pull was too strong, and after so long trapped in her own mind she didn't want to resist.

…

Buffy lay awake for a while, full of restless energy from skipping patrol. She was trying to fall asleep at a decent time so she could get up early and double-check everything was on track for Dawn's return to school. Giles had agreed to help her come up with an excuse if anyone asked about the girl's absences, but she doubted he'd be able to come up with anything convincing. Eventually she drifted off into a dream that began much more pleasantly than her last one.

She could see the lobby and courtyard of the Hyperion Hotel. Cordelia was dressed in an outlandish gold trimmed purple robe, tiara, white skirt and a metallic scale bikini. She was leading Angel, Wesley, Gunn and some brown haired woman she couldn't name inside. The woman was looking at Cordelia excitedly.

"Are-are you sure about that?" She asked.

"Trust me. Tacos _everywhere_. And soap."

"Yo, that portal jumpin' is a fun ride." Gunn said as the smiling group made their way through the ivy covered courtyard. "We sell it to a theme park, we could get paid."

Angel pushed his way ahead of his companions. "Okay, can I say it? I want to say it."

"Say what?" Wesley asked as they all chuckled at the broody vampire's pep.

Angel pushed open the double glass doors of the hotel.

"There's no place like-" He stopped, and the five all lost their smiles. They were looking across the lobby to a figure hunched over on the red loveseat, hands folded. "Willow?"

"What's…?" Cordelia began. The witch stood looking grief stricken, and Angel started to mouth an answer before she could.

The dream faded into hazy nothingness, and when the Slayer woke she had no answers.

"Okay," She said to herself. "Maybe they aren't going away."

…

Buffy paced, checking the clock against the school schedule Willow had left her with at the beginning of the semester. She knew she could call L.A. without waiting for anyone to be done with classes, but any contact with Angel and his crew felt incredibly awkward. She had to start with someone she could tell anything to before talking to Cordelia or Wesley and sounding like a crazy person. It was finally three minutes into a long break between classes, and with luck her best friend would be in her room or least in there soon enough to pick up a message. She clenched and unclenched her fist as the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Will. Um, I was wondering if you had any plans to visit L.A. anytime soon? Like, to maybe bring someone important news?"

"No, not really. Were you planning on going?"

"No, no visiting anywhere planned for me. But, if there was something really tragic you had to tell someone, and they were in L.A…"

"Oh no. No tragedy here." Willow paused on her end. "Buffy, is this about Angel? Are you wanting to go see him?"

"Big no there. He's got his own life now and I shouldn't bug him with stuff that's not important…"

"Is there something important? What's important?" Her friend's voice was beginning to speed up with anxiety.

"No, just, I was kind of wondering how they're doing." It was a lame excuse, but Buffy wasn't even sure what she needed to know.

"Well if it's too harsh talking to Angel, you could just talk to Cordy. I haven't heard much from her since she kicked Harmony out of town. I still think they should have staked her."

"Well, that's kind of my fault I guess. I started the trend of sparing her." She considered Willow's advice. "Chatting with Cordelia, huh?"

…

"You've reached Angel Investigations. We help the helpless…"

"Hey Cordelia. It's Buffy."

"Oh." The cheerful voice of the company switched to the tone of a strained friend. "Nice of you to call. What's ending the world?"

"Nothing. We stopped it. That time of the year you know."

"Late April? Apocalypses usually come just before summer. At least the ones I've lived through."

"A Spring Fling Armageddon then." Buffy tapped her fingers along the back of the phone, stalling to find the right question. "What about you guys? Any huge doom and gloominess on the horizon?"

"Not as far as we know, but I'll be the one with the inside info once it is." She said a bit haughtily.

"Great. So it's all been pretty quiet?"

Cordelia scoffed. "Hardly. We just got back from this other dimension, Pylea. We brought down an ancient theocracy and re-ordered a society built on apartheid and slavery." The Slayer thought she heard the other woman sigh away from the receiver. "I miss it there."

"Sounds like an amazing adventure, and very social justicey."

"Totally. And we saved this woman who'd been trapped there for five years. Fred? She's way psyched to be back."

Fred. So that was the woman she'd seen. At least that much of the dream had been true.

"She enjoying Earth food like pizza, ice cream, tacos?"

"Oh she raves about tacos. I think Gunn's going to take her out for ice cream sometime this week." Cordy paused for a few seconds. "Buffy, why did you call if nothing's wrong?"

"Is it bad to call when things are normal?"

"No, but you never do. What's up?"

She was silent. She didn't want to mention her dreams, not yet. Cordelia however, was one of the few people whose perspective might make sense of some of it.

"I was just wondering, have you had had any visions of… a big hole made of chaos shooting lightning? Or maybe of you all coming into the hotel and finding Willow looking really, really sad?"

"No, but if I had we'd be dealing with them." The seer's tone shifted again, becoming softer. "Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"He's doing a lot better these days. I mean, things got really bad for a while and he was worse than ever but I think he's really hitting his stride. You'd be proud of him."

She choked a bit. She hadn't wanted to talk about Angel. Having him at her mother's funeral had been a great comfort, but once he was gone the pain was the same as ever. Little by little she was moving beyond it, and Riley. After losing one family member and nearly losing another she knew there were far worse things in life than a bad break-up or two.

"Good."

…

Spike held up his first poker hand since the wish. Last time around it had been two weeks before he came to Willy's to do anything but drown his sorrows in bad whiskey and pig's blood. He'd been a bit drunk, but he remembered the hands he'd been dealt clearly. Clement had fronted him a bit of fluff and he'd ended the night two calicos in debt. With luck and bit of skill, he'd learn more useful information this time around, and with his knowledge of the cards he'd likely walk home with the pot. It probably wouldn't be tonight, but eventually he might hear something that would lead him to an artifact or book or some such of enough value to keep Buffy from getting into debt and taking that degrading fast food job. Not to mention the things it could buy him, like a television that worked more than half the time.

"Any word on those toadies of the mad god?" He asked, careful to keep his tells the same as they'd been before. The spiny headed demon across the table from him had won the round they were in with a good bluff, and Spike knew he could win with the new card he'd been bold enough to exchange for this time around. "They still lurking or have they scarpered?"

"Hightailed it out of town after the Slayer cacked the bitch." The green horned fiend to his left answered. "A pal of mine went poking around the mansion. Nothing there but women's clothes and shoes."

"Shoes can be sold. If you know the right the people." Clement said taking a card from the deck.

"Well good for you if you do, because I don't." The green demon said before laying his cards on the table. "Fold."

Spike had a brief vision of leaving a few dozen shoeboxes on the porch of the Slayer's house, but quickly blotted it out with disgust. Anything that had touched Glory should be burnt.

"I fold too." Clement said sadly.

Spike and the spiny demon both turned over their hands.

"Three of a kind."

"Flush."

His opponent growled as the vampire pulled the basket of kittens toward him. The green demon dealt out the next hand, and Spike looked over his cards eager to continue his winning streak. Seven of diamonds, eight of diamonds, nine of diamonds, two of hearts… and a three of clubs. There hadn't been any clubs in his second hand before. _Of course. How could I be so thick?_He'd taken a different card, and changed the composition of the deck. He was lucky four cards were the same. If he wanted to win any more tonight he'd just have to rely on good old body reading and subterfuge.

Was there a way to win the whole pot? Only if he waited for a night when he could have won it, let everything play out the way it had before until the last hand. It seemed a good strategy to apply to Buffy. He thought it over a minute, the game losing his interest. Some things were worth changing; even it did muck things up for him a bit. But he'd keep this lesson in mind. It could make all the difference at the right moment. He'd just have to seize it when it was.

…

Buffy's dreams for the past three weeks had been a mix of the usual, non-prophetic variety, and the unsettling truthy ones. Sometimes they were of the gang patrolling in Sunnydale's numerous graveyards. In others she saw Angel fighting and meditating in far away Asian cities. The woman named Fred had shown up a couple of times, writing frantically on the walls of her room in the hotel. Tonight's setting was the Magic Box. Giles, Willow, Spike, Tara and Xander were all slumped to the floor, moaning. Anya held Xander in her arms, Dawn standing nearby, the only one unaffected. The cause of their distress was a spectral figure hovering over Xander, looking like a corpse nearly rotted to the bone. Dawn called out to Anya.

"Anya- stop, think! Think. You know Xander loves you. And yeah, he also loves- loved Buffy, but in a different way! Separate the two! Separate how you feel!"

Her words stirred the Scoobies, and they all linked hands. Dawn said more, but in the haze of her dream Buffy couldn't make it out. They focused their energy and with great struggle the demon was expelled. Xander and Spike looked at each other awkwardly before pulling back their hands violently.

"Uh…" The carpenter said uncomfortably.

"Okay, then…"

…

Three weeks after Glory's defeat found the witches taking an afternoon visit to the Magic Box. Willow was adding a bottle of crushed nightshade root to her small collection of ingredients and Anya stomped over.

"Hey!" She grabbed Willow's wrist. "You can't just put that in your bag." The shopkeeper pulled open the sack and looked in horror at her unaccounted for merchandise. "Giles!" Anya's call brought the older man out the diary he was reading. "Willow is stealing again."

"I'm not out of the store!" She protested. Giles and Tara came to join the feuding girls at the front of the building. "How is this stealing?"

"Then you're going to pay for it?" Anya asked, confident her fellow businessman would back her up.

"Well, I was going to use them in here, so really, do I have to pay for things that don't even leave the shop?"

"Are you hearing this Giles? If I took my eyes off her she'd clean this place out!" She turned to point accusingly at Willow. "You're some kind of sneaky… witch thief!"

"I'm using them for the greater good here. Giles?" The spellcaster pleaded, counting on her longer relationship with the Englishman to make him take her side. He was flustered and didn't get his words out before Tara spoke.

"Willow, you really should just pay for them."

She thought of arguing, but forced herself to take things calmly. She handed her bag to Giles and pulled Tara a few feet away to whisper to her.

"I would but, I'm still kind of relying on my parents for money. My bank account and my grades are some of the few things they talk to me about." The blonde nodded. She knew "coming out" as a witch to her family hadn't gone well for Willow, and explaining charges for salamander eyes and murtag root probably wasn't something she was eager to do. Giles cleared his throat.

"Be that as it may, this is a business Willow." Anya smiled with a bounce. "I understand that you use your magic to help out, but you have to bear in mind that this shop is my livelihood now…" His employee coughed. "… and Anya's."

Willow frowned. An argument with her emotionally detached parents was dealable if it meant doing right by Giles.

"So, in the interest of giving you a source of income independent from people who may not wish it spent here, I'd like to offer you a job." Anya and Willow both gaped at him in disbelief. "Part time."

"But…" The ex-demon said, already seeing mischief twinkling in the witch's green eyes.

"You would be her supervisor of course." Anya settled a bit, appeased by the thought of authority.

"I'll take it!" Willow said to her new boss. She turned to take her girlfriend's hands. "This could be great. I've never worked retail before, but who knows this stuff better than me?"

"Me." Anya answered. "I know every piece of inventory in the shop. I'll know if there's any employee related shrinkage."

Tara pursed her lips. Willow, around magic supplies even more frequently. With only a crabby former demon to watch her.

"Mr. Giles, if you need any extra help I'd like to work here too." He looked surprised. "I know you're going to be spending more time with Buffy, and I know a lot about spell components and relics."

"Certainly. I'm afraid the pay won't be very much, but I'll be happy to look over your class schedules to work out what times you can come in."

"Will we get employee discounts?" Willow asked cheerfully.

"No." Both storekeepers said together.

The bell rang as Xander and Buffy entered the shop.

"So we should be good for a few more months, but I don't want to run out of cash and then start looking for a way to make some."

"Well, my crew is full up right now, but once summer starts we'll be hiring new people. I'm surprised you're interested."

Xander greeted Anya with a kiss as Buffy waved to her Watcher and friends.

"Sounds like everybody's getting new jobs today." Willow said as she, Buffy and Tara moved to the table in the back. Her best friend raised an eyebrow. Anya followed them over, excited at the talk of finances.

"If you still have some funds, you should invest them now. I can point you to some great stocks."

Buffy grimaced a little. "I don't know. Stocks always seemed a bit like gambling, and I've never been very good at that."

"Well if you're hesitant I could start you out with a few shares. The trick is to buy stock in the companies that make the base components that the other companies use."

"Um, Willow, Tara, perhaps I can show you the inventory system?" Giles asked, leading the witches to the other end of the shop.

"Sure." The Slayer said in answer to Anya's offer, figuring it couldn't hurt to give up a little of her savings. The woman knew money better than her at the very least. "I don't want to impose or anything."

"Well if you feel obligated, I can charge a small broker's fee." Anya replied sincerely. She reconsidered how that may have sounded. "Not that you're obligated. I'm happy to do this favor for you."

With the other girl smiling at her it was hard to put aside the unsettling feeling last night's dream had given her. Sure, demon bad, but lingering jealousy over old crushes? That could get ugly.

"It'd be a great help. Um, Anya, can ask you a non-money question? About girl stuff?"

The business woman nodded. "Certainly. I'm well versed in that too."

"You know that there's nothing between me and Xander right? That we're friends, with absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings at all?"

"Oh I know that." Anya said plainly, any doubt invisible in her body language. "He's had years to get over the sting of your rejection and has no more interest in you." Her eyes went dark as she leaned forward slightly. "If he did there's no way I'd let you go work with him, getting all sweaty and tense…" She shuddered at her thoughts and pushed herself out of her chair. "I'm going to get him now. You can bring me your money tomorrow." Buffy blinked, amused and relieved at how well that had gone.


	3. Chapter One Part Two: Life of Buffy

Chapter One: Life of Buffy

Part Two

Dawn placed the bouquet at the base of the headstone beside the already wilting flowers they had left recently on Mother's Day. The teen sat back on her heels, picturing the kind face of the woman she was about to speak to.

"Hi mom. I know it hasn't been that long since my last visit, but it felt like so much of what we said was… not the whole truth. Things _are_ safer now, and Buffy's been doing really great with her patrols. Spike shows up to help her most nights, and I think it's bugging her less. Xander and Giles hate it but I feel better with someone else super-strong out there with her."

"Buffy's been trying to do all the things you did for us when you were here. She still can't cook or fix anything, and she's totally out of her league trying to figure out the bills. She's really on me about doing well in school, like she's one to talk. With all the stuff she did when she was my age…"

"Her head's not here these days, and she keeps asking weird questions and then hoping nobody remembers. She asked Willow and Tara to move in with us when they finish the semester. It seemed really important to her and I don't even know where she got the idea. I think she just wants more people around the house to babysit me. They're all still taking turns watching me even though it's been a month since we beat Glory. None of the demons or vampires that have shown up since then have come after me, so I don't get why they have to keep treating me like a little kid."

"No one else seems to see that Buffy's acting weird. Probably because they're all too caught up in their own secrets. Giles keeps making Buffy go over the basics and making excuses when she asks him about moving on to other stuff. Spike keeps watching Buffy to see if she's, I don't know, proud of him when they fight demons together. He's still so obviously into her, but he's not trying to make any moves. It's kind of weird. Anya's always bugging Xander like she's waiting for him to do something, and then he tries to calm her down so no one notices. Even Willow and Tara are acting strange. Willow's walking on eggshells whenever Tara starts to sound even a little upset, and Tara's always looking at Willow like she might catch on fire if she looks away, and not in a good way."

Dawn stopped, and fiddled with the bouquet's torn off price tag that was still in her pocket.

"I'm not any better. I won't talk to anyone about the things they call me school. 'Gravestone girl'. I mean, what kind of dumb nickname is that anyway? How is it funny or clever? God, people can just be so stupid. I had to cut out of school at lunch or I would have punched out that girl… what makes her think she can talk like that?"

She seethed for a few minutes until the anger passed, overcome by loneliness.

"I know I shouldn't be stealing stuff. It's just… I want someone to notice that everything's not okay with me. That I'm a person, not just a thing that needs be under some big security lockdown twenty four seven. You always got that."

"Every time I think I'm starting to miss you less I get scared. I don't want to forget you. Everyone says not to worry, that moving on doesn't mean forgetting you, but I'm not ready. I don't want it to stop hurting. It'd be like I didn't love you enough."

Dawn sat in silence for a while, the sun slowly moving across the sky above her. A cloud passed over and the sudden coolness snapped her back to reality. Buffy would be coming to pick her up from school soon.

"I love you mom. I'll be back soon."

…

Spike entered Willy's and glanced around to find Clement. Unfortunately the loose skinned demon wasn't alone. Three human figures in red robes stood around him, turning to look at the vampire as the door shut behind him. _Shit. The Doc's brothers. _He wasn't expecting them tonight, as he remembered taking Dawn out for ice cream before running in to them before. This time she must have not come to the graveyard he had found her in. _Everything is moved by the ripples. These bastards couldn't have been rippled out?_ The first demon, a young looking blonde man, approached Spike with a warm, open smile on his human looking face. 

"Say, my good man, we're looking for a witch and we've heard that you…"

Spike shoved him away, trying to make a break for the door. "Sod off."

The second demon, a solid middle aged man spoke the words of an incantation.

"Te azew noanu horik." Spike cursed in his head, immobilized by the magick. If he'd been more careful he would have been able to avoid the humiliation of falling into the same trap twice. "Let's try this again. Tell us, do you know a witch?"

"Yes." He responded against his will. Clement looked at his ensorcelled poker pal in concern.

"Hey! What did you do to him?"

"Simple charm spell." The youngest of the three explained. "A great tool for dealing with hostile creatures."

"And is she powerful?" The spell caster continued his questioning.

"Yes." _Powerful enough to kick your sorry asses. _

Clement nodded a bit nervously. "He is hostile, sometimes. Is he going to be like this for long?"

"Only long enough for us to plant a suggestion, then he'll be back to normal."

"See? I knew this would work." The caster bragged to his brothers. "Is it within your power to see that she comes to us?"

"Yes." _Maybe I can convince Willow to kill you this time around._

"Okay. Here's what you need to do."

…

Spike picked the lock on the rear entrance to the Magic Box. Willow was off patrol duty for the night fixing the Buffy-bot. He made his way to the basement, hoping the robot would be turned off. The hacker was just shutting her laptop as she spotted him.

"Spike. What's up?" She asked a bit guardedly.

"You remember Doc? Demon that tried to slice up the little bit?"

Willow's eyes narrowed.

"Is he back?"

"No, but he had three brothers. They came to Willy's and laid a bit of a mystic whammy on me."

"So they're out for revenge on you? You're not looking very mauled."

"Wasn't what they were after. They're after you."

Green eyes widened in surprise.

"Me?"

"Yeah, they made me tell them about you being a powerful witch."

Willow stood up glaring at him.

"You did what?"

"It was a charm spell they had me under, or I wouldn't have told them anything. I know better than to piss you off. I came straight here after I got away."

The redhead took a deep breath.

"Details. Make with them."

"I figure you better find them before they find you. And I know where to find them. They're hanging out at Doc's house. He dealt in powerful spells, black magic, life-and-death kind of stuff. They want you to help them with a scroll they found."

"If they're the kind that would worship Glory, they can forget about getting help from me."

Spike grinned as Willow began to gather up spell components. "So you aren't going to call Buffy?"

The witch shook her head. "I can't go running to her every time something bad goes down. Besides," She settled her bag of supplies over her shoulder. "… I'm the big gun."

…

They could hear the demons talking on the other side of the door.

"I'm just as eager to find this 'Willow' as you two gentlemen are… but we have to be prepared for what we're going to say to her."

"If we run into her in the cemetery and don't have our act together… we'll look like idiots."

Willow blasted open the deadbolt and stepped in with Spike behind her.

"Too late. You know, the whole idiot thing. Now, what do you guys need a witch for?"

The solid man who seemed to be in charge stepped forward.

"Now, let's take this one step at a time."

"Yeah…" The third brother followed up. He had darker hair than the others and was portly and mustached. "How do we even know you're really a witch?"

"Maybe we need to understand each other better." The youngest said congenially.

The three lashed out at the tiny girl with their vicious tongues. Spike lunged forward to fight, but Willow stopped them before their attacks could do more than brush her skin.

"CIRCUMLIGO."

The demons' tongues flew back into their mouths, causing them to each give a pained choking sound as they were bound by a yellow circle of energy.

"I think I understand you just fine. You mess with people's minds and attack people you're counting on to help you."

Spike cracked his knuckles. The leader looked at Willow pleadingly.

"We are sorry to have offended you. We didn't mean to anger you. All we ask is for you to destroy a scroll for us."

"You see, we were sent here for the scroll, but when we read it… it…" The mustached demon continued.

"We knew we had to take matters into our own hands." The young blonde finished.

"You must believe that we are doing the right thing by destroying it. You MUST believe us."

Willow scoffed. "This scroll?"

"Yeah."

She reached out, inspecting the resonance of the scroll with her power.

"You really are a bunch of idiots." Her prisoners were sweating by now as she twirled the paper in her hands. "There's a powerful protection spell on this, and when it breaks it's set to kill you three. If you had managed to destroy it you'd all be dead."

Willow contracted her hand, squeezing the binding spell tighter. "Consider this a favor. You leave town, never come back, and in exchange I let you live."

The brothers bowed and blurted out apologies before hurrying out into the night. Spike gave a kick to the leader's rump as he fumbled past.

"You're getting a bit scary there Red."

"Unlike some people, who get less scary over time." The vampire feigned offense.

"Hey now. You put me in a room with that lot, no magic, I'll show you scary. I'm just a creature of physical means. Not much I can do against dark mojo like you throw around."

_Dark mojo, huh? _Willow thought as she looked over the stuffed bookshelves. It was quite an array of powerful volumes, even more enticing than Giles' restricted section. "I should come back here and clean the place out. This is dangerous stuff to just leave lying around for whatever demons hole up here next."

The cogs in Spike's head began to turn. "More books for the librarian then? Suit yourself." He knew the witch would likely nick a few things for herself, but that wasn't his concern. He waited for Willow to leave and began to look through the house. Hours later he found something promising. Not an item still in Doc's home, but a treasure mentioned in the old demon's ledgers of sale. Obtaining it would mean tracking down some dangerous people, and probably more than a few fights. But if he could find it, it would more than cover the bills piling up at the Summer's house. _Looks like I'm taking a holiday to Mexico. _

…

Xander and Buffy walked side by side in hardhats after Buffy's first day on the job.

"So Tony thinks I'm doing good work. It took me a while to figure out of the rhythm of it all and not finish everything too fast."

"Yeah, you gotta watch out for that. Don't want to scare the guys with the Slayer strength."

Buffy winced. "I think it might be a little late to worry about that. They've all been giving me a pretty wide berth since I lifted that girder."

"I wouldn't do that again. That's got to be an OSHA violation."

The Slayer grinned at her friend. "Listen to you. Talking about unions and government regulations. You've become a real adult."

The two removed their hats as they left the construction site. "You're just saying that to squeeze a raise out of me."

"I'm serious Xander. You're the most grown-up of all of us."

He chuckled disbelievingly. "Well, I don't know about the _most _grown-up. I know I'm not all childish and temper tantrumy like Giles."

"Hey, Giles is like a grown-up's grown-up. Most of the time." She looked at Xander sincerely. "You're leading people, you're mastering skills, taking care of your own apartment that you pay for with your own work. That's being an adult." Buffy turned to watch the road as they entered the crosswalk. "If I'm lucky I'll get there soon too."

The carpenter thought about Buffy's words as she went to meet Giles for patrol. An adult. Being an adult meant taking responsibility for your choices. Maybe he was ready.

…

Buffy's boot connected with the vampire's head before the undead woman could pull back from the body she was feeding from. Two of her companions grabbed Buffy by the arms to pull her off. With the vampires gripping her she took their fixed positions as an opportunity and staked the vamp holding her on the left while throwing the one on her right off balance. He tried to tackle her as he regained his footing, but Giles sliced into his shoulder with a broadsword. Buffy snatched the lady vamp's collar as she got to her feet and started to run. She unleashed a quick series of punches to her demonic face that would have heavily concussed a human opponent. The vampire growled and scratched at the arm the Slayer was holding her with. Meanwhile the ex-Watcher withdrew his weapon from the wound and backed away to lure his enemy from the other battle.

The vampire's nails drew blood and Buffy reflexively let go. "The word 'manicure' mean anything to you? What is it with you women vamps and the horror hooks?" Her opponent swiped for her throat with the claws in question and Buffy leaned back, moving into a side kick. She spun and a second kick connected, the force knocking the vamp into the side of the building. The Slayer grabbed her stake and lunged for the heart as the woman cried out in fear. Her ally turned his head at the sound and Giles took the opening to finish him with a decapitating strike.

Mentor and student kneeled by the body the bloodsuckers had been feasting on. It was a pointless gesture, but Buffy put her hand to the woman's pulse, feeling the stillness.

"We were too late."

Giles sighed, nodding in simple acknowledgement. "Shall we go after the one who fled?" He asked.

"He's long gone. And it's not like he can make her any more dead now." She stood, looking away from the corpse and down the alleyway the fourth vampire had run to. "But I am going to get him."

…

The next afternoon found the two discussing plans to track down the remaining fiend over knife throwing practice. "So, spread out in a standard search pattern from the murder site, checking all the dank and dark places?" Buffy heard the back door open and turned instinctively to aim her dagger at the intruder. She sighed and lowered her arm when she saw the blanket covered figure.

"Hello Spike." She had gotten used to running into him on patrol after the showdown with Glory, but he'd been completely absent for the past two weeks. She didn't want to admit it, but she preferred having him around when monster fighting to her friends sometimes. With Spike she didn't have to look out for his safety, and he had eighty years of experience on even Giles. It made focusing on the slaying easier.

"I don't appreciate you breaking into my store unannounced Spike." Giles said tersely as he crossed his arms. The vampire shrugged and dropped his tarp onto the floor.

"Well, if you don't mind me frightening off your customers by charging in here on fire, I can come in the front. Your call mate."

"Point taken. Just… put the locks back after you pick them." He relented, aggravated.

"So what's so important you braved the harsh light of day to come here?" Buffy asked, running the knife's edge along her finger menacingly.

"I heard you've got a mad on for some vamps that killed a woman last night. I happen to know where the hole they crawled into is." He smirked at her. "Was wondering if you'd be up for a little daylight raid?"

Giles winced as his charge agreed.

…

The lair was tucked away in an abandoned alcove in the sewers underneath downtown. They burst in to find the gang of vampires napping. Buffy went for the one who'd escaped her last night first, letting her anger guide her power. Spike seemed to anticipate her every move, moving fluidly beside her. The whole battle went by in a blur of axe swings, stakes, fists and ash. She brushed off the dust of the last vampire from her sleeve as Spike met her gaze.

"Why do you keep doing this?" She asked. The vampire lifted his scarred eyebrow in bemusement. "I know you need a hobby, but why do you need to do it near me? I was going to tell you before your little break these past two weeks, I don't really need the help."

"Oh I know you don't need the help." His eyes glinted with playfulness. "But what's the harm in teaming up with someone else who enjoys the rough-and-tumble? Can't tell me you don't like it."

Buffy rolled her eyes as she wandered around the room. "Slaying might be my gig, but I still prefer bargain hunting to demon hunting for my kicks." _Boy hunting used to be fun too, _she thought wistfully, _before they all started to turn out to be vampires, super-soldiers, or medical interns sharing a body with Hell gods. _Her train of thought was derailed when she saw an iridescent glowing ovoid object near the head of a mattress. She picked it up, inspecting it. It was about the size of her fist, and shaped like the tip of a spear of asparagus, each layer of leaves a different color. The shades constantly shifted as the light from the core of the object dimmed and brightened. _Whoa. Definite Giles material here. _She put it in her jacket pocket for later and turned to leave. The chipped vampire was waiting for her at the exit. He had seen her find the artifact he had planted earlier, and she'd taken it without question. His southern expedition would all be worth it. 

"So what do you say? Care to go again?"

…

It was late by the time Buffy got back from hitting the nests Spike knew about and sweeping the town's plentiful graveyards for new arrivals. Dawn, Willow and Tara had already gone to sleep, having been called and told not to wait up. She took the glowing ovoid out of her weapon bag and set it on her nightstand. As she got ready for bed, she couldn't help but remember the last time someone dangerous had taken her on a daytime vampire raid. It was one of her happy memories with Faith. She spat out her toothpaste forcefully, imagining the other girl's face. It would be so much easier if all her memories of Faith were awful. Then she could just let herself hate her. Hatred would be so much easier than the weird cocktail of sympathy, disappointment, jealousy and million other things she felt when she thought about her. Buffy couldn't just block her out of mind either. They were Slayers, and as long as that remained true they'd be connected.

Faith wasn't the only person she was of two minds about, the principle one being Angel. At least with him, she could focus the negative emotions on the demon Angelus and the positive ones on the human souled Angel.

Then there was Spike. Spike was the killer and the ally, with no separation. It was hard to reconcile his recent actions with his long history of violence. Obviously it was thanks to the chip, but the first year he'd been impaired he hadn't gone out of way to be helpful, he'd just kept on serving himself. Gradually he seemed to be changing, the past few months especially. That didn't absolve him of anything, but at least some good could enter the world through the actions of someone evil.

Buffy fell back on her bed, frustrated with where her thoughts were leading her. Good deeds or no, Spike's motivations were clear. He was in love with her, or at least as much a being without a soul could be. It wasn't quite leading him on to let him fight beside her, but she couldn't let it go any further. For now it was worth letting him help to keep Sunnydale even a little safer. At least, that was how she could justify it to herself.

The treasure she had recovered silently shined its light on the Slayer as she fell into sleep.

…

Buffy's whole body was suffused with a comfortable warmth. She opened her eyes and everything around her was covered in soft, white light. She was in a small room, apparently not alone. Xander stood across from her in tuxedo pants and a formal shirt wrapped in a cummerbund. A necktie hung unfinished around his collar. Behind him was a floor length mirror. Buffy herself was in a long green dress, her hair pulled up and accented with a matching green flower.

"A little help here Buff? It's almost time." There was anxious pleading in his voice.

_Time for what? _She wondered for a second, and then slapped her forehead at the obviousness. _We're at a wedding! _She happily took the ends of her best friend's tie and tied it for him, for some reason not having the trouble she normally did with the task. The door of the white room opened as Dawn rushed in wearing the same dress as her sister.

"Come on you guys! It's time!"

Xander put on his tuxedo jacket and smoothed it down. They followed him out of the room and into the main hall of the building. It was shaped like a long tunnel, and at the far end stood Giles, dressed in ceremonial tweed robes holding open a large tome. Behind him was the evident source of the white light, gentle enough not to hurt her eyes as she looked at it. Buffy made her way to Giles, and she found herself standing with Willow next to Xander. Across from them were Tara and Dawn. She turned to look back the way she came from and saw that the hall was filled with everyone the gang knew, even some of the nicer demons. The bride finally appeared in a tight sequined gown, holding a bouquet Buffy thought she could recognize flowers with spell uses inside of. Anya arrived and beamed at Xander with pure affection. Giles recited the ceremony, and Buffy couldn't remember the words, or the couple's vows, but they were beautiful. He asked the best man to produce the rings, and Willow took out Anyanka's green medallion and zapped it with a small jolt of magick. It split open to reveal the rings. They slid them on and Giles closed the book.

"I now pronounce you man and former demon." The bride didn't wait for the Watcher's permission to kiss her new husband and the crowd cheered. Tara caught the bouquet as the newlyweds made their way into the light. The light receded a bit to reveal the reception hall further down the tunnel. Buffy walked towards it, taking in the odd decorations. The room seemed to be a mix of the Bronze and the auditorium where they'd had their senior prom. Jonathan was on stage, backed by a jazz band. He began to sing as the guests made their way to the buffet and dance floor.

Buffy caught sight of one guest in a loose white dress and stopped in her tracks. It was her mother, making cheerful small talk with Giles. The Slayer ran over to Joyce, stunned. Her mother smiled broadly at her and held open her arms for a hug.

"It's so good to see you dear." Buffy accepted the hug, but pulled back confused.

"Mom, you're here. How?"

"Oh I know, it's a bit of a surprise, with the dead thing and all." Joyce made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "I'm just here to visit. Heaven is a very nice place you know. Earth kind of loses its charm once you've been there. But I do miss you girls. I'm so proud of you Buffy." The deceased woman scanned the crowd and her eyes found Dawn. "We'll talk more soon. You have a good time."

Her mother made her way to her youngest child and Buffy shook her head in amazement. It was weird, but in this place meeting the departed didn't seem so strange. She looked around and saw Oz and Cordelia chatting at a table with drinks beside them. Oz was barefoot and holding a puppy in his lap. She approached them and they stopped talking to look at her.

"You guys made it."

"Got to be here for the Xand Man. Too few Y chromosomes in his life these days." The musician said cradling the young dog. Now that Buffy saw it more closely she could see that its limbs met its torso in a humanlike fashion. "I brought my son." She frowned in concern.

"Is it safe? For him to be around all these people?"

Oz looked at his child, realizing what Buffy meant. "Oh, well he's too young to change himself. I better take him to the bathroom." He got up and left, patting the infant werewolf's back affectionately. She turned her attention to the seer.

"I'm surprised you came to Xander's wedding. I know it's been a long time, but still. Things ended kind of rough for you."

Cordelia scoffed. "Oh please. So over that. Besides, I introduced the bride and groom. They _had _to have me here." She leaned over to whisper to Buffy conspiratorially. "Wes and the others are watching things in L.A. You know, so 'he' could come."

The Slayer nodded slightly. "Right. Him."

"So, go see him!" Cordy encouraged Buffy indicating the dance floor behind her.

She turned around and saw Angel waiting expectantly in a tuxedo. She stepped over to him cautiously.

"Why did you come?"

Angel didn't look offended by the question, just calmly pleased that Buffy was drawing nearer.

"For you. I came to Joyce's funeral." Suddenly, and without any transition he became a taller man with close cut dirty blond hair and large muscles. "I'll always come. If you want me here." Riley finished.

"But you left to go to the jungle." Riley became Angel again. "I mean L.A. You chose to leave me."

"I thought it was for the best then." The vampire said sadly. "I didn't want to leave." The soldier said regretfully.

Spike stomped over to them, putting himself between Angel/Riley and Buffy.

"Is he giving you trouble? I can hurt him for you." Buffy took in Spike's apparel. He had a nice shirt on beneath his duster, but more noticeably he was wearing a spiked leather collar with a leash trailing off it. There was a metal tag on the collar which read "This pet has been micro-chipped." She wasn't sure what to say to him, but it became a moot point when Dawn came over and took his leash.

"Sorry Buffy, I dropped it." The girl pulled the vampire away from his rival(s) and admonished him. "Bad Spike! No biting." Buffy was left alone with her ex-lover(s).

"It really hurt when you left me like that."

"I know." Riley said nodding. "But you still miss me." Said Angel.

"Well yeah," she said, still wondering why the two men kept switching back and forth. "But that's not the point. Which one of you am I supposed to be talking to anyway?"

"Well that depends," Angel said as he took something glowing out of his pocket. "On which of us you miss more." Riley said handing the colorful egg shaped treasure to her. "It's your perfect day. You choose." Angel explained.

Buffy turned the artifact over in her hands, feeling a soothing energy pulse through it to her. "Perfect huh?" She looked at the man waiting hopefully for her decision. "I don't think the Slayer can ever have perfect love." Angel/Riley looked hurt. "What we had… it seemed so great at the time, but in the end…"

She looked to the dance floor where her friends were celebrating. Xander dancing with his new wife Anya, Willow and Tara looking blissful together.

"It wasn't perfect. I thought it was close enough, but it wasn't." Buffy held up the egg, making a choice. "And even if I could have either of you back, good enough isn't enough. I can't be with you."

The man shrugged. "It's true. In the real world nothing is perfect. That doesn't mean you can't be happy." Angel stepped closer to her. "You need someone who can make love to you without losing themselves." Riley squeezed her free hand. "Someone who you can tell anything to, no matter how dark it is."

Buffy sighed. "Then I haven't met him yet."

…

Giles looked at the recovered treasure in fascination.

"Extraordinary. You found this in a vampire's lair?"

"Yep." Buffy answered from her seat at the Magic Box's table. "Tucked in his bed like a glowy teddy bear."

"Well, that makes a certain degree of sense." He said turning the object from side to side. "It's called a Phantasmagoriova."

"A Phantasma-wha?"

"A dream egg." The Watcher explained gently. "It allows the user to enter a state of lucid dreaming, and with the proper manipulations can allow the dreamer to feel as if they are living a perfect day. Or any length of time."

Anya's interest was perked enough to drag her away from watching Willow and Tara try to make a sale at the other end of the store.

"You found a real dream egg? Did you use it?"

Buffy stiffened a little, hoping she hadn't done something stupid by sleeping next to it.

"Not… intentionally. It showed up in my dream but I didn't do anything besides put it on my nightstand."

"That just means you couldn't control the dream, and you woke up without any problems." Anya said matter of factly. "Normally people do an invocation before sleeping with the egg and design their own dream world."

"Yes, it's very good that you woke up normally. The power of the egg can be highly addictive."

"It's also very valuable. A working Phantasmagoriova could easily fetch six figures on the open market." She smiled excitedly. "You… weren't going to keep it, were you? Because you could get a lot of money if you sold it."

The Slayer considered her options. It was tempting to keep the dream egg; she'd finally have a way to block out the demon nightmares, past life memories, and the bizarre scenes that had been bothering her for the past several weeks. She knew that was irresponsible. The nightmares and the prophecies came with the Slayer package, and she'd be less prepared to protect people without them. Besides, the last thing she needed was a magic addiction. Money, that was something she always needed.

"I don't know that I'd want to post it on e-Bay myself, but if you wanted to look for a buyer, Giles, it'd be a really big help."

"Certainly." He said as Anya came over to look at the artifact more closely. "I'd have to vet the prospective buyers of course. It can be dangerous to a weak mind."

They agreed to post a description on the shop's website as a special order. Giles insisted to Anya that they be sure of the buyer's state of mind before selling it while she argued that anything foolish people did to themselves wasn't their problem as long as they paid. Eventually he gave up and took Buffy into the back for their training session. Dawn came to the store after school, followed shortly later by Xander. He was looking well groomed and somber. He checked that there were no customers in the shop and looked at his assembled friends, mostly sitting around the table. _Everyone's here, _he thought. _Time to be an adult. _

"Hey, everybody. Can I, um…Uh… there's something Anya and I want to tell you."

She looked at him in surprise as made his way to her place behind the cash register. "Now?"

"Now." Xander told her. He turned to face the gang. "We're getting married."

Dawn could feel her heart jump a little. She was happy for him, but at the same time it stung that her long time crush would be forever unrequited. "Oh, my God."

Tara took Willow's hand. "Congratulations."

Willow couldn't process what was going on fast enough. "That – that's – Wow." Her oldest friend, her Xander, was getting married? At twenty? With Tara's hand in hers she kicked herself for not thinking of proposing to the girl she loved first. Not that that would be sane, they were poor college students and part time retail workers. But blue-collar townie Xander, he was taking the leap and trying to make it work, with Anya of all people. That they had lasted this long was amazing, and maybe it was a sign that the two could really pull it off.

"It's a big wow." Xander said happily.

"I-I thought you were waiting for the right moment." Anya said, still not quite believing what she was hearing, but so pleased that she was.

"I did." He said simply. They kissed deeply, and Dawn felt a twinge of jealousy. Fifteen and no boy had even kissed her.

Buffy smiled, a little bit disconcerted by the coincidence but glad that for once her dreams had predicted something good. That dream egg must have known what it was talking about.

"Guys, we have to do something."

…

Something took the form of an impromptu engagement party at the Summer's house. Buffy swung by the grocery store to pick up party food while Anya showed off her ring. She dropped off the food in the kitchen and then joined the rest of the Scoobies in the living room.

"Sorry we couldn't do the big fancy. You kind of caught us with our parties down."

"Oh, that's okay." Anya said sincerely. "This is just the first premarital celebration. There'll be lots more. With gifts."

Willow and Tara came in carrying bowls of popcorn.

"Sure. Maybe we'll even have time to decorate for the next one." Tara said.

"Why wait?" Willow asked. The witch recited an incantation and the room became covered in festive decorations. Dawn chuckled at the sight. Tara and Giles both looked at the redhead in concern. Anya was thrilled.

"This is so much better than the way it usually looks." She reached over to hug Willow. "Thank you."

A while later Tara followed her girlfriend into the kitchen to fetch more snacks for the group. Willow poured chips into a bowl as Tara mustered the courage to confront her.

"The stores are still open. We could have bought decorations there."

Willow turned around, the bag of chips emptied. "Why bother? These are perfect. And extra biodegradabley. In a couple of hours – poof. " She opened a bottle of soda to pour herself a glass.

"No they're, they're great. It's just… why use magic when you can do something naturally?" Tara said softly.

"Well, you can fight monsters naturally… with sticks and stones. Don't recommend it though." She took a drink.

"Of course, but that's different."

"How?"

Tara was a bit confounded. Willow honestly didn't see the distinction. "Becau- Because you're protecting people… keeping them from being hurt."

"Which makes them happy, like pretty decorations made Anya happy."

The blonde sighed. "That's not the point, Will."

"What _is_ the point? Why does it bother you so much? This kind of magic, it couldn't harm a fly. What's to be scared of?"

"Willow, I j-just wish that you would stop and think about what you're…"

Dawn came in and stopped abruptly as she sensed the tension between her friends.

"Sorry. Just checkin' on the chips."

Willow took the opportunity to stop the argument before it became a fight. _No fighting, ever again._ "It's okay. We're done."

Tara sat there a while longer, Dawn sparing her a worried glance before following Willow back to the others. It was getting worse. Even without using anything dark, Willow was growing more dependent on magic all the time. She couldn't keep holding her tongue. Tara didn't know what it would take to get through to her, but she hoped she could find out before it was too late.

…

Buffy hung her head low in embarrassment as she walked through the August heat. Xander led her away from the mildly devastated structure she'd been helping to build for the past two months, hoping to shield her from the wrath of her co-workers.

"I'm sorry. I tried to kill them without wrecking anything, but they were small and, darty. I think you guys must have dug into a nest of whatever those critters were. Gremlins maybe?"

"Gremlins only show up if you feed them after midnight. You should go see Giles, I.D. those demons."

"You're firing me, aren't you?"

"Big time. Uh, try sketching them, that always helps. And then maybe, when I get off work I'll help you go through the mug shots."

The Slayer grumbled inside. She couldn't go one summer without her night and day job interfering with keeping a day job. "I hope he can sell that egg soon. I'm going to be using everything I earned here just to pay back the damages from today."

Xander put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't sweat it. I'll give you a great reference for your next job." She groaned at the idea.

"As long as it's not retail."

…

That night she was visited by another dream that resonated with truth. Angel was standing between Cordelia and a melancholy handsome man in a subway car.

"You loved someone… with all your heart?" The man asked the vampire incredulously.

"Yeah." Angel answered after a heavy pause.

"No you didn't." The man was furious. "Because if you had, you wouldn't be standing here playing games with me. You wouldn't be able to. Because when she died, or when some bastard killed her, it would've killed everything in you."

"I wouldn't be able to go on living." He said, seeming to understand his opponent's frustration.

"Don't worry. You won't. She won't either."

Cordelia called out to her protector as the man began to move. "Angel!"

He pulled out one of the seats and threw it at Angel. The man grabbed it and began to beat the vampire with it.

When Buffy opened her eyes she immediately got up and busied herself to block the dream from her mind. She was beginning to suspect what the dreams were telling her, and she wanted no part of it.

…

Author's Notes: I hope my fellow Spike fans aren't too offended by his portrayal in Buffy's dream. If you think that's mean, you see what I really think of Angel. The next chapter will be called "Denial" and will take us into Season Six proper.


	4. Chapter Two: Denial

Chapter Two: Denial

Four women were starting their day in the Summers' kitchen.

"So, rounds or funny shapes?" Tara asked Dawn as she began to shape the pancake batter with her spatula.

"Rounds are fine."

"Tara's good at cooking." Dawn and Tara both looked with amusement at the Buffy-bot. Willow had it pieced back together and was letting it hang around the house to see if its logic and speech functions were running smoothly. For the most part its artificial brain seemed to be fine, if a bit simple. The robot turned to address Tara directly. "Other me is very glad to have you around. You're good at household chores and I don't think I like those very much."

The blonde paused, a bit surprised at the compliment. Not that the others hadn't given her praise of the same sort since she'd moved in and taken the helm of the kitchen, but it was unexpected from the bot. "Thanks." She glanced to her girlfriend, who was running the coffee maker. "Did you program it to say that Willow?" Tara was actually grateful for the robot in a way. Willow had been so busy repairing and reprogramming it that she had little free time to work on magick.

Willow wasn't oblivious to Tara's worries, though she didn't completely understand her rationale. She had been making an effort to only practice wholesome and practical things like protection spells since their argument at the party. At least in front of Tara.

"No. I mean, I did expand on the somewhat incomplete and lacking-understanding-of-the-nature-of-sexual-orientations notes on us Warren gave it, but not that, specifically." She said as she poured herself a mug.

"What did you tell it about Tara?" Dawn asked from her seat teasingly.

"Good things! You know, brilliant, powerful witch, gorgeous…" Tara rolled her eyes and shoved Willow playfully.

"You can stop with the butt-kissing sweetie; I don't really care what a robot thinks about me."

"You used to think you were a demon. It was funny." All of them stared at the Buffy-bot in shock. Dawn glared at it, appalled at anything that might hurt her closest friend.

"Hey!"

"Okay that I did _not _program in. It must have been Spike, big creep." Willow said defensively, upset that she hadn't caught that when she was editing Tara's dossier in the robot's files.

"Spike is a bad man." Buffy-bot agreed. Her human counterpart entered the room as she continued. "Isn't that hot?"

"Oh god, it's still doing that?" Buffy had gotten somewhat used to her mechanical doppelganger, but despite Willow's assurances it wasn't capable of sex anymore it remained hung up on the love struck vampire.

"Sorry, I still haven't gotten rid of all the lines of pleasure code. I'll see about fixing that and the Tara-demon-thing in the next patch."

"You can't say things like that to Tara!" Dawn reprimanded, knowing it wasn't logical to try and reason with the thing but unwilling to let the slight pass unpunished.

"Dawn, I d-don't think that's going to help." Tara had been taken aback by the robot's outburst, but would rather just let it go than make a big deal out of it. The bot turned to her original's sibling looking contrite.

"I'm sorry sister. Tara's father is a bad man too. If he comes around here I'm going to break his nose with my fist."

"That one was me." Willow said raising her hand proudly. Her girlfriend gave her a small smile.

"Well that's a message I can get behind. Keep it in." Buffy said getting herself a cup for orange juice.

"Any more pun suggestions?" The hacker asked as she sat down, mentally organizing a list of issues to address next time she got under the android's hood. The Slayer considered. She'd been trying to give her copy good material to taunt villains with but it never felt quite right.

"I don't know, her delivery is all off. Has she at least cut out the knock-knock jokes?"

Buffy-bot perked up in excitement. "Ooh, knock-knock jokes? Who's there?"

…

Later the three friends stopped by the campus bookstore, Dawn dropped off at school and the robot safely shut down. Buffy and Tara had gathered up what they needed but Willow's intense schedule required a lot more texts.

"So at least dropping out gave me time to stall on picking a major. I'm going to run out of Gen Ed classes to take after this."

"Majors aren't that important." Tara reassured the Slayer. "Anything should be fine if it's something you like. Everyone told me not expect to get a job with an Art History major, but it's really interesting."

"Nothing wrong with Art History. That was my mom's major and she did great with it." Buffy felt a hint of grief well up as she always did at her mother's memory, but they were stinging less and less as time went on. Slowly the sadness was being left behind for warm affection. It had felt strange giving the witches Joyce's old room, but she'd seen them there in so many of her truthy dreams she was worried the universe would slap her if she didn't. The initial awkwardness hadn't lasted long and Dawn was thrilled. Buffy couldn't quite explain it, but having them around, particularly Tara, was a little bit like having Joyce back. She brought herself out of that line of thinking, embarrassed, and tried to think of a subject that might keep her attention for another two and a half years. "History History is kind of cool, but I've kind of already made some enemies with the professors in that department."

"Oh. Well, you can see if there's someone you don't know teaching a section next semester. Maybe they'll be replaced."

"Or I might have to blow up a giant snake on campus and have to take an incomplete again." She said cheerfully as Willow joined them, arms overflowing with textbooks.

"Ooh can't that wait Buffy? I'm really looking forward to Sociology. Everyone says Mike's the coolest."

"Who's Mike?"

"The teacher."

"He likes people to use his first name." Tara explained. Buffy tried to picture Professor Walsh responding to 'Maggie' and failed.

"Oh. Well, ix-nay on the exploding snake until spring term then. Though it would get me out dishwashing." The campus job she'd taken on wouldn't bring in any actual money, but it would pay against her interest accruing student loans. Buffy had never really thought about those loans when it had been Joyce paying the bills. She was continually amazed at her mother's fortitude now that she was dealing with all the invisible tasks Joyce had done with so little complaint.

"Buffy you really don't need to do this. I can take on more hours at the shop…" Willow offered. Buffy was having none of that. She took some of the redhead's books onto her own pile as they threatened to topple.

"Willow you're already doing witch-fu, robot tech support and carrying a crazy person's course load. Once Giles finally accepts an offer for the rainbow egg this will all be taken care of."

…

Spike glanced around as Dawn let him in.

"You ready?"

"Yes. Come on, let's start before one of them comes back in for something they forgot." She led him to the basement. Buffy had left for her campus job after bringing Dawn home from Parent-Teacher day, and Willow and Tara were taking a date night after a very busy first month of college.

"Suppose they come in once we have started?" He asked as they went down the steps.

"Then we'll just tell them I was trying to practice on my own and you stopped me. You look good, and I get off with another dumb lecture."

"Right, because they'll take my word as gospel." Spike considered for a moment and shrugged. He was always getting in trouble in any case. "Well, where's the fun if you can't get caught?"

Dawn took out her stake and held it in her best imitation of her sister's battle stance. She'd been asking Spike to train her for a while now, and he'd finally decided to after weighing the pros and cons. Halloween was a month away, and if for whatever reason he and Buffy couldn't save her from the vampires in time he didn't want her to be helpless. He was afraid that if he tried to track down the teen vamps now Dawn and Janice would end up somewhere else unknown for their fun, and trying to force her to stay in would just make her more rebellious. If he pushed, she might stop coming to him when she wanted to break the rules. Better for her to have a watchful eye when she did something stupid and adolescent than to run off and do it alone.

"Keep your limbs moving, once someone grabs hold of 'em you'll have a hard time getting them free."

Dawn made an effort to withdraw from her strikes faster, but Spike was too quick and disarmed her. The stake flew to the opposite side of them room and she backed away to retrieve it.

"Don't go for your stake if there's something nearer. Anything wood could save you if you're quick."

Taking the hint she found an old broom and used it to keep the vampire at bay while she thought of how to break it. It was going to be tricky without Slayer knees. She managed to get in a staggering blow that gave her enough time to bash it against a support beam. It cracked, but the top of the broom shaft stayed attached by a few wood fibers. Spike came at her again and she swung it at him, the broken piece of the broom coming loose and flying at a pipe. Her sparring partner flinched at the sound of metal and wood colliding.

"Watch it! Don't want to bang up those pipes… just yet…"

Dawn sighed and lowered her weapon. Now that she wasn't caught up in the moment, she realized just how many things their fighting had knocked off the shelves. "Sorry, this is getting messier than I pictured." Spike shifted into his vamp face and took a ready stance again.

"Oh it's always messy bit. You want to learn to fight tidy, you go to those dusty old Watchers."

…

Elsewhere Xander and Anya were fighting vampires of their own alongside the eager to slay Buffy-bot. It had handled their first opponent easily and they were onto their second graveyard of the night.

"I don't get why we had to come out on a patrol. Isn't the point of keeping this thing that we can take breaks now?" Anya asked.

"It's so that Buffy can take breaks. And Willow's not sure it's ready yet. We have to watch it for a week or two more before we let it go running around off-leash."

"But why us? Willow and Tara should be working tonight, not you. You're the one doing physical labor all day. They're probably having sex right now." She grumbled jealously.

The robot nodded. "They do that a lot. But Willow and the other me said it's rude to talk about sex in front of people." Anya glowered, sure Willow that had told it to say that just as a barb against her. The robot looked almost sympathetically at her. "Don't worry, I do that too."

"It's not fair that other people are having sex when we aren't." She curled herself around Xander's free arm, letting her axe dangle as she laid her head against his shoulder. "I miss you. You're at work all the time and when you come home you're so sore and tired I feel bad about asking you for sex, which is confusing."

Xander wasn't any happier about the overtime Buffy's property damage had forced him and the crew into. "We'll be caught up with the project soon, and then things'll be back to a normal level of manual labor soreness."

"It's just stupid for you to go on patrol after working so hard. You're squishy, and vulnerable, and I worry." For a thousand years she hadn't cared what happened to anyone, unless it was wishing them pain. Now that she was human it made her all too aware of how fragile they were. She'd thought her concern for Xander would fade over time, but now that they were going to be spending the rest of their mortal lives together she found herself worrying even more.

"I'll protect Xander. He's my friend, and I always protect my friends." The robot said seriously.

"That's great." Xander said humoring it. He squeezed Anya's hand. "Buffy _is_ my friend, and so we help each other out. If that means babysitting a slightly childish-minded fembot while it dusts some bloodsucking fiends, then I do it."

She sighed. Xander's loyalty to Buffy was something that had frustrated her from the beginning, but she loved him and being with him had meant accepting it. She first knew she was in love with him the night she went to help him save Buffy and Riley from the possessed fraternity house. From then on she'd done her part to help the gang for his sake, even if she didn't care about them the same way he did. Anya just wished he didn't keep taking so many risks.

"Someday you're going to get yourself hurt helping Buffy. Can't you just stay home, and fix broken things? It's a lot safer."

"Hey, I've been doing this since before I could drive. I'm careful."

"Could we at least go home tonight? The robot's doing just fine without us." Anya moved in front of Xander and gave him an irresistible pleading pout. He struggled for a second, but decided being loyal meant being loyal to his fiancée's needs as well his best friend's.

"Okay, I give. We'll cut out early. What's the worst that could happen?" He blinked. "… and I really should know better than to say that after twenty years on a Hellmouth."

"Oh don't worry. Saying that doesn't actually cause bad things to happen. It just heightens the irony of the situation after the disaster." Anya said, already tugging on his sleeve to go.

"Very comforting. You, uh, good to keep going without us B-Bot?" He asked the android.

"I'm very good. I can kill lots of things without any help. Enjoy your sex."

Anya smiled in gratitude. "Thank you. Enjoy the killing."

…

The lights were all off when the witches came home from their evening out. Willow assumed the sisters must already be asleep, with the Jeep parked in the driveway and Spike having left. Both girls were excited by the prospect of being alone in their room, but a shape moving towards them dashed their hopes. "Willow! I was about to go find you with my homing device." The robot went off course as Tara flipped on the light switch and ran into the wall.

"She's been beat up." Willow guided the machine to stand in front of her, looking over the damage.

"What happened to Anya and Xander?" asked Tara.

"Anya got worried because Xander is squishy, so they went home." The girls both breathed a sigh of relief. "I think my feet are broken."

"Looks more like a short in the navigational system." Willow guided Buffy-bot to the couch for repairs. "Honey, could you get me a flashlight? It's in the kitchen." Tara nodded and returned with the tool.

"Is it bad?"

"I don't know. Could you shine the light there?" She peered into the circuitry as Tara held the flashlight. The damage was nothing major, but the repairs would delay their plans for the night. "Thanks. I'm sorry we got… interrupted."

Tara leaned over to kiss the hacker's hair. "I can wait."

…

It was a quiet dream. The setting was a cemetery, but no one was on patrol. There was one headstone close to the edge of the forest that gripped her attention.

Buffy Anne Summers

1981-2001

Beloved Sister

Devoted Friend

She saved the world a lot.

Buffy woke and sat up immediately. _It doesn't mean anything, _she told herself over and over, _It's just a dream. _She didn't bother trying to sleep again that night.

…

Giles waited for Buffy to lead the patched up robot out of the training room. He'd been setting them against each other to give Buffy a somewhat evenly match opponent and to check the effectiveness of the repairs. Willow's handiwork seemed to be holding up fairly well, even though the Buffy-bot was still not on the combat level of the real thing. The true Slayer was thriving, and getting stronger every day. He knew he was lucky to be able to witness her growth, Buffy having already lived longer than most Slayers. But he wasn't her Watcher anymore, not really. Giles picked up the phone.

"Hello. Yes… I'd like to price a flight out of Sunnydale to London… yes, through L.A. of course." He felt a moment's hesitation as the airline employee asked what time he'd like to depart. He'd been toying with this idea for months, but he wasn't ready to let go just yet. "No, I don't want to book just yet… I was just inquiring about… yes, yes, I understand… I'll call back when I decide."

…

It was an hour after sundown when they heard the roar of the bikes. The sound of the engines was followed by wild whooping and scattered screams. The gang all made their way to the Magic Box's front window, falling back as a brick crashed through the glass.

"What's happening?" Dawn asked. Buffy looked out the window, braced for any more projectiles. The motorcycles they had heard were being driven leather clad demons. Their ears were pointed, their eyes red, their noses absent and their teeth sharp. She could see piercings and other body modifications on their laughing faces. A couple had dismounted and were smashing up the stores across the street.

"Demon biker gang."

"How many?" Xander asked, cautiously joining Buffy at the window.

"A small horde judging by the sounds of those bikes." Willow said as they heard the training room door open. Spike walked in and quickly went over to Buffy.

"It's all over town."

"What do they want?" Anya asked, worried about the store. "Standard raping and pillaging?"

Several heads turned to her, concerned about Dawn overhearing, but the teen seemed no more freaked than usual.

"Afraid so. They're raiders and pirates. They usually only attack out of the way places, burgs that won't be missed, and then move on when they've had their fill of carnage."

"But why pick Sunnydale?" Xander asked, confused. "I mean, this is the Slayer's town."

"Perhaps they're looking for a change of pace, a challenge?" Giles offered.

"Maybe…" Willow began, a thought coming to her. "Maybe it was the Buffy-bot. It got hurt last night. Whatever hurt it could have seen it was a robot and gone and told people the Slayer was a fake."

"Well, I'm not a fake." Buffy said, already picking out a sword to take with her to the fight. "This is my town." She assessed the situation. There were too many demons for her to take them on solo, but by the looks of the havoc they were creating she knew she didn't want her more vulnerable friends in harm's way. "Spike, Willow, and Tara, you get the robot and back me up. The rest of you hold down the fort and protect the shop."

Xander opened his mouth to protest and insist on coming along, but decided he could do more good guarding Dawn and Anya. That and his fiancée would be devastated if the store got looted. Willow handed him a book that Jenny had given her their junior year of high school.

"This has wards in it that non-witches can use. Giles knows a lot of them already." The ex-Watcher was already gathering components from around the shop while Anya checked the handful of minor protection charms by the door.

"We have to move now Will." Buffy urged her. The redhead nodded as Xander handed her his car keys.

"I won't be mad if it gets smashed, just try not to have it be one of you guys that smashes it, okay?"

"Okay."

They activated the Buffy-bot and made their way into the street. The demons were starting to work their chaos on the Espresso Pump. The witches threw a joint stunning spell at them and the Slayers and vampire rushed in to get in as many blows as they could before the demons recovered. Once they were down Buffy stabbed them through what she hoped was the heart and looked to see which direction the tire tracks led. Willow and Tara were heading for Xander's car, but Buffy stopped following them when she heard the sound of another bike engine pulling up beside her. Spike had commandeered one the demon's vehicles and was looking at her expectantly.

"Hop on."

The Buffy-bot moved to obey but Willow tugged on the hem of her shirt to stop her. "I think she means the other Buffy."

"But Spike looks perfect with a motorcycle! All that black leather… can't we both go?"

"I don't think you'd both fit." Tara said, wondering if the Slayer was really going to ride with him. Buffy considered and decided it couldn't do that much harm. She had ridden motorcycles to Slayings before with her pre-Sunnydale boyfriend Pike.

"You guys can follow us in the car. Let's hurry." She sat down behind the vampire and put her arms around him in a way she still remembered how to do after five years without riding. They followed the trail the bikers had left behind, hoping that the damage to the town wouldn't be too extensive before they could kick them out. Buffy's eyes stung a little from the wind as she watched for signs of the raiders.

There were more than a few things that made this very different from riding with Pike. For starters, there was the heat. If she were a normal girl, one who hadn't dated a vampire for three years in high school, Spike's room temperature body might have felt gross. _It _is _gross. He's a vampire, and vampires equal gross. Especially ones who make sex robots and ooky love shrines. Why am I even having to remind myself of this? Ugh, you know you're hard up when Spike starts to seem attractive… which he is absolutely not. With that stupid… hair._

Spike suppressed the urge to grin. It had been too long since he'd been close enough to feel her like this. The past five months had been sexually frustrating to say the least with how careful he had to be not to cross the line. But he was wearing her down. Even without the numbness she'd felt after her resurrection, he was getting to her. Spike could see the way she looked at him, and caught her getting mad at herself when they were together. Right now she was nearly crushing his ribcage in anger.

"You hanging in all right there pet? I'm not sure I can drive this without ribs."

She growled, loosening her hold. "I'm fine. Just get us there in one piece."

_Just think about the demons. Chopping, slicing, and stabbing the evil demons. Happy thoughts. Stabbing Spike, happy thought. _

Spike decelerated as they came upon a cluster of the bikers. They were tossing debris into a pile and lighting fires around the square they were occupying. The demons turned their gaze to Buffy and Spike as their leader approached the pair. They dismounted, the witches and robot exiting the car soon after. The bearded Hellion sized Buffy up, tugging on the top of his pants.

"Well well, you bringing us a bit of meat for the barbeque, vampire?"

"I'm bringing a bit of Slayer to grill you, demon."

The demon looked surprised and fiddled with his gloves, releasing a set of barbed razors.

"So the Slayer is alive and kicking? That's what I get for listening to a dumb vamp."

"Alive and kicking you out of my town." The Hellions chuckled, closing in on their five opponents.

"Hey Razor, there's more than one." One of the demons pointed out as the Buffy-bot came up to it holding an axe.

"Slayers, huh? Don't look like more than little girls to me. Let's see if you feel like little girls too. Help yourselves boys."

Spike was pounding on Razor before Buffy could get to him, enraged by the threat. The biker's razors tore into the vampire's neck, drawing blood. Buffy rushed to his aid, lunging for Razor's arm. More demons came with chains and bats to help their leader and Willow and Tara began throws flame and spark spells to draw them off. As the battle went on the witches found themselves separated from the others and having to come up with more creative ways to defend themselves. Willow had just flung a wad of goop at one's eyes when another grabbed her by the throat. He held her off the ground as Tara finished off the demon Willow had just disabled.

"Let's see you chant your spells while you choke bitch."

She tried to cast but her head was rapidly losing oxygen. Suddenly the Hellion's grip slackened and she gasped for air as she fell to the ground. An axe was lodged in his back. Willow looked around for the Buffy-bot, but saw that it was Tara who had wielded the axe to save her. Her girlfriend helped her up as she caught her breath.

"No one messes with my girl."

Tara hadn't known what she was doing until it was done, not realizing that the axe she'd picked up had been dropped by the robot. They looked around, their portion of the biker gang defeated. Their eyes found the head and torso of the Buffy-bot laying a few yards away. Its arms were smashed into a useless tangle of synthetic skin and wires, and the lower half of its body was completely severed.

"Willow, I can't get to you."

Willow knelt beside it, Tara stroking her shoulder soothingly.

"Hey, you, you hanging in there?"

Buffy snapped the last Hellion's neck as her duplicate looked around for its legs. She and Spike went over to the girls holding their wounds.

"I think I need to be fixed."

The little computer whiz's mouth hung open, unsure of how to break the news to the robot.

"I… don't think I can." She looked to Tara, who shook her head sadly in agreement. Willow looked back at the strange machine that looked so much like her friend. "I… I'm sorry."

Buffy looked around at the bodies of the android's fallen foes. "She did a good job."

The robot's hazel colored artificial eyes met hers. "Thank you."

"I'll give you a proper, disposal?" Willow didn't think the word 'funeral' was appropriate here.

"Willow. You're my best friend Willow. Will…"

It stopped moving.

"It's just a machine." Spike said wiping blood off his neck.

"I know." Willow said standing up. "But it's, it was a Buffy machine."

"And it's not fun to watch any Buffy get that… beat up." Tara added. Spike winced, knowing how true that was. If they only knew what they had avoided.

"It was a good death." Buffy said, slightly disturbed by the sight of her own body mangled but comforted by the obvious mechanical nature of its insides. _Maybe this is what that dream was about. The robot "dying"._

"Yeah," Willow said, cheering up a little.

"Besides, we've still got the real one." Tara said with a smile.

"Authentic Buffy Summers. Accept no substitutes!"

The witches bent down to gather up the busted bot. Buffy watched her friends take away the robot's remains and sighed wistfully. It was great that the Buffy-bot was the night's only casualty, but it would mean more nights of patrol to compete with her job, homework and Dawn.

"Well, so much for that plan. That's what I get for thinking my life would actually have a moment's rest in it _some _time this year. Maybe I shouldn't have even gone back to school…"

"Oh that's rot."

She raised an eyebrow at Spike's protest. "What? Mr. Anarcho-punk is suddenly advocating for higher education?"

"I think it's rot you selling yourself short. You did the college, the slaying, and the sh-" He stopped himself before saying "shagging soldier boy", knowing nothing good would come of bringing that up. "Studying all at same time before."

It was true, she had managed to muddle through freshman year despite Adam and the trouble the gang had had staying close. "Yeah, but that was when mom was alive. I have to look after Dawn now."

"In case you haven't noticed, the bit's fifteen. Same age as you when you slayed your first vampire lord. And she doesn't have to go fight baddies, just homework."

"She still needs someone to look out for her Spike. I had mom and Giles when I was in high school. I would have been totally out of control without them."

"Dawn's got your little witch squad."

That was certainly true. The girls thought the world of Dawn, and Buffy knew that they'd never let anything happen to her. But she already asked so much of them. It was her job to be the parent. "I can't make Willow and Tara do everything for me."

"So it's better for you to do everything yourself?"

…

After they parted Spike wondered if what he'd said would change anything. Dawn felt both neglected and stifled, and he didn't want his words to push Buffy more to the neglect side. Without the emotional deadness he didn't think it was likely, but there was always a chance Dawn's loneliness would still be strong enough to call Halfrek. They'd just have to be careful.

…

Author's Notes: Finally into Season Six! The chapters from now on will match up with the episodes. Spike and Buffy's relationship will progress, but not for the exact same reasons, and different moments will happen at different times than they did in show, or not at all. I'm saying this because I realize how many chapters it's going to be before anything too spicy (for them at least) happens, and for some reason I feel, guilty? I don't know. Hopefully the other stuff is fun too.

S1r3h Angel gets beaten with a seat in episode one of Angel Season Three. And next chapter Buffy will know why she saw that.

Spike is the BIG BAD I know what you mean about the comics. I like some of the stories collected in the Omnibuses, but my issues with Season Eight were what led me to write this. For one thing I miss Anya and Tara too much. I know other characters died in the series, but I guess those two were two too many. Worst of all, Season Eight Willow doesn't feel like Willow at all. She makes terrible decisions that she would know better than to make with how far her character had progressed and matured by the end of Season Seven. If she keeps going down the path I think they're setting her on, I'm probably not going to read more than the first volume of Season Nine.

As always, thank you all for reading and reviewing!

…

In Memoriam

Buffy-bot

2001-2001

She helped save the world that one time.


	5. Chapter Three: Resurrection

Author's Notes: This is a short but important chapter. More of the background of the over-arching plot is revealed, but rest assured, the plot exists to serve the characters in this story, not the other way around.

Chapter Three: Resurrection

Buffy lay her head down, trying to believe despite the previous five months of nightmares that her dream of the gravestone last night was a fluke. That was a mistake.

It began with one scene, but kept on coming with another and another. She was beneath the earth, looking at the inside of her coffin. She was watching a snake force its way out of a Willow anointed in blood. She was looking at the photos on her walls, the people in them turning into corpses. She was listening to a voice curse at Willow and Tara, broken glass spilled all over their bed. She was seeing Anya, eyes a ghostly white, slicing open her face and laughing. Buffy couldn't stay in denial about the underlying meaning of the dreams any longer.

"I get it all right? I get it!" She shouted, furious at her inability to stop the visions. "Why do you keep showing me?"

Buffy was back in her room, the shout apparently having been enough to wake her up. She pulled herself out of bed, intending to go on patrol until morning. That plan was quashed by the arrival of the other residents of the house.

"Buffy?" Willow asked groggily.

"Keep showing you what?" asked Dawn.

The Slayer gritted her teeth and took in a small breath through her nose, hoping they couldn't see the anger lingering on her face. She coached her features into a semblance of sleepy indifference.

"Oh just, a bad dream. It's nothing." The girls seemed unconvinced. "You guys go back to sleep, I'll be fine. Really."

"Whatever." Dawn shrugged as she left, not believing Buffy for a second. She suspected that this was just more of whatever had been making her sister ask odd questions and act distracted half the time for the past several months. If she didn't want to talk about it there was no forcing her.

"Okay." Willow said hesitantly. "No one was sucking out your soul in it or anything, right?"

Buffy shook her head. The horror of it was simpler than that, and it wasn't something she could share. There was no chance that she could sneak out of the house now.

"Nope. It was a dream of some guy showing me embarrassing photos of myself. Woke up mid yell, that's all."

_Right. That's _totally_ believable. _

The witches returned to their room, concern still showing but willing to honor their friend's wishes. Buffy grumbled and sat against her headboard, waiting for sunrise.

…

"It's getting worse."

Willow hadn't noticed Buffy's odd behavior as quickly as Dawn, but after moving in with the sisters she had learned she was able to overhear the general state of the Slayer's thoughts. She could only really hear them when it was quiet and they were alone, so mostly they came to her attention at night when they were all supposedly asleep. After confiding in Tara about her mental connection with Buffy they deduced that it was likely an after effect of Willow's journey into Buffy's mind. That had been the catalyst for Willow's recent telepathy, a power her friends were still uncomfortable with and so she used sparingly. Buffy had been trying to hide her distress, and so far all she and Tara could think of to do was ease her burdens as well they could by helping out with Dawn, the house, and the bills.

Tara was equally worried, but trusted that Buffy would come to them if things got too dire. She placed her head in the crook of Willow's neck and held her tightly around the waist to calm her.

"I'm sure she'll be okay."

The redhead wasn't as confident.

"I don't know. She's so proud. It's been going on for months and she hasn't brought it up to anyone."

"We just have to keep being there for her. There's nothing else we can do."

_That isn't strictly true…_The younger witch knew that if she tried she could find a magic solution to the problem. Some kind of anti-worry potion or calming spell. Going completely inside Buffy's mind again would be overkill, and that might have been what caused the mess in the first place. If this got worse Buffy could go all catatonic when she was most needed. She'd have to research mind magic. Somewhere there was an answer. That was Willow's job after all, to research things and then fix them.

…

Willow found something promising the next afternoon. Buffy and Tara were both in classes while she worked her shift at the Magic Box, giving her one of the few opportunities she had to research without them looking over her shoulder. There was a particular herb that sounded like it could be of use.

Lethe's Bramble

Used for augmenting spells of forgetting and mind control.

She took about a pound from the store's stock and went to the counter to ring it up. Giles was talked animatedly over the phone with someone.

"Excellent. As soon as your deposit is finalized we'll put in the post. Thank you once again for your patronage. You won't be disappointed." He put down the phone and turned to look around for Anya, who was coming towards him with a brown package. "Anya, would you go get…"

"Already did when you started talking to him." She said placing the box on the counter in front of him. "I've had it packed for months. We could have shipped it out here long ago if you hadn't been dragging your feet."

Giles bristled at the criticism. "Well I had to have my contacts inspect him first." He defended himself. "He has no interest in demonology or wizardry, and no history of criminal activity or mental illness. I couldn't sell the Phantasmagoriova to just anyone."

A smile broke out on the young witch's face. "You finally found a buyer? That's great! Buffy will flip when she hears this."

Giles cleared his throat nervously. "Well, this is an international transaction. It won't go through for a few more days. I'd rather wait until we have the money in the store's account." Anya was already filling out the shipping form. Willow nodded. Good news might help the Slayer's mood somewhat. She could only hope.

…

Buffy did her best to drag out patrol that night. She slowly went through each dark alley and graveyard, and even made a few trips past the town's various caves. It was frustratingly quiet, but she preferred horrors she could fight to ones that invaded her mind. _I can't keep doing this forever though. Someone will notice I'm not sleeping and make me fess up. _

Someone it seemed, was coming home to his crypt with a bag of groceries. She nearly groaned at the sight of Spike, but kept on walking as if she didn't see him.

"Slayer." He greeted her. "You back again?"

"Again?" Had he seen come through on her earlier pass? _Great, now I can't come by here more than once a night._

"I saw you on my way out for the evening. Had to restock my larder; the all night butcher was closed last night after the looting." The vampire raised his jugs of pig's blood to demonstrate.

"I'm just being thorough. Can't be too careful, you know."

Spike looked quizzically around the quiet cemetery. "Right. All kinds of hell breaking loose tonight." His face softened into what was a fair approximation of empathy for an undead fiend. "I thought you were worried about not having any time to yourself? Why are you pushing yourself like this?"

Buffy shook her head and walked past him towards the exit to the graveyard.

"It's my job."

Spike's eyes followed the Slayer as she left. _What's going on with her now? _

…

The sun could just be seen peeking through the trees as Buffy returned to her room. She stepped inside and stopped short when she saw the floorboards ripple like water. There was something moving through them, a bump. She gripped her axe tightly and followed its movements until it came to a stop in front of her bed. It emerged as if from a geyser, a white spectre with sunken eyes and gnarled hands. It floated towards her, radiating bloodlust.

"Why do you keep resisting? You know you don't belong here." The phantom taunted her. She swung her weapon but it moved mist-like to the side. Before Buffy could make another strike it took hold of her neck and tried to throttle her. "I'll take you out this world and take my own place in it."

"Buffy!" Willow was calling to her from the doorway with Tara and Dawn behind her. Buffy fought against the spectre's hold and barely choked out her response.

"Get Dawn… away from here!" Tara immediately obeyed and Willow chanted a stunning spell at Buffy's attacker. Its grip was loosened enough that the Slayer could break free. She swiped at it again and again, chopping it into as many pieces as she could. It began to fade into fog, and a wisp of it caught in her throat as the girls watched it disappear.

"Are you hurt?" Willow asked reaching for her. Buffy felt a sudden wave of revulsion course through her. Without meaning to she stepped away, confused by her reaction to her friend's concern. Tara and Dawn peered in and she could feel a weaker echo of the disgust she felt for Willow for Tara.

"I'm fine. It barely touched me." She said, not able to coach her voice into anything near reassuring.

"What was that thing?" Her sister asked, pulling away from Tara's protective arm.

"Some kind of demon. We can I.D. it tomorrow." Buffy looked at the sunlight making its way across the floor. "Or later today, since it's already tomorrow. Yesterday's tomorrow."

No one in the house felt like going back to bed.

…

The Scoobies all agreed to research the demon, but after a couple of hours Buffy couldn't stand the new feelings she was having since her early morning slaying. It would probably end up being explained as a side effect of inhaling demon essence and need some kind magic detox. But whatever was causing it, the revulsion and sense of betrayal only stirred in her for Xander, Anya, Tara, and Willow. Especially Willow. Giles and Dawn didn't make her feel any different than normal, and she didn't know what to make of that. She excused herself for some fresh air while the rest of the gang continued to pore over Giles' tomes.

Spike saw her emerge from the back door of the Magic Box looking much as she had before; shaken and withdrawn. He had to find out what was wrong, because nothing he could think of that had happened in the past five months should be upsetting her this much. She was far too tough for it to be anything as mundane as school or finances.

Buffy looked at Spike stomping out a cigarette and was mildly surprised that he brought up no feelings of disgust or betrayal. Out of everyone she hung around with, logically he should be the worst. Maybe there was nothing logical to this. She was surprised again when she realized how bright it was here outside. Was she going crazy?

"Buffy." He greeted her.

"Spike, it's daylight and you're…"

"Not on fire?" He smiled inside, remembering this conversation. It had been so awful, but he had saved her this time. Whatever she was going through couldn't be as bad as that. "The sun's low enough. It's shady enough here. I was gonna go inside, but overheard you all having another one of your book club meetings. Didn't want to crash that madcap affair."

"I wanted some time alone." _That isn't completely true_, she thought. Company that didn't make her feel sick to her stomach would be just fine. Right now Spike fit that category.

He decided to skip the effort to leave this time, as he already knew the sun was trapping him. "Buff? Slayer? Are you okay?"

"I'm here. I'm good." _Even if I'm not supposed to be here. _

_Time to play your poker hand m'boy. _"Buffy, if you're in pain… or if you need anything, or if I can do anything for you…"

"You can't."

He took a seat beside her, patiently waiting to see if she'd open up. A quiet moment passed between them as Buffy toyed with the idea of telling him what she'd experienced. She knew she should be telling her friends, and at least Giles if she couldn't handle her new disgust for the others. But if she told Giles his sense of duty would make him prod her into finding out more about the bizarre dreams. Spike wasn't a father figure, so even if he did try to push, which was unlikely, she could easily ignore him. The vampire seemed willing to listen, and he wasn't going anywhere.

"I've been having these dreams. But they're not dreams, they're more like visions. Visions of the world as it really is. Or, the way it was originally."

Spike knew if he had a beating heart it would be fast enough for Buffy to hear. _How could she possibly know? Some Slayer power? No, that can't be it, can it?_

"So this isn't the real world?" He asked, hoping she would see only his confusion and ignore any panic. She shook her head, carefully choosing her words.

"It is real, now anyways. But it's not supposed to be this way. It's like someone's changed history, like that glamour Jonathan cast to be a hero, only more so."

"You going to get your Slayettes to work on fixing it then?" Spike knew that such an effort would most likely be futile. Only Anya could break her spell, and she was human. Of course, those damn Scoobies did always seem to find a way to do the impossible. If they wanted to put the world back, he wouldn't be able to dissuade them. It would take more active sabotage. "What's so different about it anyway?

Buffy smiled sadly, looking into the patch of sunlight expanding across the sidewalk as the day marched toward its zenith. She knew that putting the world back might be the right thing to do, but after what she'd been shown she couldn't bring herself to do it. If there was some spell to be broken or demon to be killed, the world was better off with it left undone. She had seen her friends struggling to do her job and coming up short, and the people of Sunnydale falling to threats she wasn't there to stop. Dawn had been left alone and had to be sheltered by Willow and Tara, battling their own grief. Angel had traveled the world for three months trying to heal, leaving Fred to fall further into her own tortured mind back in his hotel. That was the common thread of every scene she had been shown: no one was happy. She turned her eyes to her captive audience, the undead man waiting attentively.

"In that world, I had to die to save Dawn. The gang tried to keep up the slaying on their own, but it wasn't enough. My family, my friends, even strangers were suffering without me there. It can't be put back that way." Buffy watched Spike's eyes, wondering if she could say the rest of what she was feeling. She at least knew she wasn't ready to admit to the disgust that she felt for four of her friends. "It would be wrong to put them through that much pain. They can never know."

If it had been perhaps anyone but Spike, they would have asked "Aren't you happy not to be dead?" If it had been someone perceptive enough to see that she wasn't, they may have mistaken her sadness for the suicidal desire of the depressed. Only two people in the world could really understand why Buffy had regrets; one a girl serving a prison term in L.A., the other the vampire who had danced so intimately with two of his mortal enemies before delivering them to their final release. A Slayer always longed for a good death, a proper death in service to their duty. Even Faith and Spike wouldn't be able to see the deepest reason Buffy was in pain, as it was something not of the Slayer but of Buffy Summers herself. Knowing the truth about what was supposed to have happened the night of the battle with Glory gave her an overwhelming sense of failure. She had failed when she was needed most. She had failed to give the gift of her death to save her flesh and blood.

Spike thought of what to say, but he couldn't find proper words of his own. He instead chose words that this version of Buffy had never spoken, and so could never be repeated back to her by her sister.

"The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it."

Buffy just looked at him for a long minute, then stood and made her way back to the door. There was no way that Spike of all people could understand her that well. And if he did, it wasn't something she could bring herself to accept.

…

"Stupid, stupid, idiot."

Spike picked up a bottle of whiskey, pacing over the various items he'd thrown around his crypt in his frustration. _Using magic, what did you think was going to happen? _He told himself as he opened the top and took a long drink. _It's magic. There's always a price. And it was from a bloody vengeance demon. Did you really think it would make her happy? _

He shook his head after a few more swallows. "'snot my fault. I didn't know she was a demon. Didn't know what would happen. It's the Slayer. She's just addicted to misery. Can't be happy coming back from the dead, can't be happy never having been dead."

_You know it's not that simple. She's seen every horrible thing that happened while she was gone and knows that it was real. She's bound to be shaken up._

At least Buffy wasn't _as _miserable as she had been when she was ripped out of heaven. Still, he didn't want her to be in any kind of pain. Spike cursed his own weakness. This was pitiful. After all that Buffy had put him through before rejecting him, and five months with no real relationship between them in this timeline, he still gave a damn about her fragile mortal feelings. What kind of a pathetic vampire wanted to make a human feel better?

"I could sing to her again," he chuckled sarcastically. "Life's not a song, life isn't bliss. Life is just this…"

That had been what pushed her over the edge the last time, hadn't it? It would be so easy to take advantage of her sadness, so simple to draw her back into the darkness with him. When their bodies were joined he could feel her let go, just give in to all the wicked impulses and desires she tried so hard to fight. That was something he could give her to make her happy. The only problem was that would leave them right where they'd been before: Buffy fucking his brains out to feel alive and then hating herself afterwards. He had been willing to settle for that, but she hadn't.

He knew why she hated herself for it. After all, he was a bloodsucking creature of the night who enjoyed lying, cheating, stealing, and murdering. That wasn't about to change. But there was more to him than that, wasn't there? Buffy appreciated his sexy demon killer aspect, but she never seemed to notice his romantic side. That was nothing to sneeze at. Hadn't the most legendary thing about him after killing Slayers always been his devotion to Drusilla? He'd been so loyal to her that he didn't even realize he was in love with another woman until Dru left. How many men, dead or alive, had hearts strong enough to love unconditionally for one hundred and twenty years?

That was the crux of it. Buffy was the only one that he could burn for more than his sire. He had already tried to kill Drusilla for her, fought a god, and reordered time itself. He wasn't going let this go without a fight. If Buffy came to his bed again, Spike was going to make sure she didn't regret it.

…

Skip, servant of the Powers That Be, kneeled before his formless superiors. His task had been completed with only one complication, and the Slayer had seen to disposing of that. "The breach between alternate worlds has been sealed. She killed the thaumogenesis demon that broke through. Nothing else remains."

"The Slayer's memories of seeing the other world remain." One of the Powers said. "Her spirit has been shaken."

"Will she be strong enough to face It when It rises next year, we wonder?" another asked. "Even our other champion faltered when faced with the First."

"And she has abandoned her duty once before, after she slew the champion."

"She did return." Skip offered. "When the world is truly in need she always steps up. And she is stronger now."

"The Slayer nearly lost herself when the Key was taken from her. It took the witch to bring her back."

"Another danger, the witch is growing in power without stop. She knows something is wrong. It could be problematic if the Slayer tells her what she did in the other world. She could realize how strong she truly is and interfere with the natural order again."

The gray fleshed guardian knew it was true, but from what he had seen while watching Buffy he was confident that she would keep her revelations a secret from Willow.

"I doubt she'll tell her. She certainly won't tell the former vengeance demon."

"At least Anyanka remains unaware she was used by the force behind this. D'Hoffryn would not be pleased to find that one of his minions was manipulated by someone other than him."

"I will keep a close eye on her."

"Do so. This change in events could lead to opportunities we did not possess before."

He bowed his head and returned to his scrying post. The wish had not been anticipated by the Powers, but it wouldn't be the first time a man's love had changed history for the better without them expecting it. At least, it wouldn't be if the woman Doyle had given his visions to passed the tests they were preparing for her. Skip believed in both women they were betting on, but time still had to pass before he would know if their hopes bore fruit. In Los Angeles Cordelia was having another migraine. It wouldn't be long now.

…

Author's (other) Notes: I was debating whether to put in the Skip scene or not, but I ultimately decided to leave it in; I wanted it to be clear that although the Powers That Be are aware of the shenanigans that have been played with the timeline, they weren't the cause. Even Spike doesn't know what's really going on. Buffy isn't going to mope about this forever. Knowing what she knows it just going to make her life a bit more complicated.

guest with kind words about smut: Thanks. My other concern about the sex is if I as a lesbian am capable of writing a heterosexual love scene that isn't ridiculous. I've read lesbian sex scenes written by men (in other fandoms) and thought "seriously"?

After I finish "Babbling and Stuttering" I'm going to work solely on this story for at least three chapters before I start any other projects. I'm really eager to get to the singing and dancing.


	6. Chapter Four: Drenched

Author's Notes: Okay, so I admit I only just finished Angel Seasons Four and Five last week so I didn't know the whole story behind Skip's allegiances. Lucky for me, the scene still works if you assume he's going along with Jasmine's plans for Cordy behind the Powers' backs. The rest of Angel won't be relevant until I get my chapters past Buffy Season Seven, but I actually have a better idea of what will be happening for Spike in the third "act" of this story now, and I kinda like it. Also, Winifred Burkle wins the award for most horrible character death in the Buffyverse. :(

I know I said it in the reviews, but I feel it should be said again: It was judgmental and bitchy for me to say what I did about smut. Anyone, male, female or other of any sexuality can write well or write horribly. Since I try to write from experience I was a bit worried about writing something I don't know. End apology.

Chapter Four: Drenched

Buffy was trying and failing to lose herself in research after her brief respite with Spike. So far they had determined by the way the demon she'd faced earlier moved that it was some kind of transdimensional being that had taken a solid form to fight Buffy. Mug shots were hard to find of those varieties, so the hunt continued. She'd considered getting up from the table and standing beside Giles to distance herself from Xander and the witches, but decided against it. Whatever she was feeling wasn't their fault, and acting weird would only make them worry more. Eventually Xander leaned over, looking intently at the page he'd stopped on.

"You said it looked like the librarian from _Ghostbusters_, right?" He pushed the open book to the center of the table. "Was it something like this?"

Buffy looked at the illustration. The picture was titled "grief demon". It was a detailed sketch and certainly wraithlike. She recognized it, but not from the morning's slaying. It was the figure she had seen terrorizing her friends in the Magic Box during one of her visions last spring. She felt a surge of pride in her little sister. Dawn had led them all in casting out the grief demon when no one else could even stand. Willow frowned at the picture and shook her head.

"It was less rotty flesh and more just gaunt and pale."

"And it had clothes on." Buffy added, noting the grief demon's naked zombie-like appearance. "Ghost clothes, like old sheets blowing in the wind."

"Only like a murderous granny ghost and not a cute costume shop sheet ghost." Willow clarified, glancing down at herself for a moment. Xander sighed and pulled the book back. The gang exchanged occasional bits of half-hearted chatter as they flipped through the pages for answers yet again. The next one to find a lead was Willow.

"I think this could be it, a thaumogenesis demon. Everything about the way it moved, and the turning into mist, it all fits. And one of the pictures looks just like it." Tara looked over the redhead's shoulder at the illustrations. There were several known shapes, one being a swarm of translucent arthropods, and another being the spectral woman they had seen in Buffy's room.

"It says thaumogenesis demons are created when a powerful spell is cast." Tara felt her heart begin to race as she spoke the words. The demon had shown up in their house. That meant the most likely suspects were her… and Willow. She didn't want to believe it. Her love hadn't been doing anything too over the top, had she? There was only so much benefit of the doubt Tara could give her before the trust broke. _Please don't let it be her. _

Giles came over to the table to check the book. "Yes, and it takes a caster of considerable ability or a very dangerous ritual to generate enough raw power to create such a being. Anything involving dimensional shifts or blood sacrifice is likely to bring it about as well."

Buffy furrowed her brow, remembering one of her visions. Willow had been marked with blood on her face when the snake emerged from her. That image pretty much screamed "spell", and the little witch had more than just considerable ability. As far as Buffy knew Willow hadn't been doing any serpent-summoning blood magic. _In this reality… _

"So why did it attack Buffy?" Xander asked.

"Well, it says the demon is just temporary unless it…" Willow paused for a moment, turning her eyes from the book to the Slayer. "… kills the subject of the original spell."

Giles took on a protective glare. "Then someone made Buffy the target of their casting." Thoughts of a returned Ethan Rayne quickly popped into his head.

"Well that could be anyone. Plenty of people hate the Slayer." Anya said matter-of-factly.

Willow's innards squirmed. The most logical conclusion she could come up with was that it was her own doing. Buffy's mental disturbances had coincided with Willow's entry into her mind. She had known going in that it would be intense and have unpredictable consequences. "We could put up a ward; a kind of early magic detection system so we'll know if anyone puts more spells on you." She offered hurriedly to her friend.

A jolt of electricity seemed to pass through the Slayer at the witch's suggestion. It was all she could do not to jump out of her chair and drop into a fighting stance. "No." Everyone looked at her in varying degrees of concern and confusion. "That's not necessary. I think the spell was just giving me bad dreams. No big. Besides, I killed the demon, so we should be safe now."

"Unless whoever cast the first spell on you tries to attack you again." Said Giles in a stern tone.

_If it was who I think it was, they didn't attack me to begin with. _She thought. "We should wait and see if something else happens, then we can worry about using our own magic. For now I think we can chill. A few nightmares and a creepy ghost lady barely even register on the threat scale." In her mind she begged for them not to insist on further action. The thought of Willow doing magic on her made skin twitch and her flesh want to crawl off her bones. The gang agreed to let it drop, though Buffy could tell they didn't truly want to.

…

Patrol was easier to lose herself in than research mode, at least when she was actively ass-kicking. The long stretches of walking between bouts let her brain race, filling it with unwanted answers to the questions today had raised. The disgust, the demon, and the visions: they were all tied into her death. A death that had broken her friends' hearts. One of her friends was strong enough to actually do something about it. Buffy had a gnawing feeling in her gut that in the other world, she really had seen the inside of her own coffin. Because Willow had resurrected her. She had brought her back to life with blood magic and not even dug her up first.

This revulsion was certainly centered on the young Wiccan. Xander, Anya and Tara could have all been easily brought along for the ride. But why was she really upset with them? It couldn't just be disappointment in them resorting to the dark arts; they'd all slipped up and done that before. The coffin detail could have just been a fluke, and should have led to anger and hurt, not this deep sense of betrayal.

She heard Spike's voice, calling to her from a nearly a year back. "Every Slayer has a death wish." Much as it disturbed her, those words had rung true. Death would be an end to this unasked for duty to the world, a final answer to the nagging question, "What's it going to be that finally does me in?" Spike had also been the one to point out that she had her anchors to this world, her loved ones. But now they were slipping away from her, piece by piece as she hid her heart from them. The vampire had warned her that that was the moment she would fall. Anya was right about the Slayer having enemies. A second's weakness could take her away from her family again. She had to stay connected to the world, no matter how revolted her friends made her feel right now. She could push past the disgust if she tried hard enough. It would just be so much easier if there was someone she could tell all this to.

…

For once it wasn't a dream that woke the Slayer from her slumber. This night her sleep had been blessedly free of visions or regular nightmares. Her supernatural hearing had detected a dripping sound from somewhere in the house, and she almost smiled at the mundanity of it. Buffy nearly bumped into Dawn as she went down the stairs.

"Hey."

"Hey. Why aren't you in bed?" The sun was up, but it was still a couple of hours before either of them had to leave.

Dawn shuffled her feet nervously. "Couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about that thaumo demon. It gives me the willies when things break in here."

She stilled her fidgeting when Buffy put her hand on her shoulder. "Anything that breaks in here has to go through me. You just stay careful and you'll be fine."

Dawn smiled, biting back what she wanted to say. _It's not me I'm worried about. _"What about you? Bad dreams again?"

"Nope. Just heard something dripping." The teen had a sudden flashback to her sparring match with Spike. _Oh crap. I didn't hit the pipe that hard, did I? _

"Oh. Should we call a plumber?"

"Nah. It's probably just a small leak. Nothing I can't handle."

Buffy followed the sounds of the water into the basement while Dawn went to fetch the phone and the yellow pages. "Where are you Mr. Drippy?" Her sister offered to call a plumber again as she confronted the offending pipe. She declined and gave it firm twist with her wrench.

"There, all better." She felt a sense of pride at her own handiness for the few seconds of peace before the deluge. Every pipe in the room seemed to break at once, gushing freezing cold water in huge torrents as Dawn screamed and scrambled back up the stairs. Buffy just stood there letting the cold fluid wash over her. Her own internal pressure should be so lucky to burst free of its confinement. When she came up to the kitchen she felt oddly clean.

…

Later that morning Xander's associate Tito declared that what was needed was a full copper re-pipe. Dawn hoped that meant the disaster hadn't been her fault. She looked over the invoice the plumber had left with Willow.

"That's a weird phone number." She said before noticing the dollar sign. "Oh wait, is that the bill?" She glanced at Buffy, anticipating a meltdown. The Slayer took the bill from Willow's hands and winced at the price, but kept her cool.

"Hey, Tito cut you a good deal down there." Xander said defensively. "Those are his bargain prices, and I did a little haggling for you."

"Thank you. I'm just not sure how we're going to pay for it." She thought about the small portfolio Anya had set up for them, but she had been planning on saving that for Dawn's college fund. "I could use that money I gave Anya if it comes to that. I mean, we can't just have a lake in the basement."

Willow had to use all her willpower not to blurt out the news of the recent sale of the dream egg. "Oh I'm sure it won't come to that. No need to be in a big hurry hurry."

…

That afternoon Buffy vented to Giles about their new financial woe, but the Watcher still was keeping silent about the sale despite Willow's subtle prodding. After they finished training for the evening Buffy stayed to unload her frustrations on the punching bag. With Willow in the room her agitation seemed to constantly refill itself. The witch was still feeling guilty about her own possible responsibility for the nightmares and demon, and couldn't bring herself to go until she'd made up for it some way. The Slayer did her best to quash the nasty emotions her best friend was still giving her as she rained blows on the bag. It became harder when Willow started talking again.

"I know you said you didn't want us to put up a ward, but I still think we should watch out in case this happens again."

The rhythm of her punches echoed as she answered with a tight voice.

"I don't need a magic alarm. Besides, wouldn't you and Tara always have to worry about setting it off?"

Willow was fairly certain she could work her way around that, but it would be a bit of hassle. "Well, it doesn't need to be a ward. What about that spell that let you see the shape of magic around you? The one you used when we thought Glory was attacking Joyce?"

Buffy's throat choked a little. Last time that spell had revealed Dawn's nature. She already knew that this world was off; she didn't need to see the truth in any greater detail.

"I told you, we don't need to be all up in arms over this. It was some silly nightmares and a spook."

The redhead sighed. "Buffy, you were having them for five straight months. I know I didn't say anything, but I knew. You can tell me these things, you know."

"Willow, it was just dreams. I've been having bad dreams on a regular schedule since I was fifteen. I can deal with them."

Green eyes softened with compassion. "But that's the point of having friends. You don't have to deal with all this stuff on your own. I… we just want to help."

The blonde gripped the punching bag as it swung back towards her. Her disgust was slowly simmering into anger. _Everyone wants to help ease my burdens. Even my dying. _

"I don't need you to fix everything for me. I may not have an easy life, but it's my life. Mine."

She left the training room, leaving Willow to puzzle out just what she had done wrong.

…

Buffy wasn't sure if her desire to get far away from Willow was more out of anger or guilt, but she found herself standing on the porch gazing blankly into the night. She'd only done a perfunctory patrol, and its highlight had been a sharp toothed bruiser of a demon trying to leave town with some human body parts it had bought from an underworld dealer. There had been a strange sense of closure to beating it down, and the fight had actually let off more steam for her than any battle she'd had in some time. A half smoked cigarette fell at her feet. A small grin curled her lips as she stomped out the embers with her boot.

"Hello Spike."

"Buff." The vampire said with a nod. "Saw the corpse of a M'Fashnik demon earlier. Your handiwork, I presume?"

"That'd be me. The Slayer. That's what I do. Slay things." She shifted her feet a little, self-conscious of her redundant babbling.

"So what's got you up if you're all slayed out for the night?" Spike asked, not paying her awkwardness any mind. "State of the world?" It was a vague question, but one that she followed.

"I guess. I've figured out more things… about what happened in the other world. Everyone can tell I'm bothered, but… I can't bring myself to talk with them about it."

He stepped closer. "Because they wouldn't understand?"

She thought about it for minute. How could she make them understand when didn't understand herself?

"I don't even know if I do. But it's not just that. When I'm around them, Willow, Xander, Anya and Tara… I just get this feeling like I want to vomit and slap them for betraying me." She moved her hand around tensely before making it into a fist. "They see me being all uncomfortable and try to be nice and helpful…"

"And it makes things worse." Spike came up the steps and stood beside her, hands in his pockets. "You want me to take them out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I could probably thin the herd a little." Buffy couldn't help chuckling as she looked at him and shook her head. "Knew I could get a grin."

She sighed and sat down. Spike followed her and they were side by side as they had been the day before. This was becoming oddly comfortable. "It's not their fault. They all just want to help… even when I wish they wouldn't."

"Not sure I followed you around that bend, luv."

Buffy was quiet for a minute. She really didn't have anyone else she could admit this to. "Some of the things I saw, about the world where I was dead… they kind of indicated that I didn't stay dead."

Spike put on his best surprised face. He had a sinking feeling this was coming when he heard her specify the four Scoobies who had done the resurrection ritual as the ones bothering her. "You came back?"

The sickness in her stomach welled up again. "Willow brought me back. It was some really powerful ritual with, blood and a snake. I think the others must have helped her." Part of her wanted to turn her eyes from his, but another part couldn't look away. "Everyone cares, everyone cares so much. They didn't want to let me go."

"But you wanted to." Spike's words were a statement, not a question.

"Yeah." She admitted sadly. "I've been thinking about what you said, about Slayers and death wishes." His face became almost apologetic, but he didn't interrupt. "I don't want to die… I mean, I don't go around looking to get killed. But I think when I died fighting Glory, I was okay with it. I was done. Being brought back, it felt like I was being betrayed. Is that completely insane of me, or is it just a Slayer thing?"

Spike shrugged. "Maybe a bit of it is a Slayer thing, but that's not all it is. They decided what was best for you without asking. You've a right to be pissed off at that."

"The thing is, I don't think they were wrong. Me being back, it keeps the world safer, and them happy. That's a good thing, I know that. But I'm still pissed off." She threw her head back and let out a heavier sigh. "Because I'm just that selfish. I can't even be grateful for being brought back to life."

Spike scoffed in disbelief. "A woman who's died to save the world, twice apparently, calling herself selfish. Maybe you are insane." Buffy found herself smiling again. "I know selfish, and it's not you. Nothing selfish about wanting to control your own life, or death."

Looking into his clear blue eyes she felt a sudden urge to take his hand. She suppressed the unwanted impulse and simply asked him, "Why are you always around when I'm miserable?"

"Cause that's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not one for crowds myself these days."

"I wish I was." Before Buffy could stop herself she continued, "And I'm not alone if you're here, am I?"

He smiled back at her softly. "That's works out nicely for both of us then."

They sat together for a long time, strangely peaceful. When Spike finally left Buffy heard Riley's voice from her dream. "Someone who you can tell anything to, no matter how dark it is." That was something she needed, a confidant. Until she could face her friends again, Spike was the only one she could turn to.

…

"Giles, this is… wow. He really paid that much?" The check in her hands was more than she'd been hoping for. The ex-Watcher smiled at his student's relief. It was rare to see joy from her these days.

"The buyer was a wealthy Turkish man. I believe he means to give it as wedding gift to his bride."

"Isn't he worried her perfect day will make the rest of the marriage a big let down?" Buffy asked with a smirk. "Doesn't seem like great planning to me."

"Well, I made it very clear there are no refunds. That's the newlyweds' problem now."

She hugged Giles tightly. "Thank you. This is going to make things so much easier."

"Yes, well, this hardly needs to be said, but don't spend it all in one place."

Buffy laughed. "I won't. First thing I need to take care of is Tito the plumber. I think I saw a catfish in the basement this morning."

Giles went back behind the counter to organize some files as Buffy left for the training room. Anya came up to him holding a bank statement.

"Hey! That check… it was for more than the customer paid. What did you do?"

"Just put some of my own money in along with it." _The cost of the copper re-pipe. _

"But…" He fixed his business partner with a firm gaze.

"You're not to say a word."

…

Author's (Other) Notes: I'm going to skip making a chapter that matches with "Life Serial", so the next one will match up with "All the Way". The events of "Life Serial" would obviously have gone down differently, but not enough would happen in terms of relationship development or plot progression to justify a whole chapter. I'll sum it up at the start of the next chapter, which should be longer than the last two have been. 50 followers! I'll do my best to entertain and be worthy of your time.


	7. Chapter Five: Half Way

Author's Notes: This chapter is closer to canon than usual, but it has some scenes I've been dying to write. The ripples will spread farther eventually, make no mistake.

Chapter Five: Half Way

October marched on, and somehow Buffy managed to feel more at ease around her friends. At least a tiny, teeny, almost manageable amount. It wasn't easy. Part of her still wished she could be at rest and smoldered with rage at the betrayal she couldn't forget. At the very least the visions had stopped since the thaumogenesis demon was killed. Strange Hellmouth things kept right on coming, so she had plenty on her plate even with no more need to wash dishes. There had been a stretch of three days where everything was so stressful and weird that she ended up binge drinking with Spike and unsuccessfully hitting up a demon bar for answers. They never did find out who owned that black van that had shown up there and at Dawn's school. Time skips, time loops, dissolving demons; whoever was behind this mischief had a seriously deranged mind. Beyond the time theme the attacks didn't even seem to have a coherent pattern, like whoever was planning them was just throwing everything to the wall to see what stuck. In the end she decided to mentally file it under "things to deal with if they come up again and ignore now for sanity's sake."

Working the store Halloween night was like a brutal session of immersion therapy for her issues with the Scoobies. Everywhere Buffy turned she had to be in close contact with one of her four resurrectors. She was almost relieved when she started to be more annoyed with Anya's bossiness than disgusted by her part in the spell. Maybe all she needed was some more time and the rest of her pain would fade. In her mind she knew that they had only done what they had out of love, and she couldn't stay mad at them for that. Willow was still a challenge. Since she'd had her revelation she had started to notice just how much Willow relied on magic, whether the girl was patrolling or doing simple things like getting ready for school in the morning. Watching her best friend fall so deep into witchcraft made Buffy feel guilty. She'd been the one who pushed the redhead to be her big gun, even after seeing how far Willow was willing to dive into the darkness to get things done. Some friend she was. _Don't go all dark and paybacky, unless it's for Dawn. Then knock yourself out._

Buffy was so in her own head as she went through the basement she bumped into Spike and nearly spilled her box of returned merchandise. She winced in her head at the failure of her Slayer instincts to warn of her of his presence. Why was it that when she got to know a vampire personally they became _better_ at sneaking up on her?_ He really needs a bell around his neck. On one of those leather collars. Ugh, again with the collar. Well, Spike is more of a dog's name anyway. _He was watching her fluster in amusement. _Oh god just shut up brain._

"What are you doing lurking down here?"

"Runnin' low on Berber weed. I stir it in with the blood, makes it all hot and spicy. Not as good as otter's blood mind you, but decent." The Slayer set down her down her box, shuddering at the over-sharing. "What? Blood is what I do." She shook her head. _At least it's otters and not people. _Spike knew he was pushing it a little, but if they had any chance of making things work he couldn't hide the basic truths of what he was. "And what brings you down here? I thought the Watcher just had the witches toiling under him."

"One time holiday deal. We're all pitching in." She looked around at the bizarre range of jars and boxes, remembering the task that had brought her down here. "Where's the mandrake root?" As sexy as Buffy was when she was a deadly force of nature, Spike was just as charmed by the helpless pout that accompanied the request. He went to the shelves and pulled down the jar.

"Here. There are three to a jar." He handed it to her. "Tend to go a bit wonky if you cram 'em too close." She looked at the gnarled roots, trying not to let her gaze linger on the vampire too long.

"Thanks."

Spike wanted badly to tease her like he had the first time around, but tonight was too important. Dawn could end up a snack if they messed it up. It would be a shame to miss the look on Buffy's face when he asked her about the 'rough and tumble' though. November was just around the corner. With luck and careful flirting he wouldn't have to wait much longer.

"Fancy going on patrol tonight?"

Her first impulse was to emphatically agree and head out with him right then to escape holiday retail purgatory. But the responsible adult side of her nagged in a voice that was part Joyce and part Giles that she had obligations here.

"Oh, I should stay. Maybe tomorrow." She made for the stairs, eager to distance herself from the temptation of skipping out on work. Spike just shrugged.

"Well, I'll be in front of my telly if you change your mind. _The Great Pumpkin _is on in 20." He turned and left for the tunnels. She exhaled, having gotten more worked up than she realized being close to the blonde vamp.

"So much easier to deal with when we wanted to kill each other." She said to no one.

…

After the mad rush died down and the store closed for the evening the gang sat back to relax. Anya had to remind them about the post-holiday clearance coming up the next day, which reminded Giles about cleaning, which reminded the rest of them to groan. Willow suggested a self-cleaning incantation and Buffy had to agree with Giles that it was a bad idea. Tara seemed about to criticize her girlfriend but made a nervous joke instead. The Slayer been busy with her own stuff, but recently she couldn't help but notice something was off between the normally lovey-dovey pair. Not all the time, but talk of magick, normally the thing that they shared most closely, seemed to make the older witch uncomfortable. Buffy couldn't blame her. She wasn't feeling very pro-dark arts herself these days.

Dawn and Anya twisted their upper bodies back and forth in an odd dance behind the counter, money stuffed in the ex-demon's hands.

"You do this every night?" The teenager asked.

"Every time I close out the cash register." Anya said exuberantly. "The dance of capitalist superiority."

Xander watched them in his pirate costume, sitting closer than Buffy had let him in some weeks. His eyes were full of affection, and though his friend couldn't see it, fear. "I'm gonna marry that girl."

Buffy smiled, her heart warming. New, ooky feelings for Xander and Anya aside, they were still the light at the end of her tunnel. Believing in their love had been one of the few things that got her through Riley's departure.

"Anxious to get to the wedding?" She saw his face turn pale. "Or just anxious?"

"Both." He said with a gulp. Since the announcement his fiancée had been aflutter with endless lists and plans for the ceremony and their future. There had been nights where he couldn't sleep worrying about hypothetical houses, cars, children, and puppies. He had managed to convince her that a spring wedding was the way to go after using financial logic. Without more money saved up they'd be leaning heavily on Xander's family to pay for the wedding, and he wanted to leave them out of the preparations until the last possible minute. Her own guest list gave him a hefty dose of heebies and jeebies, but demons were still preferable to the majority of the Harris clan.

…

With Dawn going to stay at Janice's Buffy decided to take Spike up on his offer to patrol, leaving Willow and Tara to handle the trick-or-treaters. She half wished her sister had stayed in with them, as next to Giles she was the least off-putting companion she had. She couldn't deny she was drawn to Spike, but sometimes there was just too much creepiness, both from him and her ever more bizarre and unasked for reactions to him.

For the first few blocks to Spike's cemetery it seemed like a peaceful Halloween, harmless spooky decorations and less harmless children. She saw a couple hugging and felt a loneliness she had managed to push aside for more pressing concerns for a long time. How many months had it been since Riley had deserted her? How many more since she had actually been happy with him, or he with her? Had it really been two seasons since the last time she had approached a boy, vessel of a hell god or otherwise?

Her ruminations were broken by the sound of sirens and the sight of an ambulance crossing her path. She followed it to the scene and watched as the paramedics wheeled an injured woman to their vehicle. The telltale puncture wounds of a vampire bite marked her neck. Buffy swiftly turned and made haste to find Spike. Someone was breaking the monsters-stay-in-on-Halloween rule and they needed to find them before anyone else got hurt.

…

Meanwhile Tara was answering the dining room phone.

"Hello, this is the Summers'. Oh, hi Mrs. Penshaw. That's right, Tara. No, Janice hasn't been here. Dawn said she was going to stay the night at your house. O-oh… I see. I'm sorry we didn't call to check but Dawn doesn't usually… I-I understand, I'm worried too. I'll get Willow and we can go looking for her. I'll call you back as soon as we know anything, okay?" She hung up the phone with a heavy exhale.

"Willow?" She said as she entered the living room. Her partner could sense Tara's fear before she explained.

"What's happened?"

"It's Dawn. Janice's mother called, and she never showed up there. She…"

"Said Janice was supposed to be coming here?" Willow finished for her. "Classic con. We used that one a lot in high school."

"Willow…" Tara pleaded, growing more anxious by the second. Dawnie was out there in the night, alone or with someone even more helpless. Willow rubbed her shoulders to calm her.

"I'll call everyone right now. She'll be fine."

The older witch pursed her lips and nodded as the redhead went to call Giles. The ex-Watcher declared he was going to Spike's crypt to find Buffy and insisted that someone remain at the house to wait for the girls or a phone call. They agreed to wait for Xander and Anya to come over before heading out, wanting their own magic firepower on hand if anything Hellmouthy went down. Willow did her best to soothe Tara's nerves as they waited for reinforcements. She already had an idea of where a temperamental teen might have run off to.

…

Janice and Zack had left them alone in the parked car. Dawn had never been so nervous in her whole life. Justin was so cute, so fun, and amazingly sweet. Best of all he seemed to think she was cool too. Now that they were alone she was terrified of what he might be expecting of her. Terrified and thrilled at the same time. Then he was kissing her and it was amazing, and so much softer and cooler than she'd ever dreamed. She kept willing herself not to screw it up. When they pulled back he began to question her and she lied, not wanting to admit she was such a kid at this. Justin just looked at her plaintively and Dawn had to confess.

"Okay, okay. It was my first kiss." She closed her eyes to avoid seeing what she was sure would be a mocking face. "I know, I know. I suck. My-My lips are dry and my tongue's all horrible and sticky and I'm pretty sure I drooled on you. So just please tell me how awful it was."

Dawn never expected him to pull her in by the back of her head and kiss her again. Her eyes shot wide open in disbelief.

"It was perfect."

…

Willow led Tara up the walkway that overlooked the dance floor of the Bronze. She was glad that Tara had calmed down enough for some flirting. Any other night she wouldn't have stopped with one smooch but time was of the essence.

"Do you see her?" Tara asked as they pushed past the costumed club-goers.

"No, there's too many people."

The blonde witch was already losing the momentary peace the distraction of Willow's kiss had provided. She still didn't like crowds, and the thought of Dawn lost in the throng of potential vampires was almost as unsettling as the thought of the girl alone on the streets. "Maybe we could ask security to-"

"No." Her girlfriend interrupted as she made her way up the last section of stairs. "That'll take too long." Willow put her hands on the railing and observed the crowd. She had to thin the herd if she wanted a chance to spot her teen ward. "One among many, many fade to one..."

Tara almost didn't stop the spell in time. She knew her partner was using magick more frequently again since the destruction of the robot, but what was she thinking now?

"What are you doing? Will…"

"I'm just gonna clear the crowd."

That statement didn't explain much. "How?"

"I'll just shift everyone who isn't a 15-year old girl into an alternate dimension." She smirked in pride at her ingenious solution. She'd become curious about dimensional shifting since the appearance of the dimension hopping demon and was eager to try it out.

Tara was so beyond stunned that for a moment her brain couldn't comprehend that her normally brilliant lover had just suggested something so profoundly stupid. It took all her will just to stay coherent long enough to push out one word summing up her astonishment.

"What?"

"No, it'll be for like a fraction of a second. They won't even notice."

"Will, no, you can't."

"Why?" The look on Willow's face told Tara she was honestly baffled. The little Wicca had thought her senior partner would be impressed. This was a spell to help Dawn after all, not something frivolous like party decorations.

"Wh-What if something went wrong?" She hated that her stutter was resurfacing. It couldn't be helped; this kind of stress always brought it out of her. Her confidence was shaky enough without her damn speech impediment getting in the way of her trying to talk sense into Willow.

"Well, it won't."

"Willow you can't know that. Any spell can go wr-wrong."

The redhead chanted a word to block out all voices but theirs to their ears. It was a charm from the most meaningful chapter of the first spellbook they had ever shared, "Spells of Speech and Silence". Only in the last year had they grown strong enough to use it.

"This is about the thaumogenesis demon, isn't it? You think I'm the one who made it!" Her anger was only partly directed outward. She was still suspicious of herself, as hard as she tried to deny it. Tara was harder to ignore than her own conscience. Sometimes she seemed to be all the conscience she had.

"It could have been." Tara said lowly. "Or it could have been me. That's not what this is about."

"Then what is it about?" Willow demanded, her voice growing louder. "Is it some kind of jealousy with you thinking you're not as powerful as me? Or do you not think I'm powerful enough to keep it from going wrong?"

"No, god. I'm worried about you. You're using too much magic."

"So I still frighten you? You don't trust me?" Both their voices were nearly sobs by now. "You know how that makes me feel?"

Tara shook her head. "I've been t-trying to explain this for months, but you aren't listening. What do you want me to do? Just-Just sit back and keep my mouth shut?"

"That'd be a good start." The words were out before she could stop them. Willow's harshness cut through both of their hearts like a knife. Tara caught her breath and managed somehow to respond.

"If I didn't love you so damn much, I would." With that she turned to leave, chanting the countercharm to restore the ambient sound. Willow could only stand and watch helplessly as her love descended the stairs.

"Tara." She called once. A few minutes later the P.A. system broadcasted a call for Dawn Summers. She didn't show up, and the witches met at the exit, continuing to search downtown in silence.

…

"Ow."

"Sorry.

"It's okay. As long as it's not bleeding. …Justin. Could we-"

"It's just… God, you are so beautiful."

Dawn traced her hand up his left arm as they resumed kissing. When she finally reached his face she felt it. The hard, bumpy flesh of game face.

…

Buffy burst into Spike's crypt stake at the ready. She was surprised to see him waiting with a crossbow in hand.

"Spike?"

"I know." He replied coolly. "Need to get our gear together." She cocked her head questioningly. "Giles was just here. He was looking for you."

"Giles? Why?"

"Dawn and her little friend pulled a Houdini." Buffy was about to speak but the vampire kept right on going. He wasn't going to waste words now. Not when the bit was in danger. "Giles is checking the cemetery. There are some idiot vamps out tonight with no respect for tradition. I reckon we better go find the nibblets before…" The Slayer was just nodding and heading straight for the door again. He hadn't suspected it would take much convincing.

…

They caught up with Giles just as he was confronting Dawn's vampiric captor. The boy had her by the throat.

"Now, you have a choice, son. We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the har…" He stopped his threat as a bunch of bright headlights formed a circle around their spot in the forest. There were vampires coming out of cars from all directions, some of them already having blood dripping from their fangs. Spike was pleased to note there were at least three less teen vamps this time. The fiend holding Dawn smirked at Giles' distress, not seeming impressed with the Watcher's allies.

"Dawn, are you…" Buffy took in the scene, realizing just what her kid sister had been up to. The undead boy let go of Dawn. "Were you parking with a vamp?"

"I- I didn't know he was dead." She said timidly.

"Living dead." Justin corrected, as if explaining the politically correct term.

"Shut up." She snapped. Of course the first boy who was interested in her would turn out to be a monster. It had been too good to be true.

"How could you not know?"

"I just met him."

"Oh. So you were parking in the woods with a boy you just met."

"We've seen each other at parties." Justin offered defensively.

"Shut up." Buffy said to him mirroring her sister. "I don't believe you." She said turning back to Dawn. Spike looked around cautiously, picking out his targets for when the fight began. This time he'd be quick.

"Oh, like you've never fallen for vampires?"

"That was different."

"It always is when it's you."

"Uh, excuse me." A large vampire asked. "Can we fight now?"

"Hey, didn't anyone come here to just make out?" The Slayer joked, hoping to spare Dawn a melee. A human couple raised their hands. "Aw, that's sweet. You run." They did. She pointed to a vampire at their right. "You scream." Giles and Spike charged off to begin the battle.

Justin turned to the younger Summers, seeming impressed. "Your sister's the Slayer? I totally get it. I knew there was something about you."

_Oh that is it. _She kneed him in the groin and he doubled over in pain. _No one thinks I'm special unless it's because of her. _

"What is your malfunction, man?" The big fellow who had asked to start the fight complained to Spike. He lunged at the vamp, knocking him over. He didn't bother making a speech about the rules of Halloween this time. His reasons were much simpler now.

"No one hurts the girl." Spike grabbed his arm and unleashed a succession of punches and kicks until the other vampire's back was against the tree. He loosed a crossbow bolt at him and reloaded quickly, anticipating the girl vamp who was going to try and tackle him from the left. A minute later he met Buffy after she won her own bout and they went after Dawn and her pursuer.

The girl heard leaves rustle the moment before Justin leapt out behind her.

"Trick or treat."

She yelped. Her training sessions with Spike melted away in the face of an opponent with no chip to hold back his strength. She tried to run but he caught her around the ankles. As she rolled onto her back with him looming over her she hatched a desperate plan. Dawn wasn't strong or fast like her sister, but she could be clever.

"Give me somethin' good to eat."

She breathed heavily. "I thought you really liked me." He pulled back as she lowered her arms to her sides.

Buffy was about to charge in and intervene, but Spike's hand on her shoulder held her back.

"Spike!" She hissed. He shook his head.

"Just watch her."

Her hands were tightly balled into fists and every muscle in her body tensed with the desire to kill Justin, but she stayed put. She could trust Spike with Dawn. That much had proven time and again to be true.

"I do." Justin answered Dawn softly. She looked at him wistfully, almost regretting what had to come next. "And you like me too."

"I do." He leaned down to sire her, and impaled himself on the stake she'd positioned while they gazed at each other. Her breath came out almost as a sob as Justin's dust fell on her.

Buffy's mouth hung open in amazement. She turned her eyes to Spike.

"You knew she was going to do that?"

He chose his words carefully. "I knew what he would do. Poor idiot was besotted, thought he could make himself a honey. But the bit's resourceful. You Summers women are like that."

The chipped vampire had known that urge himself, the desire to sire as an act of love. His first attempt had been an Oedipal disaster, but in the century and a quarter that had followed he'd felt it again. The last time he'd felt an itch to sire it had been for Willow, who was a damn sight smarter than any company he'd had in decades and cute besides. Now that'd he'd gotten to know her better he imagined she would have made quite the hellion, perhaps even turning out as wild as Drusilla. But Buffy, Buffy he could never turn. It was folly to turn someone you truly loved he had learned. It ruined them and ruined you.

They found Giles and he called the others to let them know Dawn was safe.

…

Dawn went to wait for her inevitable lecture in the dining room. Spike was the first to leave.

"I guess I should bugger off. Something about big bads not venturing far from their crypts on Halloween."

"Good fight." Buffy called after him as he left. A minute later Tara and Willow returned from downtown, the former doing her best to avoid looking at the latter.

"How about this, I make a Dawn locator spell. No dimension shifting, no one in danger."

"This isn't the time Will."

"Well, when is it going to be then? If you have such a problem with my magic…"

Willow stopped when she realized they were arguing in front of the whole group. No one said a word, the sight of the two fighting being almost unheard of. Tara was already hugging Dawn.

"I'm so glad you're safe." Dawn sighed guiltily as her friend pulled back. "Don't lie about where you're going anymore, okay?" She asked meeting the girl's eyes with seriousness and affectionate worry.

"Okay."

Tara walked past Willow without a glance to stand beside Buffy. The redhead gave Dawn a little squeeze.

"Just be careful." The teen shook her head and sighed again. This was just one of those nights. At least the Wiccan couple was understanding. Buffy and Giles were going to rip off her head.

"I will."

"Sorry we missed the monster bashing." Willow said to Buffy, attempting to rejoin her girlfriend's side.

"As long as Dawn's all right."

"Yeah, that's what's…" Willow started, hoping agreement would appease some of the still simmering anger she could feel coming off of Tara in waves. No dice.

"I-I think I'm gonna turn in. Good night." The farewell seemed directed at everyone but Willow.

"Tara. Tara." The younger girl called after her worriedly.

Xander and Anya made some hasty goodbyes, both unsettled by their respective best friends' distress. Giles came back from the kitchen holding an ice pack to the left side of his head.

"How's your face?" His Slayer asked him. He had put up a hell of a fight this evening.

"Oh, still ruggedly handsome. 'Grandpa' indeed. Ow." He looked in at Dawn, concern and disappointment both evident in his expression.

"She's taking it pretty hard."

"Well, it's not surprising. Still, we can't ignore this kind of behavior. Something needs to be done before it spins out of control."

"You're right." She took a few steps toward the dining room. "Thanks again for coming Giles."

He smiled, the movement of his facial muscles evincing another twinge of pain.

"Always glad to be of help."

Buffy stood with her hands on her hips, wishing she didn't have to be the one to do this. Her sister just looked at the floor for a long minute before piping up.

"So, on a scale of one to ten, how mad are you? Twenty?"

"Try a thousand. What made you think you could just run off with no one knowing where you were? And with a vampire?"

"It was stupid to trick you guys like that, I know okay?" She wanted to bury her head under her pillows and just forget the whole night. "And it's not like I knew he was a vampire."

"Giles said you were standing there, neck tilted while he was about to bite you. What in the hell made you do that?"

"I don't know! He was just… he was really sweet and cool and he said he liked me." Dawn knew how dumb it sounded, and how dumb it was. It just hurt that it wasn't real. It hurt even more that it wasn't all fake. "I thought for a second… maybe he was a good one."

"Dawn there are no good ones. You can't go around thinking vampires are people. They're demons. Evil bloodsucking demons." She couldn't believe she was having to say this. Dawn had either known about vampires since she was nine or for her entire life depending on how one measured it. The teen curled her lip in anger.

"So Justin was evil and I was stupid. What's your excuse?"

Buffy remembered Dawn's retort from earlier. "Don't make this about me. Angel had a soul. That made him different, us different."

"Who said I was talking about Angel?" The brunette said crossing her arms and leaning back.

The Slayer hadn't really noticed in the heat of the moment before, but her sister had used the plural. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh please. You and Spike. You're totally into each other. You think I didn't notice?"

"Me and Spike?" She was floored. That was completely absurd. Utterly ridiculous. "There's nothing going on between me and Spike."

"Then why do you spend more time with him than your friends?" _More time than you spend with me? _

"We just patrol together. He's not…"

"In love with you? Come on, even you have to admit that."

She took a deep breath. There was that word again, love. "What Spike feels for me, it's not real. He can't love because he doesn't have a soul. He just has a chip that keeps him from hurting people. That's not the same thing."

"Then what made him save me?"

"It's not…" Buffy struggled to explain. "He thinks he's in love. He's just acting like… like he would it were real. But it's not." That logic didn't seem convincing, even to her. She could see tears forming in Dawn's eyes.

"What about me? I'm not real, and you choose to act like it. Does that not count either?"

Buffy's throat clenched. "Dawn…" She kneeled at the younger girl's feet, placing her hands on her knees. "_You _are real. You have a heart, a soul, and a family that loves you. _I _love you. Don't you ever think any differently."

…

It was a while before they felt comfortable enough to go to bed. The lecture had backfired spectacularly and now Buffy felt like the one who had done something wrong. Maybe she _was_ spending too much time with Spike. She had to believe that the things she had told Dawn were true, because they were all that kept her from doing stupid things of her own. Being a good role-model would mean backing off from the bleached blonde, something she probably should have done a long time ago.

She wasn't even asleep before she started to regret the decision.

…

The Wiccans stood on opposite sides of the room in their night clothes, the air almost fogged with the tension between them.

Willow tried once more to apologize. "I'm-I'm sorry, okay?" Tara picked up a throw pillow from the bed and tossed it to the floor.

"It's not that easy."

"Well what do you want me to do? Give me a clue here." The blonde just looked at her darkly, not stopping with the pillows. She hadn't seen anyone so upset with her since Oz had caught her with Xander. The werewolf hadn't offered her a path to absolution either, just told her it would take time. She couldn't stand the thought of waiting to make up. "I want things to be right between us."

Tara put a hand to her forehead and sighed. The crisis with Dawn had already drained much of her emotional fortitude for the night. Working things out with Willow would take time and multiple long, long conversations about magic and balance. It was more than she could deal with right now. "Can-can we not do this now? I'm tired."

Sadly that was what Willow had been expecting to hear, but already she was coming up with a plan to fix it. She couldn't spend a whole night with Tara mad at her. "Okay." She said, letting it go. Her girlfriend pulled back the covers and slid into bed. "Let's just forget it ever happened." She walked over to the vanity and picked up a sprig of Lethe's bramble from a little dish of herbs. She placed it gently in her left hand, willing her power into it. "Forget." It shimmered with a soft pink light from bottom to top. The witch turned off the lamp and turned to the bed inquisitively. She flipped the light switch and tucked the bramble beneath her pillow before finally joining Tara in their bed. The blonde smiled as she entered.

"Ooh. Your feet are cold."

That was reassuring. "Better warm me up." Tara snuggled her head into the crook of Willow's neck.

"This is how every day should always end… and start, and all the stuff in the middle." She punctuated her lovely thought with a kiss on the redhead's cheek.

"So, uh, you're not mad?" It seemed that the spell had worked, but she had to check to make sure.

"About what?" That was the last confirmation she needed to be comfortable. Willow smiled broadly as Tara snuggled into her, wrapping her arm over her chest. The fight was forgotten, and all would be well between them.

…

Anya and Xander spent a good portion of the night improvising a tale about a "Charlie angel" tracking down a despicable but dashing pirate. She got almost as caught up in creating the story as the sexcapades. Timbers were well shivered, but once again Xander's worries caught up with him once they were post-coital. Seeing his best friend and her girlfriend have a fight was a damn rare occurrence and had shaken him somewhat. The ladies were going to be the best man and maid of honor at their wedding, and trouble between them felt like a bad omen. He only wished there was some way he could know if he and his demon would end up happy.

The carpenter found his answer the next day as he helped his fiancée sort through their artifacts for the clearance sale. In a mahogany box was an amulet with a pendant the color of amber. It had a small note with it, thankfully in English.

Revealed in song and dance

All secrets of the heart

To find the truth you seek

Invoke this Sweet art

He looked around to check that no one was watching and read the incantation. There was the slightest scent of smoke from the pendant, but he didn't hear any music. Xander shrugged. It had been worth a shot. When he returned upstairs he carelessly left it on the counter as Anya called him over to look at an article in Tomorrow's Bride magazine. Truth would have been nice, but he'd had to live with uncertainty for now.

…

Author's Notes: The next chapter is going to be a bit tricky, what with lyrics being involved and all, so there may be a delay. Buffy, Spike and Giles all have something different to sing about this time. It'll be fun to write, even though it can't hope to match up to the awesomeness of the original. Hopefully I can post it on time.

Cellyber: Glad you think so. The hardest part of writing this is keeping everyone in character while giving them reasonable motivations to act differently or the same as they did in canon. For example Buffy isn't delegating as many of her responsibilities to Giles. Anything that stays the same as before I at least try to flesh out with the character's thoughts and feelings.

Trouble Lurking: Thank you. :) The apology wasn't directed at you, just anyone who likes to write slash of a different gender/orientation and might have been offended.

A story where nothing goes wrong isn't a story at all. That's one of the reasons Joss Whedon hasn't given the characters any happy endings: he still has comics to sell and he needs conflict. I don't have that constraint, so I can. However, the major things that are going to be "fixed" in this story will only come after a lot of suffering and effort on the part of the characters. The wish was just a catalyst to make the changes possible.


	8. Chapter Six: Once More, Once More

Author's Notes: I had a hell of time with the formatting on this one. I tried having side by side columns when two characters were singing at once and it didn't work at all. Hopefully the final result and the lyrics aren't too weird. The next chapter should be ready the evening of August 27th, but as always I'll note any delays on my profile. 

**Once More, Once More**

Cast:

Buffy Summers: A young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Hiding what she knows about the state of the world and what she feels from her friends.

Xander Harris: A blue collar worker terrified of what the future may hold for him and his fiancée. Set the music in motion.

Anya Emmanuella Christina Jenkins (soon to be Harris): A capitalist ex-vengeance demon eager to walk down the aisle but terrified of having her heart broken.

Dawn Summers: A former transdimensional Key who wonders if anyone will ever truly notice her and treat her as a human. Hiding kleptomania.

Spike: A lovelorn vampire with a microchip that won't let him be a monster, and a lack of a soul that won't let him be a man. Hiding his role in the change of the world from Buffy.

Rupert Giles: Buffy's former Watcher, feeling less and less useful as his surrogate daughter becomes more self-reliant.

Tara Maclay: A lifelong witch and the moral center of the group. Unknowingly had her memory altered by Willow.

Willow Rosenberg: A nerdy witch, perhaps the world's most powerful. Determined to never fight with Tara again after their first quarrel left Tara at the mercy of a hell god.

Sweet: A demon from the imagination who has come to bring the fun into Sunnydale, at the cost of combusting citizens and revealing the secrets of the singers.

…

By time they were finished helping Anya with the clearance sale Buffy was more than ready for a break from her immersion therapy. Tonight would be her first Spikeless patrol in a while, but she was determined to stick to her decision. If he showed up to join her, well, she'd just have to shoo him away. She marched down the rows of graves, keeping an eye out for her prey. A good bit of fighting would distract her from her friend issues and missing Spike.

The Slayer imagined she could almost hear a soft tune building around her. Was it some song she'd gotten stuck in her head? It didn't sound familiar though. The music was getting louder, enough that she could make out individual instruments. Then, although she couldn't say why, Buffy joined the melody with her voice.

[Going Through The Motions]

Buffy

Out into the night, it's getting old hat. Time to go and fight the fight.

I need to clear my head 'cause I know that, nothing here is real, nothing here is right.

_(The first vampire of the evening skulked out from behind a tombstone and they began to brawl.)_

If I'm trading blows the feeling goes but when I'm done it grows

So I've been going through the motions, acting out the part.

No one can be shown what's in my heart.

_(Her stake hit home with the final note.)_

They all think I'm brave, and kind of righteous, but I think I'm faltering.

_(Buffy's eyes widened in horror as she saw a demon and two vampires preparing a young man for some kind of sacrifice. She didn't stop singing even as she engaged her new trio of opponents.)_

Crawl out of your grave you'll find this fight is all that I can bring.

Vampire

Violence is her thing.

_(A lucky blow almost sent her to the ground, but she countered and staked him.)_

Buffy

That's what's worrying.

_(The demon and remaining vampire danced as they joined in the song. Buffy grabbed the sword the dusted vampire had left.) _

Demons

She does really swell with fiends from hell but lately we can tell,

That she's just going through the motions,

Losing it somehow.

_(The Slayer took their distraction as a chance to plunge the blade into the horned demon's chest.)_

Demon

She's not quite the girl she used to… Ow.

_(The fiend fell to his death as Buffy went to cut the ropes binding the man.)_

Buffy

Will I shun my friends forever? Lonely in my life's endeavor?

Lad in peril

How can I repay…?

Buffy

Whatever. How long will I be

Going through the motions, lying to survive?

_(She tossed aside the sword and took a stand atop a tombstone.)_

Only he can see, this hidden side of me

And I just have to be

_(The last vampire charged her and she easily staked him, creating a cloud of iridescent dust that wafted over her as she belted out her final line.)_

Alive.

Just as suddenly as it had started, the music stopped. Buffy looked around, wondering if some undead orchestra had decided to follow her around. After a few tense minutes it was clear she had dispatched what quarry this graveyard to offer her. _Freaky. _Still, it wasn't "death is your gift" freaky. She'd take an impromptu musical over visions of a world in suffering any day.

…

Spike thumbed through the money clip he'd just lifted from a vampire knocked out in the bar fight that had broken out inside Willie's. He wasn't keen to stick around and get pulled into any more musical numbers that might arise. The first singer had been a F'yarl demon that hadn't gotten out any more complex lyrics than a few bars of "I'm going to kill you, kill you, kill you. I'm going to kill you." Granted the singing had made the actual killing take longer than usual.

The singing and dancing was an event that had been comparatively difficult to plan for. His first option was of course to just let everything play out the way it had during the original 'performance', but he didn't trust that he wouldn't sing something that would reveal his secrets. It had been embarrassing enough to do that once. His second idea was to drag Xander to the dancing demon and make him confess, but Spike doubted Buffy and the others would approve or take his word for it he tried to explain. He could go save Dawn himself and cut out the middle man. His last choice was to do nothing and wait for the situation to resolve itself, but he didn't fancy that. This was it after all, the big moment.

_Door number three then. _

...

"Respect the cruller, and tame the doughnut!"

"That's still funny, sweetie." Anya humored her fiancé as he played with his pastries. She still had that song running through her head and it wouldn't let her stay annoyed with him. _"So maybe love is pretty smart, then so am I…"_

Buffy tried to think of a way to bring up last night without sounding like she was going crazy.

"So, uh, no research? Nothing going on, monsters or whatnot?"

Giles shook his head, mouth stuffed with pastry. He'd been keeping his mouth full for most of the morning to stop any more unexpected singing.

"Good, good. Uh, so did anybody, uh… last night, you know, did anybody, um… burst into song?"

They all went silent, realizing they weren't alone. Xander felt the blood rushing from his extremities in fear. He had thought that the weird argument he and Anya had had with the coconuts was the last of the amulet's effects. It hadn't really answered any questions, let alone told him if they would get a happy ending. Apparently that had just been the beginning.

"Merciful Zeus."

Everyone was talking over each other describing their songs except the Slayer.

"What did you sing about?" Her Watcher asked her.

"Um, slaying." She replied. _And a bunch of stuff I really don't want to talk about in front of all of you. _"It seemed normal at the time."

"It's not normal; it's disturbing, and not the natural order of things." Xander said anxiously as he looked to Giles. "Do you think it'll happen again?"

Giles didn't know and of course suggested research. For once Xander was happy to comply. As long as it didn't end up implicating him.

"We just gotta break it down, look at the factors before it happens again, 'cause I for one…"

[I've Got a Theory/Bunnies/If We're Together]

Giles

I've got a theory, that it's a demon.

A dancing demon no, something isn't right there…

…

The song ended and they looked at each other in amazement. The carpenter's fear was gnawing at him even worse. Anya had called up spotlights and pyrotechnics out of nowhere. Who knew what else the musical numbers were going to cause?

"See? Okay, that was disturbing."

Willow didn't seem as freaked out, but Buffy at least was cautious.

"Well, is it just us? I mean, is it only happening to us, because that would probably mean a spell." Anya offered. The Slayer went to check outside. She was greeted by a troupe of townspeople dancing outside of the drycleaners across the street.

[The Mustard]

Formerly Stained Man

They got, the mustard, out!

Townsfolk

They got the mustard out!

Buffy shut the door, trying to keep a straight face. "It's not just us."

The gang settled into research mode and the rest of the morning passed without any of them singing. There were a few potential leads, and Tara shared one she thought was promising.

"It says that in Florence, in 1248 a city official and his mistress were compelled to dance to phantom music until every joint in their bodies broke. It was found to be a curse laid by…" The witch paused, until the embarrassment of keeping silent outweighed her embarrassment for her friend. "… the demon Anyanka."

To Tara's surprise Anya just leaned over to look at the book curiously. "Is there a picture?" She pushed it closer so the ex-demon could see. "Ugh, I can't believe I used to style my hair like that." Anya showed the drawing of her thirteenth century self to Xander. "Please tell me my hair is prettier than that."

His mouth hung open for a few seconds while he tried not to show horror at the veiny face his fiancée used to wear. "Your hair looks great honey." An image of him lifting the veil at their wedding to find Anyanka's demonic visage flashed in his mind's eye.

…

At half past three Dawn came into the Magic Box practically skipping.

"Oh my god. You guys will never believe what happened at school today."

"Everybody started singing and dancing?" Her sister answered, and Dawn deflated. So much for having a cool story.

"I gave birth to a pterodactyl." She said flatly.

"Oh my god. Did it sing?" Anya asked with sincere amazement.

They confirmed that they'd experienced it too and Dawn went to sit beside the counter. Willow and Tara were whispering and clearly getting distracted with one another. They requested to continue their work at home and Dawn took the group's preoccupation as an opportunity to take a pretty amber pendant from the counter and slip it into her back pocket. The witches nearly ran out of the shop, and no one noticed yet another act of petty theft committed under their noses.

"It's good that Tara and Willow have stopped fighting." Anya said after a while. "_That's _disturbing." She didn't want to think what people with that much power could do if they got truly upset. Not that she had to think hard. In her long centuries she had seen plenty of just such disasters.

"Well, they're probably not getting any work done. I bet they're too busy…" Xander looked over at Dawn, remembering that talking about those things in front of her would likely get him an ass-kicking from her big sister. "… singing. I bet they're singing."

"I'm sure Willow and Tara are making every effort." Giles said, having a bit more faith in the girls to be responsible.

Those words set Xander off and his imagination went to the back of his old ice cream truck again. "Oh yeah."

"Xander." Buffy said with a warning look.

"Buffy, it's okay." Dawn reassured her. Her housemates were good about keeping what they did private, but their rooms _did _share a door. "I know what kind of stuff couples do when they're alone. Besides, it's all kind of romantic."

"No it's not." Buffy and Xander said together. 

…

Truthfully there had been singing for the girls, even it did lead to what their friends assumed they were up to. Eventually they took a break and looked through the volumes in their personal collection, feeling only a little guilty about playing hooky.

"I thought you didn't want to be cooped up today. We've been how many hours in this room now?" Tara asked playfully.

"Well where else did you expect me to go after serenading me with that beautiful voice?" Willow smiled at the blush she was still able to bring out of her girlfriend. To think she would have missed hearing that amazing song if she'd hadn't fixed their fight.

"Your everything is beautiful." The blonde replied. The freckled witch slammed her book shut and threw it to the floor carelessly.

"Now look what you've done, you gotten me all distracted again. How am I supposed to be research gal when you're like that?"

"Like what?" Tara asked teasingly, half self-conscious. She had meant every word she had sung to Willow, but letting it all out in a public park had been a little scary. While she was caught up in the song it had felt like nothing else mattered besides revealing what was in her heart.

"When you're you! You think it's me that people see, but it's not. You were incredible before you ever met me."

"Willow…"

The redhead could feel herself begin to fall under the musical enchantment that had gripped the town and almost shivered in fear. Fear, and a bit of anticipation. She was nowhere near the singer Tara was and if she had been in front of anyone else she'd be terrified. But it was Tara, and she knew she'd be accepted.

[Under Your Spell]

Willow

My heart was torn and broken, betrayed by who I loved best.

There was no farewell spoken, leaving a hole in my chest.

Then our hands entwined, and your heart healed mine.

I'm under your spell.

I feel our energy, pass between us perfectly.

Just look how deep I fell.

Your love made me see, just how magic life could be.

The sun in my sky, heat that I can't deny.

I'm under your spell.

Beyond fantasy, this desire you raise in me.

It's in your arms I'll dwell

Passions running free, spirits linked in symmetry.

You make me complete, you make me complete.

You make me complete, you make me complete.

Not much more research got done that night.

…

Xander and Anya shouted over each other to Giles describing the horror of their morning duet.

"It's a nightmare, a plague. It's like a nightmare about a plague. It's like, I didn't want to say these things but things just kept pouring out. And they rhymed, and they were mean. My eyes are not beady! Giles, you gotta stop it."

"It has to be stopped. It was like we were being watched. Like someone was reading about us. Like we were text on a screen when we used to be moving pictures with sounds. My toes are not hairy!"

Giles didn't appreciate being between the quarreling pair but he tried to keep a level head. A woman sang as he described the mysterious charred corpses that had been showing up around town.

[Parking Ticket]

"Okay, but we're sure that the things are related- the singing and dancing and burning and dying." Xander wanted desperately for it not to be his fault, but Giles didn't offer him anything to work with. He prayed Buffy would find something out in the demon haunts.

…

One demon was out of his haunt, having been camping out in the sewers to avoid Buffy. Spike made his way through the tunnels to the pipe beneath the Bronze and had to take a detour to avoid a turf war between demons and vampires. _You have got to be kidding me. _The rival gangs were dancing at each other like they were in West Side Story, only it ended with more decapitations.

Once he reached the grate to nightclub he settled in to listen for sounds of Dawn's arrival.

…

Dawn poured her schoolbooks onto her bed to start her homework. Tara had come home to watch out for her while the rest of the Scoobies continued the investigation. The current theory was that a demon lord of the dance had been summoned.

"They don't even know its name yet, but Willow will find out. She's the brainy type." Tara said with a smile. Her mood brightened Dawn's.

"I'm glad you guys made up."

"What?"

"That fight you guys had about magic and stuff? It gives me belly rumblings when you guys fight."

"I'm sorry. But Dawn, that was months ago. We haven't fought in…"

"It's okay." She couldn't blame Tara for not wanting to bring it up. "I know I made a lot of trouble for everyone Halloween night. You guys are so great together…" The blonde's hand moved to the flower in her sweater she had found under Willow's pillow. Something felt off about this situation. Dawn was so earnest. "I'd hate to mess things up for you. I'm glad it's over."

Tara tried to remember what the flower was called. She might have seen it in passing in one of Giles' spellbooks.

"Dawn, I, um… There's something I need at the shop. Will you be okay for a little while?"

"Yes. The fifteen year old can spend half an hour alone in her locked house." She said with a bit of exasperation.

"I-I won't be gone long." With that the Wiccan left her.

_Uh-oh._ It didn't sound like the fight was really over. People were still getting caught up in their own secrets. And in all these months, no had bothered to figure out hers. She went to her jewelry box and opened the hidden compartment where she kept her ill gotten gains. Dawn wasn't sure how much more brazen she could be, the price tags were still on most of the stuff and the hiding place wasn't even that clever. She took out the amber pendant and fastened it around her neck, observing herself in the mirror.

[Dawn's Lament]

Dawn

Does anybody even notice?

Does anybody even care?

As the song ended she turned around and was greeted by the sight of three figures dressed like giant ventriloquist dummies. Their painted eyes stared blankly at her as she screamed and they threw a sack over her head. One of them rapped her on the back of the skull and everything went black. When she swam back to consciousness she found herself lying on a pool table in the Bronze…

…

Spike heard a jazzy number and clambered for the grate. He had to fight off one the demon's puppet lackeys to get to the club and the song was still going when he arrived.

[What You Feel]

Dawn

Well, that's great but I'm late

And I'd hate to delay her.

Sweet

Something's cooking, I'm at the griddle.

I bought Nero his very first fiddle.

_(Spike meant to shout his threat but it came out in song.)_

Spike

Meet my fist 'cause I'm pissed.

The bit's sister's the Slayer.

"The Slayer?" The dance lord asked, interest piqued. The vampire walked to Dawn's side.

"Spike!" She cried out. She wanted to take his arm for protection but her movement was still under the demon's command.

"That's right." He said putting his body between Dawn and her captor. "She'll be along to trounce you soon enough, but I'm taking first crack."

The swanky fiend chuckled at Spike's tough talk. "So, you're her knight in leather armor, are you?" The bleached blonde just glared, baring his teeth. "You really think you can play the hero, with all that lust and deception in your heart?"

"I'm not playing hero. I'm just doing what I want."

"What you want? Really? I wonder just how far you'd go to get what you want." The demon addressed his servants. "Find her. Tell her- tell her everything. Just get her here." The dummies left the Bronze to seek out Buffy. "I wanna see the Slayer burn."

"Better, bigger bads than you have tried, ponce." The dance lord gestured and Spike found himself dancing to far side of room in painful jerking motions. Dawn could only watch in horror. He tried to fight it but just ended up slamming into the wall and falling down with a bruised arm. _Damn. _The demon was toying with him. Spike managed to sit down against the wall and faced the stage, trying to draw up the willpower to get him and Dawn out of this.

Sweet

Now we're partying.

That's what it's all about.

…

"Good, good." Giles congratulated his charge as he held the pieces of the board she had just kicked in two.

"I feel like I should be calling you sensei. Or sifu. I think one of my past lives called her Watcher that." Buffy said thoughtfully.

"Both are correct actually." He went to set down the broken board. "Pity we're still not sure what we're facing."

"I'm sure we can handle it. I'm more worried that this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an 80's movie." She said as she stretched her leg on the vault horse.

"Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords we'll just lie down till they go away." Giles took a towel down as Buffy pushed herself up on the vault horse's handles. "So how did your talk with Dawn on Halloween go?"

The Slayer dropped to floor and began stretching her arms. "Pretty well actually. At least I think the going out with strange boys equals bad thing sunk in." _And now I can't go out with strange boys. _She had skipped going to Spike's crypt to pump him for information against her wishes. Already she was missing having him to confide in.

"I'm glad." Buffy stopped her warm ups and stood before him.

"Okay Mr. Miyagi, I'm ready."

Giles walked to the weapons rack to fetch a throwing dagger.

[Standing]

Giles

You're taking charge in your life outside.

I keep on stalling, to shelter my pride.

I'd like to think you need me standing by your side, but I…

_(Buffy dodged her Watcher's first projectile with ease.)_

Your path's unbeaten, and it's all uphill.

_(The second knife was deflected with a flick her hand.)_

Someday you'll reach it, I'm sure that you will.

You're moving on while I'm just standing still, but I…

_(Buffy's leg arced elegantly as she kicked the third dagger.)_

I wish I could fight beside you, as you protect this land.

_(Rupert reached out to her as she began to cartwheel.)_

Wish I could play the father and be your guiding hand.

Wish my path was clear, but now I understand,

I'm standing in the way.

The threats around us, you'll defeat them all,

And your friends will catch you, if you should fall.

I wonder when you'll see you don't need me at all, but I…

Wish you could lay your arms down, and take your rest at last.

Wish I could slay your demons, but I'm stuck in the past.

Wish I could stay near, your stalwart standing fast

But I'm standing in the way. I'm just standing

In the way.

Buffy frowned at him. She had heard music, but the words had come through to her jumbled.

"Did you just say something?"

Her former Watcher sighed. "Nothing at all."

…

Tara's hand was almost trembling as she held the flower up to the illustration. Before her in black and white print was her answer. There were so many things Tara was afraid of Willow doing. She was worried that she would leave her for someone better, or that she'd decide Tara wasn't a good enough partner in magic for her. Most of all Tara feared that Willow would hurt herself worse than a nosebleed or a headache doing magic. What she had never imagined was that her lover would hurt her.

[Under Your Spell/Standing (reprise)]

Tara

I'm under your spell.

God how can this be? Playing with my memory?

You know I've been through hell.

Willow don't you see, there'll be nothing left of me.

You made me believe

_(Giles came from the training room and they looked on at Willow and Buffy.)_

Giles

Believe me I don't wanna go

Tara and Giles

And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so

But we both know

Tara

Wish I could trust that it was just this once

But I must do what I must.

I can't adjust to this disgust.

We're done but I just

Giles

Wish I could fight beside you

As you protect this land.

Wish I could play the father

And be your guiding hand.

Tara and Giles

Wish I could stay. Wish I could stay.

Wish I could stay. Wish I could…

Stay.

The song ended and the bell at the store's entrance rang. Everyone broke themselves out of their thoughts to look at their visitor. It was a life sized puppet, turning its head around to observe the shop.

"Who are you?" Buffy asked taking point in front of her friends.

"Is this the demon guy?" Tara said with a small tremble.

"Tara?" Willow saw her and smiled. Her girlfriend didn't look at her and walked to the front door. The whole gang gathered behind Buffy to wait for the dummy to reply. An orchestral swelling rose up as he stepped forward, but fell again as he simply spoke instead.

"My master has the Slayer's pet vampire and sister hostage at the Bronze because she summoned him and at midnight he's going to take her to the underworld to be his queen."

"Pet vampire? He has Spike?" Anya asked with surprise.

"More importantly he has Dawn." Giles reminded her. He saw Buffy flinch a little at the mention of the vampire's name. "What does your master want?"

The puppet raised a wooden arm to point at the Slayer. "Her." Before they could respond he turned and left. Buffy faced her friends.

"Okay, we need a plan."

"Plan schman. Let's mount up." Xander said eager to fix the chaos he'd caused. _Not that I want to save Spike, but he can be collateral salvage if he makes it._

"A little confusion spell could…" Willow began to offer but was cut off.

"No!" Tara shouted, her lover looking at her in confusion. If there weren't a crisis happening she'd be confronting her now, but Dawn took priority. "I mean, I don't think it'll help."

"Time is wasting." Buffy said resolutely. They followed her out into night to face the mastermind.

…

Spike had been making temporary progress to the demon lord's throne, but had kept ending up back at the wall. It couldn't end like this, not after all he'd been through. He got to his feet and saw that his enemy had conjured tiny flames to crisscross the club's floor. They formed a maze barely large enough for Spike to navigate. He took a step into the first pathway and the flames shot up to the ceiling when his boot got too close. The vampire felt the rage shifting his face to its more predatory form. He thought back to the night he'd killed Doc, and the surge of strength that had come to him. Summoning up all his willpower, he made his way through the labyrinth.

While Spike danced through the inferno, the Scoobies marched forward to the Bronze.

[Walk Through The Fire]

Spike

I touch her fire and it scorches me.

To look into it leaves me blind.

It's wrong I know, but I can't let it go,

Can't leave the past behind.

Through time and death, she calls to me

To throw myself into the flames.

I saved the day, but there's a price to pay.

My foolish heart's to blame.

So I will walk through the fire,

Until I get my turn.

I will walk through the fire, and let it

Buffy

Now Spike's been caught protecting her.

It's for show I've no doubt.

So he might fry, not my fault if he dies.

I better help him out.

Sweet

Cause you are drawn to the fire.

Some people never learn.

And you will walk through the fire

And let it

Spike

I will never learn.

And I will walk through the fire

And let it

Giles

Am I strong enough to leave her? Is Spike trying to deceive her?

Is my Slayer too trusting to care?

Xander

What if there's no way to beat it?

Anya

You could be right Spike's been defeated

But we can't just sit around and glare.

Scoobies

Let's see it through, it's what we're always here to do.

So we will walk through the fire

Spike

So night by night, she turns to me.

Leaving her mates out in the cold.

And what I chose

It's still just me that knows.

She never can be told.

Tara

What can't we face

If we're together?

Anya

Together we can be much braver.

Sweet

So one by one, they come to me.

The distant redness as their guide.

That single flame ain't what they had in mind

It's what they have inside.

Spike

First I killed her, then I saved her.

Tara

Everything is turning out so grim.

Buffy

Going through the motions.

Spike

No, Willow saved her, then I tricked her.

Willow

I think someone's feeling bitter.

Giles

Could it be she wants to rescue him?

Sweet

She will come to me

Spike

My love struck daze is finally ending in a blaze.

All

And we are caught in the fire

The point of no return.

So we will walk through the fire

And let it

Burn.

Let it burn.

_(Buffy kicked down the door to the nightclub and saw Spike nearly to the stage. He was surrounded by jets of flame on all sides and was beginning to ignite. She dashed for him.)_

Let it burn.

Let it burn.

With the final note Buffy tackled him to ground and began beating the flames out. When they were extinguished she found herself holding onto him, not even noticing his game face in her worry over the burns marking his body. The demon lord laughed in dark amusement as the others came help them up. The witches ended up carrying Spike away from the foot of the stage to lean once more against a wall.

"Showtime. I love a good entrance." The red demon said in greeting.

"How are you with death scenes?" Buffy said angrily. He just chuckled. Dawn was unharmed at least.

"Buffy I swear I didn't do it." Her sister pleaded with her.

"Don't worry. I'm going to kill this zoot-suited bastard."

"What if I kill you?" The demon challenged.

"Trust me, won't help." The Slayer said sadly, thinking of Willow.

"That's gloomy." He said with a pout.

"That's life."

"Come now. Is that really what you feel? Isn't the world a miraculous place?"

"I think you already know." The lord of the dance was also compelling them to reveal their secrets. He must know what she felt.

[Something To Sing About]

Buffy

Earth's a stage, we all must play our parts.

And when the music starts, we open up our hearts.

Even if this world we share is wrong, we'll sing a happy song.

And you can sing along.

_(The lord of the dance's minions tried to fight Buffy with pool cues as she sang, but they were no match.)_

Where there's life, there's hope

Every day's a gift

Wishes can come true

Whistle while you work

So hard all day

To be like other girls, to fit in in this glittering world.

Don't give me songs, don't give me songs.

_("She needs backup." Giles said as he realized how deep Buffy was in thrall to the dance. "Anya, Tara." They nodded and joined her, vocalizing in harmony with her song.)_

Give me something to sing about.

I need something to sing about.

Life's a song, you don't get to rehearse.

And every single verse, can make it that much worse.

That my friends, is what makes me ignore, the million things or more

I should be dancing for.

All the joy life sends

Family and friends

All the twists and bends

Knowing that it ends

Well that depends

If they've the strength to know, you're ready to be let go.

_(She glared at the four who resurrected her.)_

That when you've bowed, you leave the crowd.

_(Everyone but Spike could only watch in confusion as Buffy ascended the stairs to the stage. The dance lord beckoned her to him on his throne.)_

This world is fake. Only I see, that our victory,

Never happened.

My life's a mistake. I saw the truth.

Death was my gift, but one I couldn't give.

Its only by some spell that I live.

So give me something to sing about.

_(She turned in desperation to her demonic puppeteer.)_

Please, give me something.

_(He shook his head, denying her. Buffy dove from the stage, and her lingering regrets and frustrations began to drive her into a frantic dance. The others found themselves unable to move, not even sure of what they could do for her if they could. As she began to smoke the injured vampire ran to her and took her in his arms. They came to a stop, and with his human face restored but burnt he sang to her.)_

Spike

Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss, life is just this

It's living.

_(He stroked her hair, glad that she wasn't flinching from him.)_

The world isn't wrong.

There's no need to grieve, if you believe in living.

You have to go on living. So one of us is living.

The dance lord clapped. "Now that was a show stopping number. Not quite the fireworks that I was looking for."

Dawn finally pushed herself out the chair the demon had trapped her in.

"Buffy, what did you just sing?"

_Glory. _Willow thought. _That's what the guide told her. She was supposed to die that night, but she didn't. And now she thinks the world is wrong. God, no wonder she's been wonky with the human emotions. _

"I… it's a long story." Buffy said as she stepped out of Spike's arms.

"I guess the little missus and I should be on our way." The demon said, distracting the gang from questioning Buffy further.

"She didn't summon you!" Spike spat before he could stop himself. "Right?" He asked, trying to conceal knowledge he shouldn't have.

"This- at the Magic Box, on the floor- I was- I was cleaning and I forgot- I didn't summon anything." Dawn protested shakily.

"Well now, that's a twist."

"If it was in the shop… then one of us probably…" Giles trailed off.

Xander felt the full guilt of the past few days overwhelm him. This was his biggest screw-up, no, fuck-up since he got Amy to cast that love spell. He couldn't leave Dawn in danger because of a stupid mistake. It was out of the question. He raised his hand sheepishly.

"Xander!" Anya shouted. What had he been thinking? And with her store's private artifacts no less?

"Well I didn't know what was gonna happen." He said defensively. "I just thought there were gonna be dances and songs. I just wanted to make sure we'd-we'd work out. Get a happy ending."

"I think everything worked out just fine." The demon said cryptically.

Xander pondered that and came to a very creepy conclusion. "Does this mean that I have to… be your queen?"

"It's tempting…" The dance lord said with a shrug. "But I think we'll waive that clause just this once. Big smiles everyone. You beat the bad guy."

[What You Feel (reprise)]

Sweet

What a lot of fun, you guys have been real swell

And there's not a one who can say this ended well.

All those secrets you've been concealing, say you're happy now

Once more with feeling.

Now I've gotta run, see you all

In hell!

And with that final taunt the dance lord took the form a Technicolor cloud of light and vanished. Only one of them felt like they had achieved any kind of victory. Spike had made it through to his big moment, even surviving extra danger he'd thrown himself into. But for some reason, it felt wrong. Now wasn't right, he just didn't quite understand why. As Dawn began to sing he fought the urge to join in and snuck out.

[Where Do We Go From Here?]

Buffy saw Spike leave and wanted to follow him out to avoid explaining her lyrics to her loved ones. She had meant to keep what she knew hidden indefinitely, and just wait out the disgust until it faded. Now there would be questions, and more worried glances. It was more than she could deal with after everything else that had happened tonight. She broke out of the performance and looked down the alleys to catch sight of him. He was gone. What did she even want from him? Buffy imagined for a moment that they were kissing, and the image couldn't leave her.

[Coda]

Buffy

This can't be real.

Why does he make me feel…?

All

Where do we go from here?

FIN

Author's (Other) Notes: I know, I know, I'm a bitch for changing the ending ;) Hang in there, the next few chapters are where the Spuffy picks up (though differently than it did the first time around), and of course where the Willow and Tara reaches its worst. Xander and Anya's divergence from canon will come later, and it won't be all burlap and larvae. I hope I'm not bothering anyone with these chapters that hew close to canon, I promise things will get more and more altered as the story goes on.

I know where this story ends up, but the parts of the middle, specifically Angel Season Five are still up in the air detail wise. I've put up a poll on my profile to determine what's going to happen. Should the ending of the season turn out differently? How much? Buffy, Spike, Tara, Willow, Anya, Xander, and Dawn will end up in the place I have planned but I'm undecided about the cast of Angel aside from Angel and Harmony. I have three tentative plans, one per poll option.


	9. Chapter Seven: We Already Deja'd This Vu

Author's Notes: Gah! Almost a month late… Hopefully this chapter will be worth the wait. It's a big turning point and the moment a lot of you have probably been waiting for. I've laid out a writing schedule for myself to keep from going crazy between this, family, and school, so with luck updates can finally come in a timely fashion. If I can keep up with my timeline the story should reach Season Seven by the New Year.

Chapter Seven: "We already déjà'd this vu."

Tara had gone to sleep, barely having said a word since the four girls arrived at home. Something had put her in a rotten mood and Willow was just going to stay hands off about it until morning. There was a bigger pot of turmoil roiling around down the hall. She knew that, once again, Buffy wasn't sleeping. After that confession in song and dance she couldn't put off their confrontation any longer.

"Hey." The Slayer turned over at sound of Willow's voice, pulling herself into a sitting position. She had wanted Giles to be the first to hear the full story from her, but Willow had been the one who'd been bugging her for the truth. This conversation was a long time coming. Buffy didn't know if she'd be able to get through it without yelling at her. "Can't sleep?"

"What else is new?" She said wearily. Willow fidgeted, waiting in the doorway to see if Buffy was amenable to her presence. "Come in."

The witch came closer as her friend moved to the edge of the bed. There was an uncomfortable silence while the two pondered how to begin.

"What you sang, I think I have an idea what that was about." Willow said tentatively. "It was about what the guide told you, right?"

Buffy sighed. It occurred to her that the past months had pushed the best friends apart physically as well as emotionally. Before the visions Willow would have probably sat down next to her while they talked. Now she was too nervous to get within arm's reach of her.

"More than that." She confessed. "Death was supposed to be my gift…"

"Death fighting Glory?" Willow asked for clarification.

"Death to save Dawn."

Reluctantly Buffy explained what she had pieced together over the past half year. She censored the story in places, and didn't put forward her more recent conclusion that Willow had resurrected her. She wasn't ready to reveal that much.

Willow wasn't shocked; they had been through enough weirdness that visions of a divergent timeline seemed a completely reasonable thing to be discussing. She had no idea why Buffy had been getting them, but it likely had something to do with being the focus of that spell that had created the thaumogenesis demon. It fit considering that the dreams had stopped after Buffy slayed it. What didn't make sense was why the Slayer had been keeping it to herself.

"So, you saw what would have happened if you did die. I'm sorry, I still don't understand. Why didn't you tell us?"

"It's not just what would have happened, it's what _did_ happen." She had already explained this once, but it still sounded crazy to say out loud. "Then something, like a spell, changed it." The look of confusion on Willow's face softened. "I just didn't want to burden you all with it. You might have tried to put the world back, and it shouldn't be." That was partially true. On some level she had been worried declaring the world "wrong" would spark her friends on to try and fix it. But after considering what it would mean for them, it seemed less likely…

"Why would we do that?" The little witch's voice trembled with fear and anger. "Buffy if you were dead- why we would want to put it back?"

_Exactly_. "Right. Of course you wouldn't have."_ Why should I expect anything else?_ Feeling disgusted at her friends for an act of love sometimes made her disgusted at herself. Buffy left her explanation there.

…

"Ahn, honey?" The blonde was wide awake, staring at the ceiling with a frown. "Are you still mad about the demon summoning?"

"No. I mean yes, I'm still mad about that," Anya corrected herself, "But that's not what I'm thinking about." She rolled over to face Xander. "Aren't you wondering about Buffy's lyrics?"

He shrugged, propping himself up on one arm. "I don't know. They didn't make much sense to me. The 'world is fake'? Did she mean that this is, like, an alternate reality or something?"

"An alternate reality isn't fake, it's just different. But sometimes they come into existence from a spell, like say, a wish to a helpful demon." She said with a small smile. He nodded, remembering. That was what had brought Anya to them in the first place. "That would fit with 'only by some spell that I live'. Tara told me Buffy's been acting odd since the fight with Glory." Her face creased into a frown again. "Or maybe even earlier, since that vision quest with the enchanted prairie dog."

Xander sighed. "Well, I don't really get what it was about, but she was definitely upset. Maybe we should spend more time with her, you know, jolly her out of it."

"Whatever she was singing about, she didn't want us to know about it. You really think she wants to be 'jollied out of it'?"

"It's better than doing nothing and having these weird vibes between us. Sometimes I look at her and I'm scared that she's going use me as a training dummy, without the padding."

It wasn't going to be simple, but they had to make the effort. Together they'd try to get their little dysfunctional family back to what passed for normal on the Hellmouth. Buffy was too dear a friend for them not to.

…

Spike grumbled, rubbing his face. He could feel the wounds left by his incendiary excursion, and he was sure if he could see his reflection he'd be treated to a gruesome visage. That was a fair punishment for charging off into danger like that. What had he really changed yesterday? Well, he'd avoided telling to Buffy to get away from him, which was a positive. But then he'd left before their kiss. Part of it was probably to do with his vanity; the burn ward look wasn't the most dashing appearance to present her with. More than that though, he didn't want to start on the wrong foot this time. She hadn't been ready to accept him yet, and if her actions last night were any indication he'd have many more opportunities to kiss her very soon. He might just have to wait until he was healed up.

There was something odd going on he couldn't quite puzzle out that had nothing to do with Buffy, near as he could tell. All day long he'd had the Guy Fawkes Day rhyme stuck in his head.

"_Remember, remember, the fifth of November…" _

Tomorrow _was _the fifth. Guy Fawkes Day had been his favorite holiday ever since he became a vampire. With the microchip he wouldn't be able to celebrate in his preferred fashion, a bonfire made of drained victims. He'd wondered if there was some significance to this day beyond the holiday, but his notes didn't give him much to go on.

_Loan shark comes to collect his debts, but I didn't borrow from him this time. Buffy's depressed 'cause the Watcher skips town like all the other men in her life, and goes to the Bronze. Then we snog again… All good. Don't see what I'm supposed to be remembering. _

Any further wondering was cut short when Dawn entered the crypt, looking around hesitantly.

"What are you doing here platelet?" He said wearily. "You've been kidnapped twice this week; I can't imagine Buffy and the witches are too keen to let you go wandering about on your own."

"They know where I am." She replied. "If I'm not back in time they're going to send a search party, don't worry."

He chuckled softly at that. Apparently he had earned more of the group's trust than he thought.

"You'll pardon my appearance, wasn't expecting company." He said ruefully. Dawn frowned, concerned.

"Those look pretty bad. I thought vampires had like, super healing powers."

"Oh we do. But the healing works best when aided by blood. Human blood." Spike looked at the young girl darkly, hoping his message was clear. He didn't want her to forget what he was; Dawn had shown on Halloween that she was getting far too comfortable with vampires as companions.

She swallowed nervously, hoping he couldn't see. "Well, there are other ways you could heal. I read about this ointment you can make with stuff they have at the Magic Box." Giles and Anya did their best to keep her from getting into the store's stock, but she was sure she could nab what they needed without them noticing. After all, she'd had lots of practice. "Giles is having us all meet up after school tomorrow. You could come by and pick up the stuff then."

The wounded vampire almost barked his laugh. "Right, and I suppose they'll just let me help myself."

"You got hurt saving me and Buffy." She protested. "You save us all the time. We owe you at least that much."

Spike gave in and promised to drop by for the ingredients. Once Dawn was appeased he urged her to hurry home to keep them both out of trouble. The rhyme kept itching in the back of his mind the rest of the day and night, but he never did come up with an explanation.

…

The day was a quiet one for the witches of Revello Drive. While they were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner Willow took advantage of their extended proximity to break the silence. News of the meaning behind Buffy's moodiness brought out enough of Tara's compassion to overcome the tension between her and her girlfriend. At least for a time. The tension came to a head when Willow suggested a solution. She knew there were still things Buffy hadn't told her, but she was tired of waiting and skirting around the issue. She wanted her best friend back.

"If I use the right spell, I can fix this." She asserted.

"No. No more spells." Tara was tired too. She had been a timid mouse, afraid to confront Willow because of the damage it might do to their relationship. But leaving it unsaid was far worse.

"Then what? She's been like this for half a year." Willow said desperately. "She's not getting better, and it… it might be my fault."

"How could it be your fault?"

"When I went into Buffy's mind, I could have done something, hurt her somehow. I just want to fix it."

"Then why would you use another spell?" Tara asked in frustration. "You know how powerful magic is, how dangerous. You just said it could have been magic that hurt Buffy in the first place. Or you could hurt yourself."

"But this wouldn't be like that." The redhead said to reassure her. "I know a spell that will make her forget she ever saw the other world."

"God what is wrong with you?" She slammed the dishwasher shut to punctuate her shout. Willow was torn between wanting to reach out and touch Tara to calm her, and wanting to flinch back at the raw anger. "Is that how you're going to fix everything now?"

"Tara…"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Her voice was low and full of pain. "I know you used that spell on me."

So she had found out somehow. She fumbled her apology, wondering how that had happened. "Tara, I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't. Just… don't. There's nothing you can say."

That wasn't an order she could obey. "Tara, I didn't mean to-"

"To what? Violate my mind like that?" The anger gave way to a deep sadness, one that broke Willow's heart to hear from her dearest. "How could you Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?"

"Violate you?" She didn't think what she had done was _that _severe, but she quickly corrected her tone. If Tara felt that hurt then she couldn't sound dismissive. What Glory had done to Tara was what had made her so terrified of fighting in the first place. "I… I didn't mean anything like that. I-I just wanted us not to fight anymore. I love you."

Tara sighed in exasperation. "If you don't want to fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear."

"But I—I just wanted to make things better… better for us."

"But _you _don't get to decide what's better for us, Will. We're in a relationship. We're supposed to decide together."

"Okay. I realize that I-I did it wrong."

"You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you..." She sighed again. "You don't even consider the options. You just- you just do a spell. It's not good for you Willow. And it's not what magic is for."

"But I-I just wanna help people."

"Maybe that's how it started but, you're helping yourself now, fixing things to _your _liking. Including me."

"Tara, no."

Willow's mouth hung open, scarcely believing what she was hearing. Didn't Tara know that she was perfect in her eyes? Tara just looked at the floor, struggling to speak. She'd never have imagined that the words she was about say would pass her lips.

"I don't think this is gonna work."

"Hey. It is. It-It's working." Willow's voice shook as Tara looked down again. "Tara, please. I-I need you baby. I told you, I need you more than anything, way more than magic. Please believe me."

The blonde shook her head. "You say that but…"

"Let me prove it to you then. I-I will go a month, without doing any magic. I-I won't do a single spell, I swear."

She nodded.

"Go a week." As soft hearted as she was, she couldn't subject her love to a month cold turkey right away. "One week without magic."

"Fine. Fine. That's easy." Something inside the younger witch cried out in panic. She tried to slow the racing of her heart. She could do this. For Tara. Anything for Tara.

"Go a week, and then we'll see." She wanted so terribly to see Willow match her words with her actions. Until then though, their relationship was on shaky ground. She had to make things clear if they were going to work through it. "I don't know, I just… I think we both need some, I don't know, space." Tara breathed heavily, wishing she didn't have to see the distraught look on Willow's face. "I can't believe I'm saying this."

"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?" That couldn't happen. They were supposed to be for always.

"I don't want to Will." Her voice was choked. "You have no idea how much I don't want to. But I have to know that I can trust you."

…

Willow shifted restlessly after they turned off the lights. She couldn't sleep without Tara's arms around her another night. _Just a week, _she kept repeating to herself, _Just one week and everything will be good again. _The more she repeated her mantra, the greater her dread became. A whole week without magic; an entire week of mundane, agonizingly slow magic-free existence. A whole week without the warmth of her lover's body, or the sight of her crooked smile. It was too much.

When she had offered to go a month, she had meant it. In her head the promise would ease Tara's worries and pain and they could be reconciled. But waiting for it, without even a single spell to distract her, that was more than Willow could survive. A dark thought came to her. There was always another way…

…

The next day Buffy finally went to see the man she knew she should have told about her dilemma first. Unfortunately, he had some unwelcome news of his own. An open plane ticket to London. She was shocked that Giles would leave her even after hearing what she'd seen, but he was infuriatingly calm about the whole thing.

"Buffy, these visions are clearly disturbing but, I'm not sure what you want me to do about them." He said apologetically. "If you think the world is best left as it is, which I agree, then what is there to be done? I'm afraid you'll just have to make the best of it."

"The best of what?" She said angrily. "Hating my friends for wanting me alive? Not understanding why I wish I wasn't? Knowing that everything around me is only the way is it because of some cosmic hiccup?"

Giles lowered his head, folding his hands in his lap before meeting his Slayer's gaze again. "It's terrible, I understand that. But if your feelings aren't part of a spell then there's nothing I can do. You'll have to mend your bridges the hard way." Buffy knew he was right. It was going to be harder than slaying though. "As for your visions, I'm not entirely convinced that they're, well, real." He said hesitantly, cautious of insulting his charge. He was right to be hesitant.

"God, why does nobody trust me when I say I have a bad feeling until it's too late?" She paced, gesturing as she ranted. "'Why don't you like your mom's new boyfriend Buffy? He's such a nice guy… Oh wait! He's a killer robot.' 'Your roommate's not evil Buffy, that's crazy. Whoops, she's a soul sucking demon. Didn't see that coming, again.'" She faced him squarely. "Don't tell me my instincts are wrong. I know what I saw is real." He didn't waver. Buffy let her shoulders slump down, feeling weak. "Why do you have to leave now?"

Giles wanted to console her, but he had to be firm.

"I've taught you all I can about being the Slayer, and your mother taught you what you needed to know about life. You're not going to trust that until you're forced to stand alone."

She knew she might be grasping at straws, but she had to try every tactic should think of to get him to stay. "What about the others? They need you too. Willow, she could get into some really dark magic if you weren't around. That spell she used to bring me back, in the other world? Totally black arts."

"Did I stop her?"

That wasn't the response Buffy had been expecting. "What?"

"Did I stop Willow from doing the resurrection spell in the other world?" He asked plainly.

"No… but…"

"Then I don't know why you'd expect me to control her here." Giles was concerned about the precocious young witch, but he expected her to remain sensible and not cross any lines. "I'm sure if she were in any real danger of going overboard Tara would stop her."

Buffy's last argument had been shot down. Anything more and she'd just be begging and pleading.

"Why now?"

"Buffy I've thought this over and over. To be honest I've been thinking about it for over a year now. You've come incredibly far in that time, and I've seen you accomplish feats no one else has." His pride couldn't be concealed. "You don't need me to keep on the path you're walking. This is just me stepping aside so that you can be your own person. I believe it's the right thing to do."

…

Xander and Willow arrived at the Magic Box last, completing the group. Dawn had already put together a bag of supplies for Spike and hid them under the table in the side room. Luckily for her everyone else was too caught up in their own thoughts to notice. Giles cleared his throat before addressing them.

"I'm glad you're here. Um…" He looked awkwardly to Buffy. "I have something I really have to tell you all. I know it may seem sudden, but I've been considering this for a long time…"

Buffy got up from her perch on the ladder.

"Why don't you just jump to the chase. Tell them that you're leaving."

There was a chorus of questions and protests. Giles relented and explained, assuring Anya that the store would be left to her to manage. As the group discussed the Watcher's departure, the crystal in Willow's pouch began to glow green. At the Summers' house, a stray ember wafted out of the fireplace, igniting the bag of Lethe's bramble that had been left there in the witch's haste. One by one they collapsed. When they woke again, it was night.

…

While the group rose from their enchantment, another victim of the spell was awaking in the basement. He gazed at his bizarre surroundings, disoriented. The man got to his feet and felt hot pain all along his skin. He winced and doubled over for a minute.

"Hello? Anyone there?" He called out. There were voices coming from upstairs. Slowly he made his way up the steps.

…

After a few minutes wondering where they were and how they had lost their memories, the amnesiacs got the idea to checking their pockets for identification. Most of them turned out to have ID cards, though one girl was a bit surprised by the name on hers.

"Buffy Summers." The younger girl with the "Dawn" necklace snorted.

"Oh, like the buffy coat layer in a blood test." The redhead said in recognition. The others blinked at her. "I guess I know about stuff like that, huh."

"What are you laughing about?" Buffy asked Dawn, a bit peeved.

"Come on you have to admit it. Buffy? That's a pretty terrible name." The teen said mockingly.

"Shut up _Umad. _Boy you're a pain in the…"

"Boy, you're bossy…"

They both stopped and looked at each other, feeling a kinship in their bickering.

"Do you think we're-"

"Sisters?"

They giggled and hugged in joy while the others found out more about their own identities. It seemed Rupert and Anya owned the shop together, and Anya came to the conclusion she must be his daughter. Possibly step-daughter, with her lack of an accent. Willow and Alex suspected they might be boyfriend and girlfriend, though Alex was unsure he could have bagged someone that cute and smart.

Buffy broke out of her sisterly hug when she heard a voice calling out for someone. "There's someone else here." They followed her towards the door the call was coming from. A bleached blonde man in a black leather duster came out, covered in partly healed burn wounds. Dawn gasped at the sight.

"Oh my god…"

"What happened to you?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know," he answered fearfully, "I woke up in the basement, and I couldn't remember anything." He took in the sound of his voice and frowned, repeating a few words back to himself to check his theory. "Rubbish, wanker, posh, arse… Bloody hell, I think I'm English."

"Good to know I'm not alone in that." Rupert said. "I'm afraid we can't remember anything either."

"But we found out that this a magic shop." Anya added. "It could have been a spell. That doesn't explain why you're all crispy though."

"Do you have an ID, like a driver's license maybe?" Willow asked the blonde man. He checked his pockets and the lining of his jacket, but didn't find anything.

"Nope. Nothing."

"I could name you." Anya offered with a smile. "You look like a Billy to me."

He scowled at the sound of that. Something about that name rubbed him the wrong way. "Or I could call myself something that doesn't make me sound like a poofter. Like… Jack." He smiled. "Yeah, Jack. Ow." The smiling caused the burns on his face to remember to be painful.

"You're looking pretty bad." Alex said in concern.

"We n-need to get to a hospital." Tara piped up. "We need to get our memories back."

"You're right." Buffy agreed. "Even if they can't fix our heads, Jack needs to see a doctor, soon."

They all concurred and followed her out the front door. Willow tripped on the curb as they crossed the street, but Tara caught her before she fell. They smiled at each other, and when their eyes met they couldn't look away. The girls held on for just a little too long before continuing on.

None of them remembered where the hospital was of course, so they kept searching until they found a convenience store that was still open. Rupert and Anya went inside to get directions while the others waited outside. Willow fidgeted, unsure of how to explain what she was feeling. She felt like she had to though. Alex seemed familiar and comfortable, and she was sure that they meant something to each other. But it wasn't fair to let him think they might be close _that _way; not if what she suspected was true.

"Um, Alex?" He looked over at her after a minute's delay, still getting used to the sound of his name. "I know what we said before about the coat and all, but, I don't think we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Or if we are, we probably shouldn't be."

Alex was crestfallen. "Why not? Am I ugly? I had a feeling I might be ugly…"

She waved her hand dismissively. "No, you're, cute, and all that. Just…" Willow couldn't get those blue eyes out of her head, the soft touch of her hands, or the way her pulse pounded when the girl smiled at her. "… I think I'm kinda gay."

He soaked in her declaration and a goofy grin took his face. "Cool." Willow frowned at that, not certain if she should be offended.

…

They were nearing the hospital when they came to an unusual road block. There was a medical supply truck stopped across both lanes, rear door hanging wide open. Four figures surrounded the truck's open back, one hunched over a fifth figure sprawled out on the pavement. Buffy motioned for them to slow down. They were close enough for her to see that the figure on the ground was bleeding profusely, the person crouched over them lapping at the body's neck. Unfortunately, being close enough to see them meant that the amnesiacs were close enough to be seen.

"Spike!" One of the truck's apparent hijackers shouted. Now that the strange people were looking their way Buffy's party could see their horribly monstrous faces. The woman who had shouted at them bared her teeth, revealing sharp fangs. "You bastard, you'll pay for what you did to Jerry!"

Even without their memories, none of them needed to be told just what these creatures were. Vampires. Buffy's hand reached into her leather jacket on instinct. She felt something wooden tucked inside. _Spike… a spike? _The other vampires were rallying to their leader, dropping the crates of blood bags they were stealing.

"Get them!" With that order the monsters ran at them. The leader almost bowled Jack over, but Buffy pushed her off before she could bite him.

"You stay away from Jack!" To her amazement she threw the vampire like she was made of cotton. _I'm strong… wicked strong. _Realizing that she stood a chance in a fight against the creatures, she pulled out her spike and faced down the fanged woman. "Run! I'll hold them off!" Aside from Jack the others complied, forming a protective line behind Dawn as they fled. One of the vampires broke off to chase them, hunger glinting in his yellow eyes.

Jack was stunned. This Buffy girl had super strength. No wonder she fancied herself the leader of this intrepid crew. Another of the vampires came at him and slugged him in the face. Jack bit his tongue and growled angrily. He uppercutted the beast and it staggered back, wounded.

"Hey, I'm super-strong too!"

Buffy had already spiked two of the vampires into dust. The one Jack had hit muttered to himself and ran off in fear. Jack looked at Buffy to see if she'd be pleasantly surprised.

The wooden spike dropped from her hand as she froze in shock. Jack was one of _them. _She shrieked and sprinted away.

"Buffy!" He called to her uselessly. He set off in pursuit, baffled by her reaction.

…

As Jack chased Buffy, the surviving vampire chased the other six companions. They ended up herded into an alley with bits of old construction material lying around. The monster pounced on Rupert, tackling him to the ground. Anya thought desperately for a way to save him and her intuition told her what to do. She grabbed a pointed piece of wood and drove it through the center of the vampire's back.

As the cloud of dust rose Alex blocked it from reaching Dawn with his tall body, unsure if breathing it in would make them sick. Tara similarly covered Willow, and backed her against the wall of one of the surrounding buildings. Something clattered to the ground as she pushed her.

Realizing the danger was past, Tara looked into Willow's emerald eyes and could feel herself being pulled in. She pressed slightly closer, silently asking the redhead's permission to stay. Willow nodded, feeling incredibly drawn to the woman before her. She parted her lips unconsciously as Tara brushed a lock of hair out of her face. The blonde leaned in closer, her own lips open, and Willow nodded once again to invite her in.

…

Meanwhile Jack had finally caught up with Buffy a few streets over. She took his arms and flipped him to the ground before he could come any closer.

"Oh bloody hell!" He exclaimed as she straddled him to keep him from getting away. "What are you doing?"

"You don't know who you are." She said in surprise.

"Right. None of us do. We were fighting-"

"You're a vampire." Buffy interrupted him.

"How can you say…? I? Me, a vampire? No."

"Check the lumpies. And the teeth." She instructed him.

Jack moved his fingers gently over his forehead, his teeth, and finally felt for a pulse. There was none.

"I kill your kind." Killing the monsters had felt immediately familiar. Somehow she knew she was made for this.

"And I bite yours." Jack agreed. "So, how come I don't want to bite you? And why am I fighting other vampires?" He paused, and leaned up after having a thought. "I must be a noble vampire. A good guy on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I'm a vampire with a soul."

"A vampire with a soul?" She scoffed at the absurdity. "Oh my god. How lame is that?"

"Oh you can laugh." Jack said as Buffy got up to let him move. "But I bet I'm a real hero. I probably got these burns on some kind of deadly quest. Like… a trial to save a woman dying of some incurable illness…" She rolled her eyes as he theorized about all the adventures he must spend his nights engaged in.

…

The kiss pushed every thought and fear from the girls' heads. It felt right, it felt like completion. Tara pressed tighter against Willow and the smaller girl took a step back with her left leg. There was a small crunch, and then it all came rushing back to the eight enchanted friends.

Tara pulled back violently, almost shoving Willow into the brick wall in disgust. They looked at each other for a long time as the others came back to themselves. Eventually they went their separate ways, not able to speak. Giles headed to his apartment to pick up his suitcases. Any long goodbyes and his resolve might break. Anya and Xander watched the speechless witches for a while before heading home themselves. Tara was the last to leave the alley, holding back sobs as the pain of her lover's betrayal cut through her.

…

Buffy and Spike decided to head back to the Magic Box to see if the others were regrouping there.

"What was that vamp going on about earlier?" She asked him. "Who's Jerry?"

"A vampire I nicked some money from a few nights ago." Buffy just stared at him, her look letting him know she didn't buy that as the whole story. "I might have… caused him to end up in a bar fight with a demon. You know, to the death." Really all he had done was tap Jerry on the shoulder, throw a punch at the demon, and then step to the side so when the demon turned around he saw Jerry instead of him… Buffy shook her head. It was Spike after all.

The Magic Box was empty. "I guess they all went home." She sighed, knowing that she'd likely seen the last of her mentor for a long time. Buffy wished they could have at least had a proper goodbye, but maybe he was right. Maybe she did need to stand on her own. She pondered the coming months with dread. It would be the first time in her life she truly had no adults to turn to. Ready for it or not, she had to learn to be an adult herself.

Spike looked around before finding the bag Dawn had prepared for him.

"Guess I should be heading out too." He said with a glance to the basement stairs. Buffy looked at Spike's marred flesh, at the wounds he had received trying to protect her loved one.

"Why do you do it?" She asked with a guilty heart.

"Do what?"

"All of it. Looking after Dawn, patrolling, listening to my whining. Why do you do it? Is it to impress me?"

"Is it working?" He asked jokingly. Buffy nearly groaned, wanting a real answer.

It wasn't a question with one answer. The demon in Spike growled out its response; _So you'll give me what I've earned, you ungrateful bitch. _The other part of him, the part that still remembered bits of William, had its own reasoning. _Because Dawn is like a little sister to me. Because I'm a fool for love. _

"Because I can't stand seeing you in pain." He said looking straight into her hazel eyes. Her heart was starting to pound. "I thought I told you that."

"You did." She said softly, and wrapped her arms around him to draw them into a deep kiss.

Spike tasted like cigarettes, liquor, and blood. He was cool in her mouth and just the tiniest bit rough with her. He was death and sex and she couldn't even believe how badly she had been wanting this. His hands only pulled her tighter against him, not roaming too far or pushing any boundaries. She could feel his strength and let herself embrace him without holding back her power, something she rarely had the chance to do. Spike wasn't fragile, he was firm, and he wouldn't leave her.

The Slayer was just as sweet and as raw as Spike remembered. The kiss was familiar yet new at the same time. Her desire and heat were as strong as ever, but her pain and loneliness were only a fraction of what they been last time she had come to him. He had to restrain himself from tossing her onto the table and having his way with her then and there, he had been waiting so long. But he wanted it to last this time, it was why he had been so careful, and been so damn patient. Besides, most of the time Buffy preferred to do the throwing.

It was a long while before they separated, returning to their homes without a word. Whatever their relationship had just become, it would remain unspoken for now.

…

Tara took the last box of her things to the porch and found Dawn leaning against a column, waiting for her. Her face showed nothing but cold anger. The witch tried to reach out to comfort her young friend but the teenager stormed off into the house. Dawn had cried when her father left; she had cried for days. This time she wasn't going to cry. She was just mad; mad at Tara for leaving, mad at Willow for hurting her, mad at everyone else for not seeing the trouble brewing before it was too late.

Buffy saw a taxi pulling out of their driveway as she arrived home. Her sister was waiting at the top of the steps, having watched the cab drive off.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked, confused.

"Tara left." Dawn said, her voice like ice. "She's gone back to the dorms."

The Slayer didn't have time to ask why. Her mind was focused on just one thought. _Willow. _She found the tiny girl slumped against the counter in the bathroom, lips quivering and tears spilling out one at a time. At that moment none of the betrayal or disgust she felt from the resurrection mattered. Her best friend was in pain, and she would overcome her own to help her. Buffy kneeled beside Willow and took her in her arms.

She just sobbed for what felt to the witch like hours before trying to stand up. They went to the hallway together and Willow looked to the room she and Tara shared. Had shared.

"Buffy, I… I can't sleep there tonight. I can't." She said half choked.

"It's okay," Buffy whispered to her as she rubbed her friend's back.

Willow settled onto the couch and Buffy brought her pillows and a blanket as she tried to stop crying. She could barely even murmur out her thanks. She had been so determined not to lose Tara, and now she had lost her by trying to hold on too tight. She had lost everything. Willow curled into a ball and waited for morning to come, sleep being out of her reach.

…

Author's (Other) Notes: God I can still not watch the end of "Tabula Rasa" with the sound on, it just makes me too sad. There's no real significance to Spike calling himself Jack, except maybe as a reference to Jack the Brujah from the computer game Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines. Spike would totally be a Brujah if he were a Vampire the Masquerade vampire.

I've laid out a plan for the Angel characters and I'm going to start a spinoff for them once this story gets to the end of Angel Season Five. It'll be darker than this, but I'm really excited about it.

rorogers: Will do! Expect some other changes and a weird path to a happy ending for Fred and Wes though.

Forever-Furuba: "Under Your Spell" took me the longest to finish, and I'm glad you think it turned out well. Anya's become my favorite character to write. When I started the story I was worried that she'd be hard to fit into the scenes, but then she started popping up even when I didn't expect her to. I won't confirm or deny any foreshadowing, but there has been some (about other things) in most of the chapters.

Sheeshasan: Thank you so much. I played the soundtrack while I commuted to get the melodies in my head. It took a few weeks to get them out again.

spiked-love: All good things in time ;)


	10. Chapter Eight: Uprooted

Author's Notes: This is a shorter update, and like "Smashed" leads into "Wrecked" it is mostly to set up the next chapter. There's a big change at the end, but given the difference in this timeline I think it's appropriate. Don't worry; it won't be long until we get there. Trigger warning for Spike's thoughts in this chapter; He's still got a monster in him.

I'm glad people are liking the Spuffy, but I hope some of you are also Tillow (that's the abbreviation, right?) fans, since I clearly spend a lot of time on them too. This story is turning out to be as much about the friendships between the gang as the three romances, particularly Buffy/Willow and Spike/Dawn. That's only fitting; family and friends are just as important as significant others.

Chapter Eight: Uprooted

Spike had realized what his subconscious had been telling him soon after Willow's spell was broken. _Remember, remember, the fifth of November. Witchcraft, treason, plot. _He wasn't quite sure why he had forgotten that they were going to forget, but he chalked it up to the vagaries of magic. Magic was unpredictable, especially when performed by that little redhead. Hopefully none of his other memories from before the time travel had been lost, but aside from that November fifth had worked out great for him.

The next few nights Buffy would inevitably run into him on patrol. At first she would act like nothing had happened between them and they'd simply go hunt down demons together. But after a couple of kills she'd always end up back in his arms, kissing him hungrily. She'd never bring up what it meant to her, and while Spike enjoyed making out the demonic side of him was impatient for more. He took a swing at her one night while she was distracted, and the instant migraine confirmed his chip still worked on this Buffy. He wasn't sure what it would take to escalate things without being able to fight her, and it was frustrating having to hold back when he knew just how to please her, if only she'd let him further in. Still, he didn't pressure Buffy to explain herself; he knew that was a quick way to piss her off.

Buffy didn't know what was happening. Was she acting out loneliness, horniness, some weird obligation to repay him for protecting Dawn? She did her best not to think about it. Kissing Spike certainly helped her brain shut off. When she was with him she didn't have to miss Giles, wonder about the other timeline, hate her friends or even worry about being the Slayer. Maybe that was the real reason; it took her away from herself, let her feel something positive even if was just lust. She wasn't ready to confront this… whatever it was yet. For now all she could do was go with the flow and let herself forget the world for little while each night.

…

A few nights after moving out found Tara visiting her friends Caitlin and Miss Kitty to ease her isolation. The other Scoobies had been understanding about her need to leave; even Dawn had calmed down and had assured her that she still wanted to go out with her for their movie and shake days. But even with their support, she knew that Willow was a longer standing and more firmly entrenched member of the group. Spending time with the others would eventually mean having to spend time with Willow. She couldn't be around her yet, not for a long time.

Caitlin was stunned by the whole situation. Tara had filled her in on the whole sordid tale and the brunette witch could hardly believe one of her mentors would behave so recklessly.

"I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you." Caitlin said in an attempt to reassure her older friend. "Willow's so crazy about you… No way she'd ever want to make you upset."

Tara sighed as she stroked the black and white cat curled in her lap. "No. She was so determined not to make me upset she went and hurt me more. It's not about that."

"It's about the magic, right?" Tara nodded. "Well, are you sure leaving was the right thing then?" The blonde glared at her in shock. "You guys stayed by me when my spell went wrong."

The Wiccan shuddered at the memory. Caitlin had cast a spell well beyond her means and summoned the goddess Morrigan to protect her. Unfortunately Morrigan took protection to mean: kill anyone who might hurt Caitlin in the future. It had taken the combined powers of Tara, Willow and entire Wicca group to cast the goddess out.

"That was different. If your spell had gone the way you intended, you just would have been safe from harm. It's good that Willow's spell went wrong." Miss Kitty could feel Tara's anger and stopped purring. "If it hadn't I w-wouldn't have even remembered what she'd done to me, and gone on being happy and clueless."

"But if Willow's using magic unsafely she needs someone to talk her out of it, right?"

Tara shook her head. "I tried. I tried for months, and I didn't get through to her. She couldn't even go one week." She set her jaw, willing her tear ducts to stay dry. "If she wants my help, she'll have to come to me."

…

The redhead in question was watching a movie with Xander at his apartment. Neither of them was paying much attention to the film, Willow being too busy thinking about not thinking of Tara and Xander was too frustrated that his best friend was pretending nothing was wrong. Since her night on the couch she had been going around with a fake smile plastered on her face and he could tell her separation from her girlfriend was eating her up inside.

"You know Will," he said with an uncharacteristically serious tone, "You can talk about this if you need to. I'm not going to judge, or tell you what to do. I can just listen."

"Talk about what?" She asked, her pitch slightly too high. "I'm doing fine Xand. Hanging out with best guy pal, munching popcorn, watching flicks. What's not fine with that?"

In her mind Willow knew she was in the Denial phase of grieving over her damaged relationship with Tara. On Halloween it had been Anger, the night before the spell it had been Bargaining, and after Tara left it had been Depression. Now she was back to Denial like she had been since the second time Tara told her was frightened of her magic.

Xander groaned silently. He often thanked the gods he'd never had a break up as horrible as Willow and Oz's or Buffy's with Angel and Riley. Still, he knew to some degree what his friend was going through. Xander would always remember how it felt after Cordelia fell on that metal rebar; the flowers, the dozens of ignored phone calls, and most of all the guilt that made him feel like his side had been pierced too. If Willow wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of what she'd done, there was little he could do to help her.

"Well, whenever you need a shoulder, come to me first."

…

Tara waited for a time she knew Anya would be alone in the Magic Box before doing something she had been putting off. To her ex-demon friend's dismay, she had to quit.

"I-I'm sorry, I know Giles just left, so the timing is bad but…" Tara pursed her lips before taking a deep breath. "I can't be around Willow right now."

"Don't worry about the store, I'm more than capable of running things without Giles, or anyone else." Anya said proudly. She bared her teeth in a snarl. "If anyone should be quitting it's Willow. She's already gotten too much of this magic stuff into her system."

Tara didn't say anything to that. It was the naked truth, delivered starkly as only Anya could.

"If I still had my powers I'd enact vengeance on her for you." The store owner continued, trying to cheer up her friend. "I don't usually put vengeance on women, but she deserves it after what she did to you. This is all academic of course, because like I said, I don't have any powers." A bright idea came to her. "Oh! You have powers. You could curse her, see how she likes having spells cast on her without consent."

"W-what?" The blonde witch said as her eyes widened in horror. "N-no! I love her. I don't want to see her hurt, o-or harmed in any way." Anya looked back at her in confusion. "I want her to realize what's she's doing is wrong, and dangerous. And… to stop before someone gets more than their feelings hurt."

"You always were a softie." Anya said shaking her head. "You're way too good for Willow. If losing you wasn't a big enough kick in the ass to make her stop being irresponsible then I don't know what would be."

Tara gave her a weary smile, knowing her angry ranting was just Anya's way of showing she cared.

"I'll watch her like an eagle." The ex-demon said firmly. "I'm not letting her mess around with anything from my store. You can count on that."

…

A couple weeks into November Buffy roughed up a pair of "vampires" who turned out to be muggers. Spike just watched and clapped after she sent them on their way. Again she was drawn to him, and she still wouldn't let herself examine why.

She came in after patrol to hear Willow talking to someone. She called up to her, but got no reply. Buffy went to Willow's room to find her laying back on the fully made bed in her clothes.

"Hey. How you doin'?" Buffy wasn't fooled by the forced smiles. With her Slayer senses she could still hear the nights Willow cried herself to sleep.

"Oh, um, okay." Willow pushed herself off the pillows as Buffy sat beside her. She knew the other girl would be less likely to buy the "everything's fine" line than Xander.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Not parades and cotton candy, but okay."

Buffy played with her sleeve. Since the memory wipe and her subsequent comforting of Willow she'd been able to push past the disgust and get back into best friend mode, or a near approximation. Right now she needed someone to talk about her confused feelings for Spike. If there was anyone who knew about the allure and dangers of illicit kissing, it was Willow.

"Will, um, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course."

"Right, okay. Um… do you think it's wrong to…" She heard the bathroom room door open and a woman walk in. "Oh, Tara, hey-" When she looked up, she saw it was a different blonde witch. "Amy?" The surprise of seeing her former classmate in human form after three years as Willow's pet knocked her worries about Spike right out of her brain.

"The whole school?" Amy asked Willow, almost angrily. The other magic user nodded, having given her old friend time in the bathroom to adjust to the news. "By a giant snake thing?" Amy nodded to herself this time, seeming numb with shock. "Okay, still adjusting. Hi Buffy."

"Hi." The Slayer had no Earthly idea what to say to the now ex-rodent. "How've you been?"

"Rat. You?"

"Killing things." _And dying, only not. _

"Oh." Amy's voice was eerily high pitched.

"Well, I should let you guys catch up, I can…" She began to get up from the bed but Amy urged her not to.

"No no no no. Stay. Do you have any cookies?" She asked, eyes glinting with hunger.

"Uh, yeah. What kind?"

"Any kind. Not cheese." She added darkly.

"Um, sure. In the-the kitchen. I'll just get 'em." Buffy wanted some excuse to extricate herself from the awkwardness. Amy was walking for the door first though.

"No no. I'll grab them."

"Okay, well, um, at least you know, let me make up the coach for you. It's late. You should stay here." She offered. Buffy had never been close with Amy, but the girl was clearly disoriented and needed help.

"Thank you." The witch left for the kitchen, her movements slightly off and her eyes barely blinking.

"Wow!" Buffy exclaimed once Amy was well out of the room.

"I know." Willow had trying for three years to transform Amy back with no success. It astounded her that the solution had come to her so simply. Maybe wanting company badly enough had given her some weird boost of power.

"Is she gonna be okay?" The Slayer asked looking out the door in worry.

"Don't know." Willow answered honestly. "I mean, she's kinda freaked out. But then, I would be too."

"Wow." She felt stupid saying it a second time, but there was really no other word for it. Except maybe "How?", and if Buffy was really honest about her concerns, the words "What kind of dark arts are you playing with now?"

"Yeah, I- I just realized I could. Thought of the right thing and…" Buffy was unnerved to see the first genuine smile since Tara had left cross her friend's face at that. Willow was pretty pleased with herself. Not that she shouldn't be for helping Amy, but it proved how in the grip of own power the redhead was. "It's nice, having another magically inclined friend around." Buffy looked down, hesitant to voice her feelings. Willow's loneliness _was _something she wanted to get better. She shouldn't discourage her from reconnecting with an old friend. "So what were you gonna tell me? You were sounding all serious."

"Huh?" Suddenly Buffy remembered why she had wanted to talk with Willow in the first place. But the girl was dealing with too many things of her own right now. She could tackle how to deal with vampire smooching on her own. "Oh, it's nothing. I mean, the whole Amy-rat-Amy thing, no way I'm topping that."

…

After seeing the news about the freaky jewel heist Buffy made a trip to the museum in time to see the frozen guard being wheeled out. The next day the gang, minus Tara and Dawn who were off on their own outing, went into research mode. It seemed to be going well until Willow pulled out her laptop… and then went inside it with her power to do a search. They all got uncomfortable and Willow acted like she didn't know that what she was doing wrong. For Anya that was the final straw and she chewed the girl's head off. The witch was still in Denialville and left to go check on Amy before the restored witch made any "pellets".

The research didn't feel so urgent, as the security guard had already been thawed and the diamond wasn't supernatural. Xander for one was more concerned about Willow. After several hours he wondered aloud where she might be.

"Out with Amy I guess." Buffy said, wondering how the former rat would do out in the world in her shell-shocked state of mind.

"Great." Anya said with a groan. "Someone to do more magic with."

The Slayer couldn't deny the risk in that. If she hadn't seen the resurrection ritual, she probably wouldn't be as worried. As it was she couldn't be sure Willow was safe without Tara around to anchor her.

"I know. She's been using way too much wooj recently." Buffy agreed. "It's hard to wrap my brain around it sometimes. I mean, it's Willow, she of the level head."

"Well, those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. Responsible types." Anya said sagely.

"I miss when Willow going crazy just meant re-alphabetizing her wardrobe."

"Responsible people are always so concerned with being good all the time that when they finally get a taste of being bad, they can't get enough- it's like all kablooey." And Anya would know. She had been an attentive wife and an upstanding citizen before Olaf's betrayal. Then she got a taste of inflicting righteous pain, and she hadn't been able to stop. She hadn't wanted to.

Buffy winced, thinking of her own recent indiscretions. One kiss with Spike every now and then didn't make her some out of control wild woman, right? She could break it off whenever she chose. "That's not true."

"Okay, not kablooey. More like bam!"

"It's human nature, Buff." Xander chimed in. "Will's getting a taste of something powerful, way bigger than her."

"Yeah, and she was getting out of control with it before Tara left, and now that she's gone…"

"It's gotta be seductive just giving in to it… going totally wild." Xander's words stirred up lurid thoughts in the Slayer's imagination. She _could _break it off whenever she wanted… but it wouldn't be tonight. "We need to keep an eye on her."

Buffy snapped her focus back to the conversation. "Okay. Okay. We'll keep an eye." She fidgeted, eager to get going. "I think we can pick this up later. I'll do a quick patrol tonight and after a good night's sleep, we can solve this tomorrow."

"Optimism. I remember optimism." Anya said wistfully as they got up from the table.

"That's because you're like a thousand." Xander teased her.

"Good night, guys."

"Night." Buffy barely heard the couple's farewell as she left the Magic Box for a certain crypt.

…

It was less than twenty minutes before the Slayer arrived at Spike's tomb. He looked up from his armchair in mild surprise as she opened the door. He hadn't called her, of course. Without the fight to build up to the fucking he didn't foresee this night ending in the spectacular revelation it had before. God he would never forget that night. The way she was looking at him it didn't seem so crazy to think they were about to relive it. He got up and turned off the television.

Dawn's salve had worked like charm, erasing any trace of the burn scars from the vampire's skin. But Spike was sexy with or without wounds. Buffy kept drinking in the sight of him as they walked toward each other.

"And what brings you here tonight pet?"

"I was wondering if you might have a lead on the frost monster thingie." Buffy said, pretending she had come to the crypt to do work. She could fool herself partly at least.

"So that's it?" He asked. "You've come to pump me for information?"

"What else would I want to pump you for?" Her eyes shot open when she realized her poor choice of words. Spike coyly raised an eyebrow, his teasing having the intended effect. "I really just said that didn't I?"

"Sorry to disappoint luv, but if you're just here to talk shop I've nothing to offer. Don't know a thing." He didn't show her the door, as she was still devouring him with her fierce hazel eyes.

"You must know something." Buffy came a step closer. He could feel the heat of her body and smell her desire.

"Do I?" They were almost touching now.

"Show me." She whispered into his open mouth. In seconds she was pressed against him, pulling his cool tongue into her mouth where it danced passionately.

The Slayer was more unrestrained than she had ever been since the wish, wrapping her leg around Spike's hip and snaking her arm under his duster to grab his ass. He instantly did the same, clutching her tightly to his hungry body. He could smell her getting wet as she began to grind against his stiffness.

_Take her! _His demon roared. _Forget what she bloody wants, just take her, now! Fuck her, claw her, drink her, show her you're no neutered dog. _The urge to ravage her was only tempered by his fear that the microchip would stop him if she changed her mind halfway through. That fear seemed farfetched when he felt Buffy's free hand trace over his fly. She was wondering whether to unzip it. He could just let her, and then he'd be thrusting inside her again at long last.

Then she'd wake up in the morning, realize she'd left Dawn alone, and hate him and herself for it. And every time she came to him she'd remember and feel guilty for abandoning her responsibilities. His demon raged at him as he pulled back from her, moving his hand from her bottom to her shoulder blade.

"Is anyone home with Dawn?" Spike asked, fighting his instincts in order to get out the question.

"She was out with Tara." Buffy toyed for a moment with the idea of leaving her sister with the witch and just continuing what they were doing. She grimaced at her own callousness. Tara had done so much for them. Buffy couldn't dump that responsibility on her friend just so she could get her rocks off. No matter how tempting it was. "I should… go home and check on her."

"Right." Spike said, forcing himself to step back from the blonde.

"I'll…" The words hung in the air, the Slayer unsure of what to say in this tense situation. "I'll do that."

The vampire howled after she left, furious at himself for his own pragmaticism. He definitely had to find something to kill.

…

Dawn and Tara were asleep on the couch, television still on when Buffy got home. The girls stirred at the sound of the door and the younger Summers yawned.

"Buffy?" She asked sleepily. Tara looked around, startled at having drifted off.

"W-What time is it?"

"Almost midnight. I was… patrolling." Buffy looked around as well, wondering why there were only two girls instead of four. She couldn't hear anyone but the three of them in the house. "Did, Willow not come back yet?"

"Nope. We haven't seen her all day." Dawn answered. She had been hoping her other surrogate mother would show up and start reconciling with Tara. The older woman wasn't blind to her designs, but cared too much about Dawn's safety to leave. A tiny part of Tara, well, maybe a more than tiny part was disappointed that Willow hadn't come home before the Slayer. It was just as well. She had no idea what she'd say if she had.

"I guess she is out with Amy." Buffy saw Tara look away, hurt in her eyes. "You know, Amy the rat. Willow found a way to turn her back. She's uh, adjusting." Dawn shook her head at Buffy indicating this was not a good topic of discussion. Tara knew that transforming Amy back was a good thing, but it meant that Willow was still delving deeper and deeper into magic. That and it was the realization of one of her fears: that Willow would replace her as a magic partner.

"Good. Good for Amy." The Wiccan stood, giving Dawn a last hug. "I-I should get going. It's really late."

"Right. Do you uh, want me to take you to the dorms or…?" Tara shook her head.

"It's fine." She stood in the doorway, taking one last look at the house that had been the truest home she had ever known. "Good night."

Buffy seemed the only one of Tara's friends who didn't have some opinion on what she should do about Willow. Caitlin thought she should help her, Anya wanted her to seek revenge, and Dawn wanted her to forgive her. Tara couldn't forgive the girl until she actually admitted that she had done wrong. She couldn't help her if she refused to admit she had an addiction. As for vengeance, well, being apart was punishing both of them plenty.

…

Author's (Other) Notes:

Cailin Rua and S1r3h: Very good questions, and those are both clearly important plot points. They'll be answered, but we have a bit more middle to get through before then. I think Spike has grown into a better person by now than he was as of this time in the original Season Six, but he's still acting selfishly. For instance, he could tell Buffy about the nerds and take them out right now but he's waiting to benefit himself.

spiked-love: In the original episode, Spike sees Anya and Giles sleeping on each other and comments, leading them to think they are involved. He wasn't in the room yet this time, so there were any number of conclusions Anya could have come to after finding out she and Rupert own the store together. She's kind of vain and so without prompting could have assumed a middle aged man would be her father, not her partner.

spike's mate: There will be plenty more. This together with the Season Seven and Angel Season Five/Season Eight sequels will add up to 74 chapters. By that point I can promise happy endings for (almost) everyone.


	11. Chapter Nine: Broken

Author's Notes: Be warned, the story earns its M rating in this chapter, so skip that scene if you don't want to read the naughty bits. I'm sorry to say I don't think I'll manage to get to Season Seven by the New Year, but I'll be posting new chapters as often as I can.

Chapter Nine: Broken

Buffy was just finishing cooking the bacon when the kitchen door opened. Both Summers girls looked up from their breakfast to see Willow and Amy come in.

"… won't be able to eat for a while. No worries though." The redhead said, not noticing the kitchen's occupants.

"It'll wear off in a day or two." Amy took off her jacket as Willow met Buffy's eyes.

"Hey." Willow said tentatively.

"Hey," Buffy scooped up the bacon strips with her spatula onto her and Dawn's plates, her voice cold. "Where were you?"

"The Bronze." Amy answered in a hyper rush. "Everything's different. And Willow. She's a freaking amazing witch now. I couldn't even keep up with her last night."

Willow could see Dawn shifting uncomfortably and Buffy's face icing over. "Amy…"

"I mean, I can do _some _transmogrify, but she is messing with dimensions and everything. It was awesome. This blowhard dude? First, she made his mouth disappear. Thank God. And then…" The ex-rat recognized the tension in the room and slowed down her onslaught of words. "I'm talking too much. Sorry. It's just been, you know… me and a bag of pellets for the last few years, so…"

"Sorry. We kind of lost track of time." Willow apologized. The Slayer just tapped a finger on the counter and took a deep breath. "Everything's okay, right?"

"Could I talk to you in private for a minute Will?" It wasn't a request.

"Uh, of course."

"I should go home. Dad's expecting me." Amy said, eager to get away from the awkwardness.

"Okay. I'll call you later." Willow said as she followed Buffy to the dining room. "I'm sorry Buffy, just, you know, we both had a lot of steam to blow off."

"I almost didn't make it back last night you know," the blonde said stonily, "I could have been out on patrol, and Dawn would have been here alone. Or Tara would have had to stay and watch her."

"Oh. I never would have stayed out if I knew you weren't coming home."

"I know. It wasn't intentional. Transmogrificating people to 'blow off steam' though, I'm pretty sure that was intentional." Willow almost jumped in to correct Buffy's pronunciation but stopped herself. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking it was just a few spells, and spells that I undid when I was finished." She said defensively. "Are you going to be jumping down my throat about the magic too?"

"Well that guy who won't be able to eat for a few days isn't here to do it, is he?" Willow's mouth hung open, about to protest, but Buffy glared her down. "You're lucky Tara wasn't here to see this. Go get some sleep." The shorter girl marched back to kitchen, leaving her friend stricken.

…

The sisters finished their breakfast still gloomy from the confrontation. Dawn wanted to come help with research, and had it been a school day Buffy would have told her no. She did warn her it would likely be boring, and she wasn't wrong. Anya had given up on finding the jewel stealing ice demon and was looking through bridal magazines. Xander was annoyed at her slacking but agreed with his fiancée that the search was going nowhere. He suggested the Slayer hit the streets, and it sounded as good an idea as any. Not to mention it was an excuse to see a certain someone. Buffy left the Magic Box after assuring Dawn that she would check back by nine and give her a call if anything held her up.

It was still light out when she got to Spike's. She'd put in a few token attempts at getting information out of the local demons, including her obligatory roughing up of Willie the snitch, but had come up with nothing. Spike had more underworld contacts than her, which might prove useful. She wasn't going to pretend she didn't have other activities in mind, but that didn't make the vampire's helpfulness in finding demons any less valid.

"Spike?" She called out a few more times but got no reply. She figured he must be asleep and went to the lower level to wake him. "Spike?" She called again as she approached his bed. He stirred and blinked at her. As the vampire sat up, the sheet slipping from his body Buffy realized he was naked. Very naked. The sheet stopped just short of his waist.

"Something wrong?" He asked blearily.

"I was wondering if we could hit up some demon bars, try and find some info on this freezy diamond thief." It sounded a lot less appealing than it had when she didn't have Spike's chest to distract her.

"Is it still daylight?" It felt too early to be getting up. Buffy nodded. "Well then I'm not going to be much use to you am I? Unless you fancy a sewer stroll, but I've got the feeling…" He leaned over to fix her with a sultry gaze. "… you're more up for finishing what you started last night." Spike knew he was being bold, but she must have known coming here that they'd have to wait for sunset.

She sighed. He wasn't wrong. "Last night…" Spike kept his gaze on her, unwavering. Her throat felt drier by the second. He had let her go so easily. Part of her was still insecure about it. "You did, want to, right?"

"Always." He said passionately. "But I need you to want me too. And if you were out all night with me, I know you'd blame me for keeping you from Dawn."

"I…" Spike stood up, holding the sheet in front of his lower half, waiting for her to finish. Why did his eyes have to be so damn blue? "I do want to." The feelings behind that desire were too tangled for her to sort out just now, but that was the truth of it: She wanted Spike.

That was all the vampire needed to hear. He dropped the sheet and kissed her, hands already moving to pull off her top. It was farther than they'd ever gone, but he'd be damned if he was going to stand there bare while Buffy was all covered up. She helped him along, breaking their tongue duel only for the second needed to get her shirt off. Her bra soon followed, and she felt her nipples harden as they brushed against Spike's cool, hard chest.

They began to move, not to the bed but to the wall. The Slayer kicked off her shoes before wrapping her leg around Spike's like she had the night previous. She was about to take off her pants with the hand that wasn't gripping the vampire's ass when she felt his hand beat her to it. To her surprise he didn't take them off all the way, just pulling them down far enough to give him access to her soaking panties. He slipped his fingers in and began stroking her clit slowly just the way he knew drove her crazy. She pulled back from his lips to gasp and continued breathing heavily as he rubbed.

After a minute of this treatment Buffy couldn't take anymore and growled. "Stop… teasing…" She panted, digging her nails into the flesh of his cheek and back.

"You're one to talk," he nearly whispered, finally pulling her underwear the rest of the way down her legs. She kicked the offending clothes off in frustration, almost angrily thrusting her center onto him. Spike lifted her against the wall to get a better angle before at long last entering her once again.

He had been dreaming about this moment for so long, and there was nothing that could ruin it. Feeling her muscles tighten around him, her wetness letting him slide in and out of her at a furious pace, it let him lose himself entirely in the moment. There was no fear of her breaking up with him, no need to cajole her or convince her she was broken to make her stay with him. Just the heat and desire that had been building until there was nothing to do but release it. Spike relished the Slayer's strength as she contracted around him, equally lost in the passion.

For Buffy it was the first time, and she was too far gone to form any kind of thought. All the stress and tension she carried on her shoulders floated away as Spike brought her closer and closer to the edge. She felt him take one of her nipples in his mouth, licking and sucking before biting down hard. She cried out and pulled his face to her, kissing him deeply as they both reached the peak.

He let her down from the wall as the aftershocks rippled through them, and in an instant Buffy was backing them up to the bed, scratching her nails down his back.

…

It could have been hours, days, weeks, she couldn't be sure. Buffy had lost count as one high gave way to the next. While she hadn't quite dozed off, she had fallen into a giddy haze that she was content to bask in. Spike was holding her to him with one hand cupped over her breast and the other stroking her hair. It was oddly tender after the almost animal way they had coupled, and she would have giggled if a sudden thought of Dawn didn't flash through in her mind. The Slayer sat up and looked around for her clothing, surprised that the vampire let her go without a struggle.

"Are you supposed to be on the clock pet?" Spike said in amusement as she got dressed.

"I promised Dawn I'd check in with her." She said hooking her bra. "I don't even know what time it is."

He stood and began searching for his own clothes. "Past sundown I'd wager. We can go 'trolling for information on your frost demon once we peek in on the nibblet if you want."

"Yeah, patrolling. We definitely should…" Buffy paused in her dressing to watch Spike. "You're really okay with just, I mean, we haven't even talked about…"

He looked at her with an inscrutable expression. "You've got something to say? I think we said plenty without words."

_Not to mention plenty of dirty words during, _Buffy thought as Spike buttoned his shirt. "This… thing, the sex thing… it doesn't mean that we're dating. You get that, right?" She asked nervously. He scoffed.

"Dating? You want me to pick you up in my convertible, take you to a drive-in movie? Give you my class ring and ask you to be my girl? That's what you good, wholesome, American kids do, right?"

Buffy rolled her eyes as she put on her socks. "Only if you've been watching too many eighties movies about the fifties." It wasn't as if she didn't have a desire for normal boyfriend/girlfriend type things, but just the sex was a lot to adjust to. Being in a real relationship wasn't something she wanted to contemplate right now, let alone with Spike.

They finished dressing and Spike headed for the upper floor. He had been distracted by the shagging, but now that they were up and no longer naked he was getting anxious about Dawn. If Willow was in as bad shape as she had been last time the girl was in real danger. Buffy followed him up, wondering if the vampire was really as okay with everything as he claimed.

…

Spike waited on the porch for Buffy to check in with Dawn. The Slayer could hear glass breaking upstairs.

"Hello?" She made her way up the stairs as she called out. "Willow? Dawn?" Dawn's room was empty. She stepped into Willow's room to find the magic trunk open, spell components strewn about. She was about inspect it more closely when she heard the floor creak and spun around to find a thief about to sneak out. "What's going on?" Buffy demanded shoving Amy against the open door.

"Uh-oh." She chuckled weakly. "Busted." Buffy shook her and she gasped.

"Where's Willow?"

"She said- She said I could- Wait." The blonde reached into Amy's jacket and pulled out a plastic bag full of herbs.

"What is this?"

"It's not what you think it is. It's sage."

"That is what I think it is." Buffy said in frustration. "What's going on? Where are Willow and Dawn?"

"Well, I-I… I saw-I saw her, but that was- I like your coat." Amy tried to duck the question and a possible beating. "When does a Slayer find time to shop?" The Slayer shoved her again, not amused.

"So they didn't let you in?"

Amy chuckled again awkwardly. "Not that they know of."

"What else did you take?"

"Nothing." Buffy gave the witch another shove. "Ow!"

"What else?" She began rummaging through Amy's pockets impatiently.

"Please. Please, I need this stuff." Buffy pulled out more plastic bags as Amy pleaded with her. "Willow wants me to have it. She understands."

"Understands what? Breaking into someone's house for kitchen spices? No, I don't think so."

"You should." The witch's voice was suddenly serious and dark. "She's as bad as I am. Worse. I bet she's at Rack's right now."

"Rack's?"

"A place. H-he does spells, heavy stuff. Willow's his new favorite." Amy said, jealousy dripping from her words.

"She's there?" She punctuated her question with yet another shove. "With Dawn?"

"Oh, don't shake me again, super strength. I think I'm gonna boot."

"Then tell me where this place is, and I won't."

"It's downtown. But it moves."

"What do you mean it moves?"

"It's downtown. I'm not sure where it would be tonight exactly."

Buffy shook Amy desperately. "Tell me how to find it."

"You just kind of have to feel it out! Oh god I think I'm gonna-" The Slayer let go, fairly certain the taller girl _was_ actually on the verge of vomiting. "Oh god." With that the former rodent ran to the bathroom. Buffy let her go, having bigger dangers to worry about than petty theft.

"What's going on?" Spike had a sinking feeling that it was the same thing as before, but had to confirm.

"Willow's into something. Her and Dawn have been missing for hours. There's some guy named Rack."

"Damn." It was the same. And Spike didn't have any clue where Rack's was this time either. Even if he had felt out its location earlier, it changed night to night. "He deals in magic. Black stuff. Dangerous."

"Do you know where to find it?" Buffy was all business now.

"He cloaks it. You can't feel it unless you're into the big bad. A witch or a vampire."

That was all she needed to know. She had had a legitimate reason to bring Spike along after all. "So let's go."

…

Every minute the pair spent searching increased their anxieties. For Spike it was even worse, because he had seen just how bad things could get. Buffy could sense his urgency, and was again touched by how much he seemed to care for her sister.

"Dawn can't be in too much danger. I mean, it's Willow. She'd never let anything happen to her." She couldn't believe she was trying to reassure Spike of all people. She was also trying to reassure herself.

"I don't know." The vampire said, still intently feeling for the warlock's hideaway. "Dawn told me Willow's been out of sorts lately. Not quite right in the head since her bird flew away."

"Okay, she's been pretty moody, and not making the best of decisions. But she's already had one spell screw up on her big time this month; she wouldn't let anyone she cares about get hurt if she could help it."

"What if she can't help it?" He said in a low tone. "I seem to remember the magic getting a bit out of her hands when wolf boy left her."

_And when I died. _Buffy thought, not knowing Spike was thinking the same thing. She would have teased him about him liking the effects of Willow's spell to get over Oz if peril weren't eminent.

"Then we better find them quick."

Eventually Spike was too tense to keep searching and began heading for the site of the car crash, not knowing if was yet to happen or had already occurred. They got there just in time to see the car piloted by Willow's magic careen down the street. Then there was the sound of the crash, followed by Dawn's scream.

Spike ran as fast as he could, and caught the young girl as the demon threw her, shielding her from breaking her arm. Her forehead was still bloody. He was furious. He had had months to prepare for this and he hadn't come up with a better plan than "get there early". So much more had been broken this night than Dawn's bone.

Buffy was in combat with the hairy beast, who seemed her equal in battle. After a few minutes' tussle it began to hyperventilate, stopping its attacks.

"Now you're scared?" The Slayer said as she got her bearings. "Better late than never." Before she could resume the fight the demon burned into smoke, embers and ash from the inside out. Behind the fallen monster stood Willow, crackling with power. Her eyes were blackened with dark magic, and she seemed to be in a daze. Buffy glared at her. After all that magic had already cost her, Willow still hadn't reined it in. She heard Dawn groan and went over to where Spike was comforting the teen. There were cuts and bruises all over her, and she was holding one arm as if it were tender.

"Dawn. What happened?" Buffy asked as she knelt beside her sister. "Are you okay?"

"Ow! He was after Willow. She made the car drive."

"How's your arm?" Her anger at Willow was overridden by concern.

Dawn winced as Buffy touched it. "It hurts; I think it slammed into the car when we crashed."

Willow came over, only just now coming back to lucidity.

"Dawn. Oh god. There's blood." The horror of injuring her loved one snapped her the rest of the way out of her sorcery induced fog.

"We need to get her to a doctor." Spike and Buffy helped Dawn up, ignoring the redhead.

"Is she okay? Is she okay?" Willow demanded.

"Back off Will. I got her." The blonde said as they led Dawn past the witch.

"No. Dawnie!"

"I mean it." Buffy affirmed angrily. "Stay away from her."

Willow ran in front of the other three, unwilling to let them go. "Dawnie! Dawnie I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I was an accident. I didn't see. I'm so, so sorry."

Dawn looked at the woman she idolized, one of her two mother figures, and slapped her hard across the face.

"Dawnie." Her words became whimpers as the brunette walked away. "Dawnie. Don't! Dawnie I'm sorry." The whimpers grew into sobs, and she collapsed in tears. "I'm s- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The others stopped a few yards away and Spike looked at Willow as she cried. He hadn't bothered to make a plan about Willow, not considering it part of his job to fix the witch's mistakes. In retrospect that hadn't been the best thing for Dawn, but at least it was over. Maybe this had always had to happen. Maybe the crash was the only thing awful enough to break her out of her descent. Spike rubbed Dawn's back and took her away while Buffy stood there, looking coldly at the ground. She turned her gaze to Willow and went over to her as the girl sobbed more sorries.

"Get up." She said plainly.

"I screwed it up. Everything. Tara-" That self pitying whine was enough to bring the Slayer's fury to the forefront. She grabbed her distraught friend and pulled her to her feet.

"Yeah, you know what? You did screw up. Okay? You could have killed her! You almost did!" Buffy shouted.

"I know. I know." The tears streaked down her face unstoppably. "I can't stop, Buffy. I've tried, and I can't."

"You can." Buffy insisted.

"I can't! I can't. I ju- God! I need help. Please. Please, help me." Willow threw her arms around Buffy, who stayed still and numb for a moment before returning the embrace. She did need help. Blood dripped from Willow's forehead onto Buffy's shoulder as they held each other. "Please. Help me. Please."

…

Buffy handed Dawn a glass of water and the bottle of pain medication as she settled onto her bed. The doctor had told her she'd feel even sorer the next day, but at least nothing was broken. Willow was still in the shower, getting out the last of her tears as the sisters talked.

"The demon said Willow summoned it?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah." Dawn said after she swallowed the pills. "She was in there for hours, and when she came out her eyes were all messed up. I don't even want to know what she was doing." The teen took a deep breath through her nose, face screwed tight in anger. "I couldn't believe she would act like that. She was crazy. And after I defended her to Tara… I said she was being careful. I feel so stupid."

"None of this was your fault." The older girl said placing a comforting hand on her sister's knee. "I don't know how things got so out of control, but this was all Willow, not you."

"I know." Dawn said sharply. "I can't even look at her right now." She yawned and squirmed into her pillows. "I'm going to sleep." She rolled over and yanked the covers over herself roughly.

Some minutes later Willow came out of the shower and wrapped herself in a blanket. When Buffy came in she was sitting in lotus position on her bed, trying to meditate. The blonde leaned on the door frame, arms crossed.

"Is she okay?" The redhead opened her eyes but didn't look up.

"She's sleeping." Buffy answered. "The ER doc gave her something for the pain. It knocked her out."

"But she's gonna be all right?" Willow asked nervously.

"The doctor said she has some whiplash, but nothing's broken. It's gonna take some time for the cuts and bruises to heal." And it would take even longer for Dawn's trust to heal, if ever.

"God. I'm sorry. I'm so…"

Buffy sighed. In all honesty she wasn't surprised Willow had fallen this far. She could still see her bleeding, the snake forcing its way out of her throat. "I get that you wanted to escape. I just don't see why you dragged Dawn into it."

"I don't know." Willow's eyes still hadn't looked to Buffy once. "The magic. I… I thought I had it under control. And then… I didn't."

Something stirred inside the Slayer. She had been getting over her pain at the resurrection spell, but seeing Willow endanger Dawn with her recklessness had brought it all back again. She decided it was time to tell the whole truth. If Willow understood more of the consequences of her actions, maybe she'd be better able to overcome her reliance on magic. After all, this had been going on since before Tara left. It was why she left.

"I think this has been a long time coming. Tonight was just the last straw on the camel's back." The witch had to agree. "You know that other world, the one where I died?" Willow nodded. "I didn't stay dead. You brought me back somehow." The green eyed girl finally looked at Buffy.

"I did? How?" The dark part in the back of her mind was still curious and eager to learn new spells, even now. She shoved her desires down and listened to her friend's revelation in astonishment.

"I don't know the specifics, but it was dark. You were covered in open cuts, and a snake was coming out of your mouth. All this dark energy was passing through you." Buffy's stomach lurched as she recalled what she had seen. "I had to dig myself out of my own grave."

"Oh god, Buffy, I…" Willow hung her head helplessly. "I would never have… I'm sorry." She didn't think she'd ever used one word so much in one night.

Buffy didn't like dumping so much on her friend when she was already so fragile, but she felt now was the time for full disclosure. "When I killed the thaumogenesis demon, I started feeling all this disgust. I could barely stand being around you, or Tara, Xander, Anya."

"Is that why you were all distant?" Buffy nodded. "You were mad at me for using dark magic?"

"Partly, yeah. I'm not sure why it upset me so much. I just felt betrayed. Some of it was because it felt like it was invalidating the sacrifice I made for Dawn, making it like it didn't mean anything." She shook her head, heaving a deep breath. "A lot of it was wanting to finally have a rest. From slaying, watching people die when I'm supposed to save them, having nightmares and knowing it won't ever stop." She looked at her best friend, her face softening. "I understand why you wanted to get away from yourself. You take loss really hard."

Willow sighed. "That's true. And I mean…" She chuckled softly. "… if you could be… plain old Willow or super Willow, who would you be?" Buffy blinked and looked down. "I guess that's kind of the opposite of your problem. You don't actually have an option on the whole super thing."

The blonde shook her head again. "Will there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need magic to be special."

"Don't I?" Willow asked. "I mean, Buffy, who was I? Just some girl. Tara didn't even know that girl."

"You are more than some girl." Buffy walked over to the bed, arms still crossed. "And Tara wants you to stop. She loves you."

"We don't know that." She had hurt Tara so much. The older witch had every right to hate after what she'd done, she could see that now.

"I know that." Buffy said firmly as she sat on the bed. "I promise you. But you have to get a handle on the magic, or nothing's going to change. People get hurt."

"If something had happened to Dawn tonight… something worse…" Willow didn't want to contemplate it, but her busy brain was already conjuring all kinds of nightmare scenarios. "I-I… I was out of my mind. I-I did things, I can't even- It won't happen again." She said with resolve. "I promise. No more spells. I'm finished."

Buffy looked down at the covers, thinking of her tryst with Spike. That was how she had lost herself. It was something she would never have thought herself capable of, but she had gone ahead and done things she would have been horrified with herself for just months ago. It made her feel like she was losing a bit of her own mind. But it wasn't really on the same level as what Willow had done. "Good. I think it's right to give it up."

"It's not worth it. Not if it messes with the people I love." That was another thing, Buffy thought; sex with Spike wasn't really hurting anyone, just her self image. Even if Willow was giving up her release, that didn't mean she needed to. "Magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff."

"There you go."

"Or keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra." Buffy's eyes widened. "Don't ask."

"Now I don't have to." She said kindly.

"Cause it's over." Willow affirmed.

"From now on, let's not keep things to ourselves, okay?" Buffy asked. "I know I've not been Miss Forthcoming with my emotions lately either, but I don't want to wait for a demonic sing along or a car crash to get us to talk things out."

"We did promise to never not talk again, didn't we?" Willow said with a sad smile.

"That we did."

…

Author's Notes:

S1r3h: I know, right? Things will get better for her though. If you've seen my profile picture or my other stories you can probably guess that I'm giving Tara a happy ending. But again, weird path.

Cailin Rua: Ha, yeah, she probably could. Buffy is going to confront just what it is she's feeling by talking it out with a few different people, including two special guest stars next chapter.

spiked–love: Thank you, and I'm sorry I've been so long between chapters. College is getting more intense and I've got a lot of drama going on at home too. But I am super eager to write more and move this story along.

I understand your concern, but I'm going to defend my characterization of Spike. I absolutely agree that both the human and demon aspects of him love Buffy; that's one of the main reasons I think he's much better suited to her than Angel. But the demon doesn't always know how to express that love in a way that isn't, well, demonic. There are lots of examples I could point to, but I think the best one is what Spike does to Buffy in "Seeing Red". He even refers to getting his soul as "giving that bitch what she deserves". His demon is very frustrated right now and was basically egging him on to forget consequences and just do her already, not to incite him to hurt Buffy. That claw her, drink her stuff is meant to be vampire spicy talk. Yeah, vampires have weird sex.

spike's mate: Glad to hear it. I wouldn't fool anyone if I lied and said I'm not bringing Tara back. I won't spoil the details, but I will say the event that will enable Tara's fate to be changed has already been altered in this timeline.

Blade Redwind: Always glad for reviews! Spike is making the best of an unusual situation, and as time goes on he'll surprise himself.


	12. Chapter Ten: Gone

Author's Notes: I can't believe it's taken this long for me to post this chapter. I've had most of it sitting in my head for a long time, I've just been too wiped out when I get home to make myself write. I'm going to use my winter break to catch up, so there will be several chapters posted between December 21st and January 2nd.

This chapter is a close to canon one with a few twists. The next chapter will be a more divergent one and skip ahead to match with "Dead Things".

Chapter Ten: Going

The familiar room bathed her in its white light. Someone had left the window open, and a warm breeze was blowing through. Buffy looked around, seeing what needed to be done. The bed was all made up again. She heard soft footsteps and turned to see a fierce woman gazing at her.

"Hey. We haven't seen each other in a while." Buffy greeted Kendra.

"I'm always here." The other Slayer said simply.

"I guess. We don't usually talk though." The blonde told her darker counterpart. "Why are you here? It's because I'm sleeping with a vampire, isn't it?" She had been terrified someone would find out and start judging her. "Some big violation of the Slayer handbook?"

"If that were a rule you already broke it long ago." Kendra said with a shake of her ponytailed head. "And the consequences were far worse with Angelus. I should know."

Buffy looked down guiltily, stifling the impulse to object that she had slept with Angel, not Angelus. "Then what is it?"

"You're losing your way." Kendra said gravely. "You've spent over half a year seeing tings you shouldn't, and you're still grieving that you didn't have to die for your sister."

"I know. I've been the moping queen." Buffy said with a sigh. "But isn't that normal? Don't all Slayers kind of have a… death wish?"

"I didn't." Kendra replied. "You have so much to live for. Do you know how few Slayers get to live to see twenty, or go to college? You had a wonderful mother who loved you, and was proud of you. You have friends who would and _do_ do anything for you, and a sister to watch grow up. Even your Watcher loves you like a father, even if he is apart from you."

The shorter girl knew all those things already, and it just made her feel guiltier for wanting an end. "I know. And those are all things you never got." Buffy said with a heavy heart. "But why does it matter so much that I was okay with being dead? It's kind of a sure thing with this job, right?"

"Because you're losing the fire; you need it." Kendra said emphatically. "You think the Slayer is about death, but it's not. It's about preserving life. How can you value the lives of those you are protecting if you don't value your own?"

"Come on K, go easy on her." A hoarse voice cut in. The two Slayers were joined by their junior, Faith. "We all get sick of this gig sometimes. Just wanna call it a day and hang up the slaying jacket."

"It's a gift to be alive, and an honor to be the Slayer." Kendra disagreed.

"Well, maybe if you'd lasted longer you'd be more in line with me and B's thinking." Faith said with a shrug. She looked at Buffy. "I know how it is. Having to get up every night to let your body be a chew toy for hell beasts, having some old assholes in a library thousands of miles away decide what you need and don't need to know about what you are. Then there's the buffet of nightmares; things that are going to happen, things that happened to chicks that died slaying, the things that happened to all the people you didn't save." There was sadness and understanding in Faith's eyes.

"Yeah." Buffy agreed. She looked at those who had followed her in the Slayer chain. "I guess you're both right. I just, I don't how long it's going to be before I can like my life more than I hate it."

"Then that's your battle." Kendra said. "You have to try."

"Well, I know one thing about your life you're enjoying." Faith said to Buffy teasingly. "You've still got a thing for the undead."

"I thought we weren't talking about that." Buffy said in embarrassment.

"We can talk about anything in here." Faith said with a light smile. "So what's going on with you and him? You gonna get some, and get gone, or is this like a real thing?"

"I…" Buffy considered. "I don't know. It, feels good, but I feel bad that it feels good." She looked at the other girls worriedly. "Doesn't it bother you? I mean, he's killed two of us."

Faith shook her head. "That's not up to us to decide."

"That's something you'll have to come to terms with for yourself." Kendra agreed.

Buffy noticed someone asleep under the covers. "It's getting kind of crowded in here." She took a step closer, finding a tan girl with long dark hair sleeping in the bed. "When did she get here?"

"Oh, she's not going to wake up for a while yet. Don't worry." Kendra assured her.

Buffy nodded. "What's her name?"

"Ken-"

…

"Lehane! Up!"

Faith growled and rubbed her eyes, the name on her tongue lost as the guard's call roused her from the shared dream. She got up to be escorted to her morning bathroom visit, wondering just what she had been going to tell Buffy. The room was a mixed comfort to the Slayer, reminding her of her isolation while at the same time forging one of her last connections to world outside the prison walls.

…

Miles away Buffy woke at the same time. The trip to the Slayer collective memory had given her a lot to think about, but she had little time to with all that was going on with her and hers.

The past two weeks had been stressful for everyone living in the house on Revello Drive. Willow was still having too many withdrawal symptoms to get back to class, and Buffy was organizing a purge of all magic items in the household. To Willow's confusion Dawn was angry with both of them, but Buffy understood her sister's frustration. She was mad at Buffy for letting the breakdown happen when they all knew things weren't right with the witch. The teen was also upset about losing things that reminded her of their mother. The Slayer did hope there would be a time they could have cultural artifacts and incense in the house without triggering Willow, but for now everything had to go.

Xander had offered to take Dawn to school so Buffy could finish up the house cleaning before heading out to college for the day. She was still cranky.

"You will come straight home." Buffy said to her sister as they headed for the door.

"Sure. Maybe we can find some time for you to get me into another car accident." Dawn said coldly.

They opened the door to find a plump middle aged woman with a clipboard waiting for them. She took off her glasses and greeted the younger Summers girl.

"Oh, good morning. You must be Dawn."

"Huh?" Dawn said in confusion.

"May I help you?" Buffy said warily.

"I'm Doris Kroeger from Social Services." The woman pulled at her name tag. "We had an appointment."

"Oh, for Wednesday." Buffy remembered.

"This is Wednesday." Doris said.

Buffy looked at Xander and he confirmed the date with a nod. She had been more out of it than she realized.

"Right. Well, Dawn, you better-" Dawn shook her head and walked out without a word. "And and, Xander, you'll drive safely."

"Yes ma'am." He agreed with a good helping of fear in his voice. He smiled awkwardly at Doris as he left.

"A little bit on the tardy side, isn't she?" The social worker said passive aggressively as she came into the house.

"Yeah, well, it's been one of those mornings, you know." Buffy closed the door as Doris made her way into the living room without preamble. "Great. Come on in." The blonde saw Doris eying the boxes of magic supplies and rushed to reassure her. "Sorry about the mess. You know, we're doing a little house clean."

"I see." She turned to Buffy and held her pen over her forms. "You're not employed at the moment, is that right?"

"Uh no, I'm in college. Good old UC Sunnydale." She said nervously as Doris wrote notes. "But we have savings, so we should be okay until I graduate."

"Mm-hmm. And what kind of job were you looking to get with your degree?"

In truth the Slayer didn't have any clearer vision of that than she had had junior year of high school. "Well, I haven't, declared my major yet, but I was thinking… law enforcement?" The sound of the woman's pen moving across the paper irritated her to no end; it drove her crazy not knowing whether she was saying the right thing.

"What about your boyfriend, does he live with you?" Doris asked, startling Buffy.

"Boyfriend? What do you…" For a moment she thought the woman somehow knew about Spike, but then she recalled the scene the social worker had walked in on that morning and realized what she meant. "Oh, Xander? He's not my boyfriend, just a good friend who comes over sometimes."

"So he doesn't live with you?"

"No. Just me and Dawn living here." That was an unfortunate phrasing, as it was proven a lie a second later.

"Buffy, I'm not feeling hot, so I'm gonna take a quick nap, okay?" Willow called from upstairs.

"Okay Will!" Buffy called back. Doris stared at Buffy, having caught her in the lie. "That's Willow. She uh, she kind of lives here too, actually."

"Oh, so you live with another woman?" The social worker's voice softened, seeming to find it cute.

"Oh. Oh it's not a gay thing, you know. I mean," Buffy struggled to clarify Doris' misconception as the woman looked closer at the contents of the box, seeing the sage. "Well, she's gay, but we don't gay-" The blonde made little rotary motions with her hands. "Not that there's anything- oh-wrong with-" Buffy stepped over to Doris quickly as she picked up the bag of herbs. "You know, I know what that looks like but I-I I swear it's not what it looks like." The woman looked at her in disbelief. "It's magic weed." She grabbed it violently and threw it in the box. "It's not mine." Doris put her hand to her nose for a split second, stressed.

"I think I've seen enough." The social worker said leaving for the front door. Buffy rushed to get ahead of her.

"Uh, no. Actually, I really don't think that-that you have." She said desperately. "It's just- It's been kind of- kind of a bad time."

"It's been a bad time now for a while, hasn't it, Miss Summers?" Doris said accusingly. "Your sister's grades have fallen sharply in the last year due in large part to her frequent absences and lateness."

"But there are good reasons." Buffy pleaded.

"I'm sure there are. But my interest is in Dawn's welfare, and the stability of her home life, something I'm just not convinced that an unemployed college student like yourself can provide."

"I can. I-I do." Buffy shrugged helplessly. Dawn was the one thing she took more seriously than her Slayer duties. They clashed sometimes, but she had thought she was making it work. A lot of that was due to her support network of friends, and she knew without them there was no way she could handle looking after her sister. And deep inside, though she wouldn't admit it, that was one of the reasons she had grown closer to Spike.

"Well, we'll just have to see about that then, won't we?" Doris walked past her to the door. She turned to look back at Buffy. "Oh, and I'm going to recommend immediate probation in my report."

That was ominous. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I'll be monitoring you very closely, Miss Summers. And if I don't see that things are improving, I'll be forced to recommend that you be stripped of your sister's guardianship."

"You can't do that." Buffy protested. Doris opened the door and stood in the doorframe as she addressed the Slayer.

"I do what is in Dawn's best interest… As should you. Have a nice day."

Buffy sighed and closed the door. She hated things like this, battles she couldn't fight with her fists. But this was a battle she couldn't back down from.

…

An hour later Buffy tossed out the boxes that were headed for the garbage at the dump and dropped the rest off with Anya at the Magic Box. The ex-demon promised her she'd sell them as soon as possible to remove the temptation, and looked almost wistful when she saw the items that were being returned to Tara. Nothing that had happened had changed Anya's opinion that Tara should enact some kind of vengeance on Willow, but both her fiancé and the blonde witch were insistent that "rehab" was the way to go. Forgiveness and redemption were still new concepts to her, and she wasn't sure she bought into them.

Buffy was driving the Jeep through downtown on her way to college when there was a sudden blankness in front of her. The windshield, the dashboard, the whole car had suddenly vanished. Not only that but, her hands and arms themselves were no longer visible. She could still feel the wheel in her hands and the seat beneath her, and felt for the pedals, confirming they were still there as well.

"Of all the things to cap off today…" Buffy grumbled, pulling her invisible car into a parking space. She thought for a moment, and pulled it forward into a no parking zone. It still wasn't entirely safe, but it was safer than trying to drive an invisible Jeep through traffic.

Buffy extricated herself from her vehicle and checked over her body in the side mirror of another parked car. The invisibility seemed to have gotten her everywhere. She tried to remember more details about the moment she and the car had vanished, but came up blank. Buffy sighed and headed for the Magic Box, Slayer central for all unexplained phenomenon.

…

When she arrived Buffy found Anya had been joined by Xander. They were on either side of the counter looking over a chart of seating arrangements.

"Where do I put D'Hoffryn?" Anya asked.

"We're not inviting D'Hoffryn." Xander answered, already leery of the number of demons that would be in the wedding party.

"I have to." Anya protested. "He's my ex-boss. You're inviting your work buddies."

"She's got a point." Buffy agreed.

"Hey Buffy." Xander greeted her. The couple looked around for their friend, not seeing her. Xander got off his stool, perplexed. "Where, where are you?"

"At table four apparently." Buffy said looking at their chart.

"Well, that remains to be seen… like you." Anya said cautiously as she walked out from behind the counter.

"Don't strain yourself looking Xander. I'm Invisible Girl." He reached out to touch her without thinking. "Uh, Xander?"

"Sorry!" Xander chuckled nervously and Anya arrived beside him. "Her clothes are uh, invisible… too." He said to his fiancée with a weak laugh. "Buffy, how did this hap… Wait a sec. Have you been feeling ignored lately?"

"Yeah, ignored. I wish. No, this isn't a Marcie deal." Buffy said in reference to the girl who they had discovered vanished their sophomore year. "I don't know what happened. I was driving to college down Main Street and suddenly me and the Jeep were just, gone."

"Just like that? This is serious." Xander said worriedly.

"I know. It kind of fits the day I've had." Buffy picked up a painted clay ball from one of the shelves and tossed it in the air. "Willow's still a wreck, Dawn's mad at both of us, and the Social Services lady put me through a wringer. Says she's gonna _watch_ me. I'd like to see her try now." She held up two of the painted spheres in front of her face like eyes, a plan forming in her mind. "You know, there may be an upside to no-see me." She walked over to Anya.

"Buff, did you see anyone or… anything suspicious before you… cleared up?" Xander questioned, trying to puzzle things out.

"Nope. Didn't see nothin'." Buffy said goofily as she made the 'eyeballs' look at each other. "Hmm. See what I did there, with the eyeballs."

"Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean an invisible Slayer's got to be way more effective than the standard variety." Anya wondered as Buffy walked off again.

"Yeah. I'm less with the 'why' and more with the 'how'. We get the 'how', then we got how to make her unseen sight seen again, right?" Xander said as the Slayer came up behind him with a skull.

"S'all right." She said moving the skull's jaw.

"Buffy, could you focus please." It felt odd to Xander to be the mature one for once.

"I am. Just- This is kind of fun." Her sour mood was certainly lightening with thoughts of all the avenues of consequence free mischief this condition could open up for her.

"Well, it would help if we had a little bit more to go on. Or anything to go on." Anya said.

"Well, I could check the spot where Buffy disappeared… you know, snoop for clues." Xander said in an attempt to move things along.

"Yeah. Right." Buffy said putting the skull back on the shelf. "Uh, hey, you know what? I'm just gonna go for a walk."

"A walk?" Xander asked incredulously.

"Yeah. You know, clear my head. You guys keep working on the 'whats' and the 'hows'." She chuckled at her own inadvertent pun. "'Clear my head.'" Hopefully her friends wouldn't find a solution before she took care of some business.

Xander called after her as she exited the shop. "Buffy!"

Anya sat down at the stool, holding the seating chart. Even if Xander was worried, the Slayer's relaxed attitude was keeping her from getting too worked up over this day's particular brand of weird.

"Uh, it seems pretty obvious it's some kind of spell that's done this to her." Xander walked up behind her as she began to rearrange the sticky notes.

"A spell from who? You said it yourself, it makes no sense for one of her enemies to make her invisible."

"Maybe it's a mistake." She said, waiting for his brain to catch up.

"A magical mistake." He almost laughed. "Who'd be messing with that kind of pow-" Xander gaped silently and Anya turned to him, glad to see that he had gotten her meaning. The carpenter decided going to see his recovering friend was a more prudent first step to take before investigating the scene of the vanishing. He had no idea how he'd turned into the responsible one in the group, but with Giles gone, Willow strung out and Buffy seeming almost bi-polar it was a role he'd have to take on.

…

While Xander confronted Willow about a possible relapse, Buffy took her time going to the Social Services offices. It was too tempting to toy with people when she was like this. She found a woman wearing a studded hat and chided her for her fashion trespass before spying a parking enforcement car. The invisible girl commandeered it and went on a joy ride to the building where she'd find her target.

Doris was sipping from a mug with a cartoon cow as Buffy made her way to her desk. Buffy stealthily swiped the mug while the social worker filled out paperwork. She played with Doris a couple of times before leaving the beverage on top of her computer monitor. Doris reached for it and Buffy picked it up before she could reach it, chanting softly, "Kill, kill."

"What?" Doris asked of the disembodied voice.

"I didn't say anything." One of the woman's coworkers answered, slightly unnerved.

"Not you, the mug. It's-" When Doris looked back at the air where the mug had been dancing, but it was gone, having been replaced it in its original spot. "But I, uh- I heard something." Doris pushed the mug away, perturbed.

"Kill Doris." Buffy said just loud enough for the woman to hear. "Kill everybody. You know you want to."

Doris stood up and shouted angrily. "Shut up. Shut up. Just shut up!" Her coworkers all turned to look at her, scared by the bizarre outburst. Doris was called over by her supervisor. Buffy took the distraction as an opportunity to look through the files on the desk for Dawn's.

"Okay. No, no. Yahtzee." She said finding what she needed. Buffy took out the reports Doris had filled out, and went to the social worker's computer to make something to replace them with.

The supervisor came back to Doris' work area and he looked through the Summers, Dawn file to find it full of pages with the repeated phrase, "All work and no play make Doris a dull girl." More pages were still printing and the woman unwisely blamed the voices she had been hearing. That was the tipping point for her boss and he sent Doris home for the day with a promise to assign someone else to redo Dawn's case. Buffy whistled as she left, her mission accomplished.

…

Feeling rather fancy free Buffy went to pay a surprise visit to a blonde vampire. Spike acted surprised in any case, his only notes for the day having been "enjoy". He still wanted all of her, but the way things were going between them he wasn't going to tell her off. Xander still walked in on them, and the Slayer still got off on having illicit fun right under her friend's nose.

"You know, kidding aside Spike, you really should get a girlfriend." Xander said to him as he left, amused at what he thought was self-gratification.

Spike chuckled. "That was bloody close. You becoming an exhibitionist?"

"Kind of hard when no one can see you." Buffy joked. "He had no idea I was here. This is perfect." Spike got up to pour himself a drink.

"Perfect for you maybe." He said, but without bitterness this time. "I'm missing the view."

She shook her head at the slight cheesiness. "You seemed fine without a… visual aid."

"Can't say I mind you coming over for a tumble, but it seems a bit uneven, you getting to gawk while I'm just looking at air." Spike wondered if he could nudge her into going back out to find the solution to her condition without pissing her off. "Not too put off by being invisible, are you?" He took a drink.

"No. Maybe 'cause for the first time since, I don't even know when… I'm free." Buffy took the sheet off and stood. "Free of rules and reports. Free of this life."

There it was. She was still regretting not having sacrificed herself. "Free of life? Got another name for that- 'dead'." He said gently. Last time he had gone into bursts of trying to drag her into darkness to get her to stay with him, but this time he was sticking to the supportive track to help lessen her misery, not add to it. It was the only way to make things last. And though he wouldn't admit it, deep down Spike didn't want Buffy miserable whether she was with him or not.

"Why do you have put it like that? I thought we were having fun." She came forward to grope him and he put one hand on her shoulder.

"We are pet. But you and your chums need to work out a way to bring you back to living color." He ran his fingers through her unseen hair. "I miss my Goldilocks."

Somehow the gesture was endearing and a tiny bit creepy at the same time, something she was gradually getting used to. Buffy decided to have one last bit of fun before getting back to business, kissing her way down Spike's bare body before taking him into her mouth. He had to remind himself not to keep her down there the rest of the night, or she'd end up dissolving.

…

Buffy was back in a somewhat grumbly mood now that she wasn't touching Spike, feeling a bit brushed off. She knew he was right about finding a reversal for the invisibility, but why did he have to cut their playtime short? This was certainly never a situation she'd thought she'd find herself in; pursuing Spike while he played hard to get. She had to admit, the payoff was well worth the chase. As for whether she was okay with calling him her boyfriend, she still wasn't sure.

Willow wasn't home when she got there, having left to conduct her own research unbeknownst to Buffy. Dawn came home and Buffy tried to show off her new "power", only succeeding in upsetting her sister. The teen stormed off after berating her for not caring about finding a cure for her invisibility, leaving the blonde alone. It was disappointing, but she guessed their relationship would take more work to fix than Dawn's file had.

There was a message on the answering machine.

"Buffy, it's Xander. Where are you? Listen, we got a new problem here."

"Tell her." Anya urged him.

"I'm trying to. Anya and I think whatever made you invisible is slowly killing you."

"Tell her about the pudding."

"Anya!"

"Buff, if we don't… If this isn't reversed, you're gonna… well, dissolve or fade… into nothing."

The message cut out.

"Wow." It was strange. For the first time in months she was frightened, for herself. Buffy could feel it, that feeling Kendra had told her she was losing: the drive to live. The more she thought about dying this way, the angrier she became. Dying saving the world was one thing, but this was unacceptable.

To Buffy's surprise, she kept thinking of more and more reasons she couldn't die yet. She had to see Dawn finish high school and get into a college far, far away from the Hellmouth. She had to help Willow recover and reconcile with Tara. She had to see Xander and Anya's wedding, and be there when their kids were born. She had to see where this scary and wild thing with Spike was going. She had to show Giles and her mother that they had raised a woman they could proud of. She wouldn't give up her life without a fight.

The phone rang as Buffy was heading out to find Xander. When she picked up she was answered by a purposely lowered, oddly familiar male voice. He informed her that Willow was being held hostage at the arcade. Even with her renewed desire to survive, the safety of the short warrior's loved ones took precedence over her own predicament. Two scenarios flashed through Buffy's mind as she went to rescue her best friend. One, that the kidnappers could hurt Willow before she got to her; and two, the more likely possibility: That Willow would fall off the wagon and the kidnappers would be the ones in need of saving.

…

The redhead was standing in front of the pinball machine, unharmed when Buffy got to her.

"Just stay still, and you won't get hurt." A male voice instructed Willow.

"You okay Will?" The Slayer asked her friend.

"Buffy?"

"Where are the bad guys?"

"All around you, Slayer." The male voice threatened. "So don't try anything."

"He's bluffing Buffy." Willow countered. "There-there's just three of them, I think."

"More than enough to cause some serious carnage, right guys?" No one responded to the voice's call to action. "Guys? Guys!"

"Kick! Use the kick!" There was a familiar voice coming from a fighting game. It was being played without any visible players.

"I tried that. He keeps blocking it with his Drunken Monkey Fist." A higher, unfamiliar voice answered.

"Ooh. Scary video carnage." Buffy said, starting to feel that she'd overestimated the danger.

"Hey! Slayer's here." The first voice called to his companions.

"Sorry. Didn't see her." The highest voice apologized.

"Why don't we continue this in a less crowded area, like over there?" The first voice asked.

"Where?" they all asked at once as one of the invisible men picked up a giant contraption that looked like nothing so much as a ray gun from an old sci-fi movie.

"Over... Follow me." He pulled Willow further away from the other customers as the witch made sounds of discomfort.

Buffy put two and two together. It wasn't hard to figure with the space age tech and the invisibility. "I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you're the ones that did this to me."

"It was an accident." The most familiar voice said apologetically.

"Who's that?" Buffy asked, trying to remember who the voice belonged to.

"Nobody you know." He said, deepening his voice like he had over the phone.

"They're the ones from the mystery van." Willow explained.

"Oh." Buffy said, remembering the three day stretch of weird occurrences that had only been linked by the presence of a black van. "You. So what annoying things are you gonna do to me now?

"Save your life… make you visible." The lead voice said.

"Right. I'm supposed to believe that?" The Slayer said, not trusting kidnappers.

"They told me everything Buffy. Something's happening to you, that you're-"

"Fading away." Buffy interrupted Willow. "I know."

The man holding the ray held it up, aiming it. "I can fix that." A part on top of the gun began spinning and it sounded like it was revving up. "Pick up that air hockey mallet on the table." He instructed Buffy.

"What for?"

"It'll give me target to aim at." She acquiesced and picked up one of the mallets. "Okay now hold still, and all your troubles will soon be gone."

Willow looked at the ray gun and noticed something was off. "You're on the wrong setting."

"What?" The voice grumbled.

"The gun, it's not set for reversing the particle ionization. It'll accelerate her molecular dissolution. I saw the plans." Willow winced as one of her captors twisted her arm.

"Mind your own business." The man with the gun growled at her.

"What's she talking about?" The familiar voice asked.

"That's what I'd like to know." Buffy agreed angrily.

"He's trying to kill you!" Willow cried out in warning before the gun holder butted her with the end of the ray.

"Willow!" Buffy called to her as she slumped to the floor. She chucked the hockey mallet at Willow's attacker.

"Ow!"

"Playtime's over."

"You haven't won yet, Slayer."

"No." Buffy agreed. "That part comes after I beat the snot out of you."

"You'll have to find me first." She could hear him going to stand with the other two men. "And there's three of us against just one of you."

"Hey, you lied to us." The familiar man objected.

"Fight her yourself." The high voice dismissed him.

"You think she cares about that?" The leader asked. "I go down, we all go down."

"And I promise, you're all going down." The Slayer said firmly.

"We may not have your powers, Slayer, but you'll find that we are not so easy to-" Buffy hit him with the mallet again before he could finish. "Ow! Get her!"

Buffy fought her unseen opponents handily. The other people in the arcade began to notice the odd sounds as Willow got up. Buffy used one of the men's voices to locate him and sent him flying with a punch. He smashed into the pinball machine, breaking the glass. The other arcade patrons started to run out of the building, understandably freaked. Willow crawled over to the gun while the kidnappers talked, the leader heading for the ball pit.

"Just keep talking, boys." Buffy said, eager to finish them. The witch got to her feet as the blonde got one of the men in her grip.

"Ow! Ow, ow! Watch the chest hair." Willow powered up the ray gun, aiming at Buffy and her captured opponent first. Buffy had finally placed his voice.

"I know that voice. You-you're-" Willow fired and they both became visible. "Jonathan?" Buffy dropped her short former classmate in shock. "You have chest hair?" Willow aimed for the ball pit and restored another attacker. It was the roboticist who had made Alice and the Buffy-bot. "Warren?" Willow's finish shot hit the pinball machine, restoring a sandy-haired boy Buffy didn't recognize. "Who are you?"

"Andrew." He answered. Buffy shook her head, still not remembering him. "I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school." She looked at Willow, who was also failing to recall him. Warren got out of the ball pit and Jonathan stood to help Andrew off the machine. "During the school play, you know?"

"He's Tucker's brother." Jonathan and Warren explained together.

"Oh." The girls said, still not remembering as Willow went to stand by Buffy.

"So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass?" The blonde asked, wondering what had these nerds had had in mind. Surely they couldn't have _intended _to piss off someone who could break them in half with a single blow.

"We're your arch-nemesises-ses." Warren said as the trio strolled toward the back door. "You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time… Um, uh, next time…" He trailed off uncertainly, looking at Jonathan.

"Maybe not!" The short boy said before dropping a smoke bomb. The girls coughed and batted at the smoke. They didn't need to hurry, as the "villains" were thwarted by a locked door.

"What do you mean it's locked? You were supposed to check it." Warren said angrily.

"I forgot." Andrew whined. They were still there when the smoke began to clear.

"I give you my arch-nemesises-ses." Buffy said as a security guard showed up.

"What's going on in here?" The guard asked. "I got a bunch of scared kids saying this place is haunted." The girls looked back to the door. It slammed shut, the three boys having made their escape in the distraction. They sighed and went outside, Willow lugging along the ray gun.

"It's pretty neat, you finding the van. So… how did you manage to do it exactly? I mean, to locate it." She suspected the girl might have dipped into magic for her search, but didn't want to accuse her right away.

"The hard way… the spell-free way, the 'oh my god, my head's gonna fall off my feet are killing me' way." With that they sat down on the curb, relaxing for a moment. "I don't know how I got through this day."

"Well, the important thing is that you did." Willow nodded a tiny bit. Buffy thought Kendra would agree. "It's a good first step."

"How are you doing, post-invisibleness?" Willow hoped her friend would catch the undertones of her more general concern for the Slayer's wellbeing. She was definitely committed to being more open with her. It was the only way she would make it through magic detox.

"Okay. I still have to do some damage control from my giddyfest. Dawn was pretty freaked out. The whole 'taking a vacation from me' thing didn't work out too well."

"Tell me about it." The witch said remembering Rack's.

"Except- When I got Xander's message… you know, that I was… fading away… I actually got scared." Buffy admitted.

"Well, yeah. Who wouldn't?"

"Me. I wouldn't. In that other world, for sure. But I realized… I've got a lot of things to live for… I didn't-I don't wanna die. That's something, right?" Buffy asked.

"That's something." Willow said with a nod. "So I guess we both made good first steps."

She thought back to her dream. "We just have to keep walking."

…

It wasn't until Buffy was already under the covers of her bed she remembered the Jeep.

…

Author's (Other) Notes:

CailinRua: Buffy's trying to get over being mad at Willow, but yeah, she deserves some harshness. At least she's finally on the track to get over her addiction. I'll be putting in other spicy scenes at various points, and I hope they're not too bad. It's a little weird writing guy on girl stuff, since I'm not much for the timber.

S1r3h: I do love dropping hints. Speaking of which…

RedHead023: The next chapter will match up with "Dead Things", and it will feature a longer conversation than in the original episode between Buffy and a certain someone about her feelings for Spike.

Thorn Wild: Wow, thank you so much. I actually purposely don't read other Spuffy fics, because I know if I saw that someone else had already written something I was planning to do I'd get frustrated and change it, and I don't want to do that. They're my second favorite couple after Willow and Tara, and I agree that Spike shouldn't be overly nice (even with a soul he's kind of a dick, but a cool one) and Buffy shouldn't be too forgiving. I'd say Tara is the closest thing in this story to a Mary-Sue, but I hope I'm writing her with enough complexity that it isn't off putting.

As much as I love W/T fluffiness, I think the best stories about them plotwise are the ones that acknowledge Willow's character flaws and that there is a point where Tara would say enough, no matter how much she loves her. Ditto for Xander and Anya's flaws, which should be coming up (you can guess what chapter…) soon. They'll earn their happiness by learning to work past their flaws, not losing them. And somehow Dawn has ended up being the one holding the story together. I didn't see that coming when I started this, to be honest, but I'm glad.

waddiwasiwitch: I'm glad you like my characterization of Spike. I'm always trying to make sure he's not too good and not too evil.

MaireAilbhe: She could have realized on her own, but I think in this chapter and the next ones I'll say what I have to say about why Buffy was in such denial.

guest: You're welcome? :D

Laura: Thanks, I always appreciate typo catches, I know I miss a lot of them and have to re-upload chapters frequently as a result. Sorry I take so long between updates, I'm hoping I can get a handle on that. Especially since we're half way through the Season! Exciting stuff coming up.


	13. Chapter Eleven: Killing Things

Chapter Eleven: Killing Things

"Hello, my name is Willow Rosenberg, and I'm a magic addict."

"Hi Willow." The circle greeted her. There were three men and four women of various ages in the group, as well as what Willow was fairly certain was some kind of ghost. After three sessions she was starting to feel more at ease opening up to the odd hodge-podge of spellcasters. It was comforting to know that she wasn't alone in her struggles against the lure of casting.

"It's been thirty days since my last spell." She shuddered at the thought before composing herself. "It hasn't all been easy. There have been things, dangerous things like mad scientists and demons… no offense." Willow said to the hunched over baby faced blonde 'woman' across from her.

"None taken." The demon woman said holding her speech enabler to her tracheotomy hole.

"Anyway, there have been things that I wished I could use my magic for, but I've been trying to do things the right way, the hard way. It feels weird going back to forensic chemistry and hacking after just doing things lickety split with a spell. After we raided the mad scientist's lair we found all these artifacts and spell scrolls, and I had to practically tie myself up not to tear into them."

"I've been there." A man in green nodded. "A new grimoire comes out and I just have to get it."

"I'm lucky I've got a good support network. My best friend helped clear out the all the magic stuff in our house. She really gets what I'm going through, and she's been way more forgiving than I deserve." Some of the others smiled at Willow's good fortune, but a couple looked jealous.

"My other best friend's fiancée wanted me to stop for a long time, and she's still really upset I let it get this far. Mostly because I promised to do the decorating for their wedding reception and now I can't. And she's mad on behalf of my girl… ex-girlfriend. I really hurt her most of all. Well, next to my best friend's little sister. It feels like she's coming around though, like she believes I want to get better. I think I'm going to be making it up to her for the rest of my life, but I've got to."

"I almost had a relapse a couple days ago. A witch friend of mine found out I was trying to quit and juiced me with her power. It was so difficult not to give in, like I was fighting with my own body. To make it worse, that night my best friend was fighting a demon that was eating workers at the Doublemeat Palace and she got paralyzed by its saliva. It took all my willpower not to unleash my mojo on it. I get worried, you know. Like what if things get bad, really bad and there's no way out _but_ magic?"

"I'm hearing a lot of guilt Willow," the rather rotund woman leading the group said, "It's understandable that you feel guilt for the mistakes you've made. But you're just setting yourself up for failure if you start feeling guilty for things that might happen."

There were murmurs of agreement from around the circle.

"What would you have done about the demon before you learned magic?" A tall woman in a trench coat asked her.

"What I ended up doing, knocking it out and stuffing it into the meat grinder." Willow said. "I'm just not so good with the hand to hand combat stuff. It's why I started learning witchcraft in the first place."

"Do you feel like you don't have anything to contribute without the magic? I know I feel like that a lot." The man in green shared.

"Absolutely." Willow said. "But I have to remind myself that I'm good at other things, like computers and chemistry. I'm just kind of rusty after using magic as a crutch for so long."

"And those things don't have that rush." A short dark haired man grumbled in a quiet voice. His neighbors shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, now that we've all done individual sharing, let's get to group topics." The group leader said, pulling over her clipboard. "Do we have any suggestions for a name to replace 'Spellcasters Anonymous'?"

…

Elsewhere Spike and Buffy had missed the bed again and ended up beneath the rugs. They bantered for a bit before the Slayer remembered the time.

"You know, it's late. I should get home before Dawn goes to sleep. Have you seen my underwear?"

Spike leaned over to check the floor to their right, and Buffy saw imprints from her teeth in his shoulder. It sent a shiver through her, and not one of arousal. It scared her to see evidence of how animalistic she was behaving. She found her underwear after a search beneath the carpet and excused herself, somewhat anxious.

Buffy was left alone with her thoughts on her way home. She was still shaken by the sight of the bite marks. It wasn't like her; at least it wasn't like the way she wanted to see herself. Being aggressively sexual and just plain aggressive with a vampire she wasn't even willing to call her boyfriend, what kind of sicko freak did that?

Taken on its own that was worrying enough, but coupled with her near death wish it was frightening. What Spike had said last year about Slayers and their desire for an end had resonated with her, and despite what Kendra had said she knew it was something all her predecessors that had lived any appreciable length of time had felt as well. But her own longing for death had been coupled with months of intense revulsion for her closest friends, and all from something that hadn't even happened to her properly, just to a her in another reality. That wasn't something she thought all Slayers or even any decent people felt.

Losing herself in mauling demons, having sex without love and being violent her partner, getting angry at people who just wanted to help her, and engaging in self-destructive behavior; that didn't sound like her. It sounded like Faith.

Faith had been the one to agree with her bleak outlook on continuing to live. Something had gone terribly wrong with Faith and left her twisted. Angel had told them she was working on redeeming herself and made regular visits to her to prison, but she was still a murderer who had tried to commit suicide by vampire. Examining her own feelings and actions this past year it wasn't hard for Buffy to conclude that she was headed down the same path.

She wasn't sure if it was a corruption common to all Slayers who lasted longer than a few months, or if it was just her and Faith. Giles wasn't around for her to ask. But there was another person she could ask, a person who had been able to tell her apart from Faith by their auras without having ever met them before. After greeting Dawn, Buffy gave that person a call and set up a meeting.

…

Tara met Buffy at a secluded table on a pathway leading off the main quad of UC Sunnydale.

"Thanks for coming by." Buffy said as they sat down across from each other.

"Is it bad?" Tara asked gravely.

"I was sort of hoping you could tell me." The shorter blonde said softly.

The witch looked down, shaking her head. "I knew this was gonna happen." She turned her gaze up at Buffy. "What did Willow do now? Did she-she hurt anyone?"

"What?" Buffy said, realizing how vague she'd been the night before. "Uh, no, no. Um, Tara, this isn't about Willow."

"I-I thought that's why you didn't want to meet at the house." Tara explained.

"Uh, sorry. It's um… Willow's fine. She's been doing really well. You'd be proud of her." She assured her.

Tara bit her lip and nodded, looking down again. She had been scared to ask about Willow over the past month. After what had happened to Dawn she had almost given up hope that the girl could change. She wanted more than anything to believe she could, but she held herself back from getting too excited over the news. She didn't want to set herself up for disappointment if it all came crashing down. "Good. That's-that's good." She raised her head again, wondering what she had been called for if not Willow. "So-so what do you want to talk about?"

"Well you can read auras, right?" Tara nodded. "I think, I think I might have some kind of… Slayer sickness. In my, soul or spirit or whatever."

The older girl's brow knitted in confusion. "Why do you think that?"

Buffy sighed. "Well, things have been kind of off with me since we beat Glory. The visions and… everything. Then I killed that thaumagenesis demon and I got that disgusted feeling… I feel… different. There are things that…"

"And-and you think it has something to do with you being a Slayer?" Tara asked, still not quite understanding Buffy's logic.

"There are other Slayers who started to… act weird." Buffy said, leaving out Faith's name. "Some of the Watcher diaries talk about Slayer's auras changing over time, but I can't really tell what they're going on about. I… don't really want to bug Giles with this, and I'd ask Willow but…"

"I get it." Tara could see how worried her friend was, but wasn't sure she was qualified to help. "I can see auras, but I don't know exactly what they mean, really. From what I can tell you don't seem sick Buffy."

"Could you just check, please?" She pleaded gently. Tara agreed, hoping she could provide some comfort by doing this for her.

…

When Buffy came home from an early patrol Xander was teaching Dawn dance steps for the wedding reception. Both the bride and groom-to-be had new anxieties about the marriage since the arrival of Anya's old friend Halfrek. Xander was squicked by his first in-person look at a true vengeance demon face and was trying to get the image out of his head. Anya was unsettled by Halfrek's insinuations about her fiancé's feelings for her and had been doing her best to ignore or disprove them.

Dawn left to spend the night with Janice, both Buffy and Willow having confirmed things in person with Janice's mother already. Buffy was a bit sad, wishing she could have taken her free evening to spend a rare moment of quality time with her little sister. Normally she would have gone to Spike's to pass the time, but until Tara confirmed or denied her soul sickness she didn't want to dive back into that. She still needed a distraction, so she accepted the gang's invitation to the Bronze.

…

Spike waited and watched from the walkway of the Bronze. Buffy was doing her best not to give into her moodiness and was staying on the lower level with her friends. It was a shame they weren't going to have their rendezvous tonight, but the vampire had bigger things on his mind. Tomorrow night was a night he had been dreading more than any other. He had been content to let certain things play out as they had before, but Buffy's guilt over 'killing' a girl wasn't one of them.

Obviously the easiest solution would be to save the girl, but he didn't know exactly when or how she had died. From what he had gathered in the days after the incident the girl's death had been caused or at least known to the three nerds. After Willow had found the hideout Spike knew about they had fled and nestled into new quarters no one had uncovered by the time he had made his wish to Anya. He had been keeping an eye out for the time disrupting Rwasundi demons that were involved, but none had come to any of the demon hangouts since he'd been watching. That blonde geek, whose name escaped him, was probably going to summon them directly. That left him with nothing to do but wait.

One thing was for certain. He wasn't going to let Buffy think she was a killer. He thought she was overreacting, but knew that the desire to protect innocent life was an inherent part of what made Buffy Buffy, and he wouldn't convince her otherwise. It would come dangerously close to showing her that he knew more than he should, but it was the only way to keep her from hating herself.

…

Xander and Willow were done with work and school for the day, and the construction foreman still had a cramp from swing dancing all night. They were headed for the Magic Box and saw Tara coming out of the store, several books under her arm.

"Tara. What are you doin' here? I mean, uh, it's okay for you to be here if you things that you have to be here for." Willow tried to cover her slightly accusatory phrasing, not wanted to ruin her first chance to converse with Tara in weeks.

Xander saw the tension and longing between the exes and excused himself. "Yeah I'm gonna go bring Anya up to speed on that monkey situation." He smiled and gave a supportive nod to Tara and went inside.

"There-there's a monkey problem?" Tara asked, wondering if some simian demons were attacking.

"Only if you don't stretch first." Willow said looking at the books Tara was carrying. The blonde tried to shift them out of Willow's line of sight. "Watcher diaries? You studying to take over Giles' job?"

"N-not exactly. I-I was just doing some research on auras…" Tara didn't want to betray Buffy's confidence, knowing the Slayer had been nervous even coming to her with her worries.

"No, it's okay. I, I didn't expect you to stop looking up mystical stuff… You don't have to hide it." Willow assured her. "I'm not… I'm doing better. No spells for thirty two days." She gave Tara a small but proud smile, which the taller girl returned. Some part of Tara was pleased that Willow had managed to make good on her promise to go without for a month eventually, even if she'd broken it initially. "I can even go to the magic shop now, as long as someone's with me at all times. But, uh… But it's better now. It really is. You know, if you were checkin' on me."

"No, I-I wouldn't…" Tara heaved a sigh. She had been willing to let Willow do whatever she wanted with her life after leaving her, not expecting her to change for someone who wasn't even in a relationship with her anymore. Of course, she had prayed Willow would change for her own sake. "I was just looking for Buffy."

Willow deflated a little that Tara hadn't been coming to see her. It was no more than she should expect, she reminded herself "Oh. Well I haven't seen her since last night. She's on solo patrol a lot these days. We kinda miss her." That was the closest she could come to saying, 'I miss you.'

Tara caught the subtext of Willow's words. She missed Willow immensely too. "I'm sure she feels the same way. If you see her, can you tell her that I need to talk to her? It's important."

"Yeah, of course I will."

"Thanks." She walked past Willow, and then turned around, needing to say something more. Seeing her had brought up all the desire and loneliness she'd been trying to suppress. "Will?" They looked at each other, unspoken yearning burning through them both. "I'm… I'm glad that you're doing better." Tara tried to smile one last time before leaving. The air was lighter between them, but it was still too soon for a true reunion. Willow didn't know if they were on the right track just yet, but with luck they were.

…

Buffy tried to focus on patrol, but her feet took her automatically to Spike's crypt. He could feel her drawing closer, and went to wait by the door. She touched the stone, fighting her instinct to go inside. When Spike opened the door she had left, as he expected she might.

"Don't think about the evil bloodsucking fiend. Focus on anything but the evil bloodsucking fiend." She chanted to herself as she put distance between herself and Spike. A woman's scream pierced the night's quiet. Buffy looked to heaven in gratitude. "Thank you."

The Slayer ran off to rescue her. She saw a robed figure chasing the woman and pounced on it. To her astonishment it simply vanished. Buffy got to her feet and looked around for signs of the demon.

"Huh?"

The same woman appeared again, this time lying on the ground in front of her sobbing.

"It's okay. I'm gonna get you out of here. Can you walk? Are you hurt?" The woman didn't respond, and Buffy was assaulted with a barrage of disembodied voices.

"Buffy, what did you do? What did you do, Buffy?"

She looked down as the voices died off and saw Spike sprawled on the ground instead of the woman. He was bleeding from the lip.

"Ow! Buffy, it's me."

"Spike?" Before she could puzzle out what had happened several cloaked demons showed up and began to brawl with her and Spike. He snapped one of their necks and called to her, trying to grab her attention.

"Buffy!"

The demons vanished, leaving her with Spike. He was unwounded.

"Spike, what's happening?" She asked.

"Buffy, I know things are confusing but you have to listen to me." He walked up to her. "Things aren't what they seem. The demons…" Suddenly she was fighting the demons again, and one of her blows hit Spike, splitting his lip and sending him to the forest floor.

"Ow! Buffy, it's me." He said exactly as he had before.

The woman from before walked by sobbing and lied down. Buffy just looked at her, bewildered. The demons warped in and attacked her again, continuing to vanish and reappear. "Buffy!" Spike called to her just as she hit the woman, sending her rolling down a hill. Buffy ran down the hill after her, Spike still fighting the demons in vamp face. They tackled him and he growled. "Bugger off." He punched through the demon's stomach and followed Buffy to the foot of the hill. "Buffy." He said soothingly.

Buffy was horrified. There it was, confirmation of her illness. She was a murderer, the thing she most feared becoming. "She's dead. I killed her."

"We have to go." Spike said, trying to lead her away from the body.

"What happened?" She asked, still trying to process the order of events. It was all a blur but the death.

"I'll explain everything, just come with me. We have to go before someone sees you."

"What did I do?" Buffy demanded.

"We have to go, now." He tried to pick her up with her body shuddering. Spike led her through the woods to a safe spot. "All right. Listen to me, Buffy. Buffy!" He held her shoulder and she didn't look at him until he shouted 'no!' to stop her from leaving.

"She's dead." Buffy said, haunted.

"It wasn't you." He said firmly.

"What are you talking about, I hit her, and then she fell! I killed her."

"Listen, that girl was dead before you even saw her." Buffy shook her head disbelieving. "No, really. Those were demons called Rwasundi. They make time go all wobbly 'round them. You never hit the girl."

"But I saw…"

"You saw a twisted up batch of nonsense." He rubbed her shoulders, pulling her closer. "Think Buffy. Where have you seen that girl before?" She tried to remember as he laid out more clues to lead her to the identity of the real culprits without saying it outright. "Did you know her from somewhere?"

It took her a minute, but suddenly memories of the woman's face brought her back to their brief meeting months earlier. Her name came back to her, Katrina. She had been there to witness her stormy breakup with… Warren Mears.

"Oh my god." She whispered. "You don't think… Warren...?"

"I don't know pet, but I do know you. You aren't a killer." He ran his fingers up and down her arm.

"We have to tell the police, they have to find him…" She said, her horror slowly becoming anger.

"Demons in the woods? Time going wonky? They won't believe you." Spike said resolutely.

"We'll show them."

"No, you aren't getting involved in some murder investigation that had sod all to do with you." He said angrily. "I'll call the police and let them know about the body." He could see Buffy's reluctance and pulled her against his body, stroking her back. "It's all right love. I'm gonna get you home, and you're gonna crawl in your warm, comfy bed and stay there. We're gonna sort this out. Trust me."

Hazel eyes looked into blue, and she could feel the sincerity in the vampire's words. She let him lead her home, and they kissed in her bed for the first time before Buffy drifted to sleep. She was too disoriented to stop herself. Spike went to dump Katrina's body in the river so it would wash up where the police could find it. He wasn't any more eager to get himself involved in a murder investigation than Buffy.

Buffy dreams were as disjointed in time as the events in the woods had been, flashing between the fight, Katrina's 'death', her sleeping with Spike two nights before and kissing him before she fell asleep. At one point she was holding a stake over Katrina, who was bound in the handcuffs she and Spike had used in their last session. "Do you trust me?" She asked.

…

The next day Buffy shook herself out of her lingering guilt, placing the blame where it belonged: the Trio. She called a meeting at the Magic Box to discuss the events of the last night. Anya confirmed that the demons she had seen were called Rwasundi and that they distorted humans' perception of chronology. She mentioned Warren's connection to the death and Willow looked up Katrina's coroner's report on her laptop.

"They're saying she died of head wounds consistent with a long fall. It's being reported as a suicide." The hacker said disheartened. Buffy's anger grew. She was more convinced with every passing moment that Warren had had at least a hand in Katrina's death.

"This isn't a coincidence. Warren's ex-girlfriend, rare demons showing up at just the right place, time going all wiggy; this caper has the nerds stamped all over it."

"Not to mention them trying to pin it all on you." Anya added.

"The police aren't going to be any help." Buffy said.

"Because they're usually so reliable." Xander quipped sarcastically.

"We have to do something." The Slayer said seriously. "We have to find Warren and the others before anyone else gets hurt."

"Where do we start?" Willow asked. She had tracked them down once before, but the information that had led her to their last headquarters had dried up.

"Wherever we can." Buffy said with a shrug. "Look at the traffic light pictures, see if we can track the van. Anything at all."

In all honesty Willow knew that wasn't likely to give them any useful information, but she didn't want to let Buffy down. The old her might have tried to triangulate the lair of the nerds with one of the relics salvaged from their last lair, but she was determined not to use magic, no matter how dire the circumstances.

Buffy was thinking along the same lines, but was considering asking Tara for help to spare Willow from magic exposure. That reminded her that tonight was the night Tara was coming over to discuss her findings with her. She decided to hold off on asking for more favors when she didn't even know if they would need them. Looking for the trio was important, but if Willow was going to stop using magic then they all had to learn to rely on mundane methods to solve their problems first.

…

The girls met in the Summers' living room, Dawn having gone to sleep. Buffy wasn't comfortable exposing her concerns to anyone else just yet, especially to her sister.

"Well, I've read all the entries that had anything to do with souls and auras." Tara began. "There aren't that many. But from what I can tell, you have a normal, healthy Slayer aura. Extra bright and powerful. There's nothing evil infecting you that I can see. You-You're actually brighter than some of the Slayers they talk about."

That wasn't the result Buffy had been expecting. "Are you sure?" She asked nervously.

"I've double-checked everything. There's nothing wrong with you." Tara said kindly.

Buffy could feel tears welling up. If it wasn't something infesting her soul from the visions or the thaumagenesis demon, it was just her, the same Buffy she had always been.

"You must've missed something. Will you check again?" She begged.

Tara was surprised by her friend's reaction. What could be bad enough that she would _want _to be sick? "Buffy, I-I-I promise. There's nothing wrong with you." She repeated.

"There has to be. This just can't be me. It isn't me. Why do I feel like this? Why do I do those things with Spike?"

"You mean… patrolling with him? Having him work with us?" The witch hadn't realized Spike was involved in this, but the Slayer had been spending a lot of time with him recently. Buffy was silent, and Tara saw guilt in her eyes. Puzzle pieces began to fall into place. Something more than a working relationship was going on between Buffy and the vampire. "Oh." Her voice was low, and she looked around, subconsciously worried someone would overhear the girls sharing such a private secret. "Oh… really." She purposely raised her voice, not wanting to sound judgmental.

"He's everything I hate. He's everything that I'm supposed to be against… but when we're together I feel…" Buffy expected a look of disgust, but all she could see in Tara's face was sympathy. "Don't tell anyone, please."

"I-I won't." Tara promised.

Buffy was too distraught at the thought of being revealed to stop. "Oh the way they would look at me. I just couldn't..."

"I-I won't tell anyone." Tara said more firmly. "I-I wouldn't do that."

"Why can't I stop? Why do I keep letting him in?" Buffy asked helplessly, never having had anyone to admit this to before.

"Do you love him?" Tara asked gently. "I-it's okay if you do. He's done a lot of good, a-and he does love you." Last year when they had all suspected Buffy of sleeping with Spike, she had thought it was crazy. But after seeing him willing to be tortured to protect Dawn, and how devoted he was to Buffy and Dawn's safety and happiness Tara was willing to accept that there was good in him. Her own best friend was a thousand year ex-demon responsible for countless deaths who had managed to reform, so she was willing to give Spike the benefit of the doubt if he was willing to try.

"I…" Being asked point blank set her back for a minute. She had been denying feeling anything for him but lust and gratitude at his understanding and defense of Dawn, but after the way he was with her last night she couldn't pretend there wasn't more. "I-I don't know. I like him sometimes. But, when I try to trust him… I know I can trust him with Dawn, but that's it."

"He really seems like he's trying to change." Tara said. "Like he's trying to be good."

Buffy shook her head, sniffling back tears. "It's not that simple. God, you didn't know him, you didn't know what he was like before the chip. He killed people, he attacked our school, he tried to bite Willow…"

"I know, she told me." Tara said quietly. "But he's not even trying to get rid of the chip anymore." Buffy just sat there and she continued. "I-I just meant that whatever you feel, it's okay. You've been going through a lot this past year, and he kind of gets what you're going through. S-so if you need to…"

"What?" Buffy asked abruptly. "Use him? What's okay about that?"

"If you like him, you're not using him, not really." Tara reasoned trying to comfort her. "I mean, you said you do sometimes…"

Buffy sighed, her tears slowing. "I do. But I'm not ready to tell anyone. Not even him."

"Then take your time. I-if you feel like you're using him and it's upsetting you then maybe… slow it down?" Tara suggested. Buffy nodded. She was touched by Tara's loyalty, even with her slight estrangement from the group. She leaned over to hug her, and after a moment of hesitation Tara hugged her back. They stayed that way for a few minutes until Buffy felt ready to face the night.

…

Author's Notes: cavemenftw: I agree with you about the guys from the Trio. They'll only be around when they're interacting with a viewpoint character, so we won't even be seeing them again for a while. Jonathan is an okay guy, and I'm pretty sure we're _supposed_ to hate Warren. He's a sociopathic murderer and rapist, and he's the only major Buffy villain I don't find entertaining in any way. Andrew I feel could have been made into a likeable character in Season Seven if it had had more episodes, but that Season had so many subplots a lot of them were left under-developed. He was pretty good in Season Eight, which is more than I can say for some other characters. And Faith just had to have a cameo at some point since she won't be appearing in person for a long time and I was dying to write a scene with her in it. Even when she shows up my main characters will still be Spike and Buffy, followed by Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya and Dawn.

shadow: Faith will show up next Season, one of the many reasons I'm anxious to get to it :D

CailinRua and Redhead023: I'm glad that scene worked for you. It felt a bit cheesy to me, but I thought they could use a happier scene once in a while.

S1r3h: "The day you suss out what do you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones."

Thorn Wild: Glad you're still liking it! I'll be sure and check out your stuff when I have the time.

Tahkaullus01: You know, I hated Kennedy too but when I thought about it, I realized the only reason I hated her was that she was coming on to a widow way too strong and too fast. I'm cool with her now, but I never saw what she and Willow had in common beyond liking girls. I know a lot of people hate/dislike her, and when she shows up I'm going to do my damnedest to keep her both true to her original characterization AND likeable. I always say, I love every Buffy character except Warren. Fuck that guy. Technically, they're _all_ next in line the way it went down.

waddiswasawitch: Thank you.


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